Hush Now

My new Site!!!

2006-02-21T10:54:00.000+08:00

Hey Hey Hey... I finally bought a new domain with the name: Frappuccinno.com and I'm no longer in blogspot anymore. In the new Frappuccinno.com, there will be lots of changes made and added a few new thing.. so check it out people and hope u guys like it...

NEW SITE: Frappuccinno.com

Is there any real right and wrong?

2006-02-09T09:38:00.000+08:00

As we grow up, we learn how to cope, how to adapt and more importantly how to except other into our life. When it comes to you and me, him or her, or even them, we learn that most of us are different in our own ways and then, we learn to compromise with each other. In a certain actions or characteristic, when it comes to differences/conflicts, can we really say that you are wrong and we are right? Given the nature of how we are brought up, thing that we have been trough, for a simple term like friendship, do everyone have the same definition of what a friend mean? One might say companion, some might take it as an advantages and some might not even believe in the word itself. So, which is wrong and which is right? Can we safely assume a person who doesn't believe in the word friend to be wrong? In one room fill with 10 peoples, if one happen to be friends with 7 peoples, is it right to classified that person as an unfriendly person for not knowing the other 3 people? Is it right to say, I don't need to know him/her because there is no need to? When it comes to all of these questions, it depends on each individual. It is not up to us or even you to judge a person when it comes to their own characteristic because in the end, how well do you know your friends. People like to say, when you say something about somebody, look at yourself first but I find it rather funny because this is the person who usually doesn't see themselves too let alone judging other people. Having said all that, having to accept which is right or wrong is like picking up cloths; we choose our own style, which of the cloths feel comfortable to us. If the cloth doesn't fit, there is no point for you and me, him or her, or even them to be forcing each other to like one another.

A boy with no life and no home...

2006-02-07T01:26:00.000+08:00

Finally I'm back. Usually I would refer back as in back to my hometown but after spending two week in it, I think back would be more suitable to my home in the city. I don't know weather it is the long holiday, or issit my hometown or it was all me, but back at hometown, I didn't felt any connection at all. I felt like an outsider, even in my own home with my own family. I felt I've been gone for so long until I lost all touch with everything I once grew up with. The 5 years I spend in the city apparently erase all my 20 years of memories in my hometown. I guess it is my ignorant and the fact that I didn't want to go back that cause all of it. Now sitting on my bed, I couldn't help but wonder about my home; is it my empty RM350 rental room, my pc and myself only. I guest this would be the pathetic story of my life; a boy with no life and no home.

Un-Happy Chinese New Year...

2006-01-24T11:03:00.000+08:00

There comes a time when u reach a road with holes everywhere and you can't turn right or left but just need to stumble trough it. This is the time I usually call Chinese New Year. I was never the kinds that like Chinese New Year since I was a kid. I used to ask myself why, why is all the kids freely roaming out and play firework when I have to stuck at home doing house chore. Since young, I didn't quite understand why adults like my own relative would like to criticize me and purposely hurt me for no reason. Anyway, Chinese New Year is like a nightmare that keeps repeating itself every beginning of the year. This year in particular, I have my usual early breakdown before Chinese New Year but little do I know, the nightmares have begin without me and I didn't know it. First I lost my hp and then I felt this huge emotion of unsecured feeling without it. Kind of like naked without a hp. The next day, I lock myself out from my room without my key and lock myself in the living room without a key to go out. I was late for a meeting with a client and I have no hp to call and postpone the meeting, so I kick my room door and took the key. Now I have to pay for the damage. After the meeting, I was driving back home and I stop like 5 meter before another car in the traffic light. This car, of all sudden reverses and hit my front car. I got down, there was no scratch (LUCKILY) and I point my middle finger up to that bastard and kick his guccimama-ass car. So, I guess Happy Chinese New year isn't that happy anyway. I don't know what is going to happen next but Un-Happy Chinese New Year to myself and Gong Xi Fa Cai to you all...

Did you buy your CNY cloths yet?

2006-01-22T11:25:00.000+08:00

Chinese people have a habit of getting new thing for any new occasion and somehow, it is always related to "Pantang-Larang". For example, moving to a new house, it is better to buy new furniture rather than bringing the old furniture in because it will bring old jinx to the new house. First day of Chinese New Year, we are encouraged to wear new cloths because of starting fresh for the New Year. What else is there or have I stated the obvious? Even lately, the topic of... Did you buy your CNY cloths yet... seem to be the only question that is been asked by everyone over and over again. It used to be fun at first, going out shopping and going trough all the hassle of picking the cloths that you like. Me? It is just an excuse to spend my money on cloths and little do I know, it seems that every shirt that I bought is in black. So I guess that I have to redo all my shopping again. However, this year is a bit too dramatic and overwhelming for me because I bought a new Laptop and I was thinking of changing my HP too to Sony Ericsson K750. Speaking of HP, I lost mine somewhere during dinner and on the same time, my friend got robed and few weeks ago, 3 of my friend got pickpocket and lost their HP too. To me, it doesn't really matter much because I plan to change my HP anyway but getting back my HP number is kind of pain in the ass and losing some few important contacts, I think I'm going crazy right now. Anyway... just want to say Happy Chinese New year to everyone who read my blog. If you are driving back to your hometown, have a safe journey. Finally, to everyone out there, please be extremely cautious and careful of your belonging or you probably end up like me or my other poor friends. If you happen to catch those bastard, feel free to call me and I will help beat up that muthafucker up too... anyway, look on the bright side... Chinese people like to say, if old didn't go, new wouldn't come.

I don't know mandarin... betrayal to my own race...

2006-01-15T02:26:00.000+08:00

When I was young, my mum used to buy this Japanese weekly comic for me. However, the dialog of the comic itself is in mandarin, which is kind of a problem for me because I don't study mandarin in school. So, instead of understanding the comic, I spend my childhood period imagine the story line by looking at the picture box itself. Many people question my mum why she would buy a Chinese translated Japanese comic for me but I can see that she is trying her best hoping that I could learn mandarin from there. Night after night, she would sit down beside me, telling me stories, and explain what the character is trying to say but I guess, I wasn't interested at all. Instead, I was attracted more to the art itself and leave the imaginary to myself of how the story would go.

Living in a world where we are guided by other people thought, especially in a typical cultural tradition, I guess I have disgrace my family for being the only son who doesn't know mandarin when I myself am a Chinese. Relative would criticize us and people will look at us in a different ways and although my mum will smile back at me and ask me to ignore them, I can see trough her eye that she was hoping deep down, if history could be change, she would rather send me to a mandarin school instead. However, given the history itself, there weren't any option for her to send me to mandarin school because it is simply too far and luckily, there is this one famous Malay school in town which happens to be next to our house; just across the railway.

Anyway, after 20 years of criticism from relative, I guess me and my mum is immune to it and come to think of it, if given the choice to go back time; I guess I would prefer my mum sending me to the same Malay school rather than mandarin school. To me, I guess no matter what language I used, doesn't seem that important as long as I can get my message trough in a conversation. I can speak mandarin now, English and Malay, and although I'm not that fluent in any of the language, I guess at least when I talk, its kind of smooth sailing not like some typical mandarin student who come out speaking English like chicken got tie up in their neck.

However, it got me thinking, since the change of time and generation, English language have been put up as the language that kids nowadays should know. Probably for the sake of when they grow up and work, it might be helpful for them in term of professionalism and communication but does that effect the tradition ways of Chinese should know mandarin, or Malay should know Bahasa Melayu or even an Indian should know Tamil. Being exposed to a language that is not our root language, does that create problems, are we suppose to feel ashamed of ourselves or is it a betrayer to our own race? Having said all that, do current generations even care anymore?

The Food Adventure of CSFB!!!

2006-01-12T22:55:00.000+08:00

Ok... CSFB stand for crazy Shit and Freakin Bi-atch. Freakin Bi-atch is my comic dealer and she bring me to this shangrila hotel and eat this so-called buffet at the Lemon Green something garden restaurant. The place is veli exclusive... and to have shitty ppl like me who have no sense in fashion go in with my slipper... I kinda like the design of the place itself.. veli clam zen feeling when u dine at that place... However, the food... well... if the place is "yin" then the food is "Yang". For those who wanna go dine at that place, please do not even bother taking the chinese dished, noodle counter, malay/indian food... i tell ya... dimsum: Ha Kau... the skin is like hard plastic, i take that and throw at that bi-atch and the skin didnt even break (talk about long lasting condom)...the pandan chickhen... took me like 15 min to open the freakin pandan chickhen and twice harder than that Ha Kau.. Satay.. AYOMAK... rendang, fish... just forget it la... u cook it urself and spit on it still taste better than tat...

Ok... the western cousine is nice... the chickhen and fish something ala cate... that is a must try. Simply take a big white plate and put the one fish on top and covered it with orange sos.. waa tell u.. like eat at western country only... the roasted beef... WAH LAU.. damn sedap... The sushi bar is limited but overall, i give it 7 out of 10 point. The only thing i find unusual is the dessert. I think this place is specialise in the chocalate itself... i simply like the idea of the chocolate fountain and you can like stand there and lok lok it with any fruit u want. Me, since im lazy, i took a bowl and fill it up and then took all the fruit i wan and settle the whole hassle... I think other than tat, the cake is good... anyway, enjoy the food pic.. this is just the half of what i eat.. lazy to stop and continue on since im pretty stuck with my fork and knife.. wakakakakaka

Seeking Enlightenment...

2006-01-03T11:30:00.000+08:00

Having alchohol at noon on first day of 2006

2006-01-01T23:50:00.000+08:00

On New Year Eve, I have like 5 invitation to party/clubbing/countdown and what did i do for the last day in year 2005... sleep at home. NO... to be precise, i was sick and to make myself more pethetic, i crawl to my window and strech out my hand and shout... you young people out there.. go safe urself while u can.. leave me be.. i shall rot here bymyself. 1st day of 2006, i woke up feelin like a rotten egg, eat like 3 active fast panadol and go out meet my fren at 1 Utama and stupidly order long island tea at T.G.I Fridays. I dunnu whether it is the fever, or the Panadol or the Alchohol, but i know my head started spinning and I was drunk. My frens is worried, and the waitress is laughin at me... i almost go over and ask for her number... come to think of it.. i should ask her number. Anyway, after like 3 cigarrette and 1 glass of hot water, i was able to stand up and walk... This is so retro of me... hehehe...

Anyway, my first post for 2006 is about food. First... T.G.I Fridays, the Long Island Tea is nice (not bcos i was drunk), better than Chilli Steak House. As for the burger... well i hatta reconsiderate the burger. The burger is not nice at all and the fries was a total dissapointment. Please do not order the burger if u happen to be there. Wherelse, the buffalo wings... same like Chilli, nice, salty and tastety... For dinner, we went to this Char Chan Teng at 1 Utama opposite of Guardian... I order, Ice Lemon Green Tea. The taste is no where like green tea but it make a nice lemonade and big too. For the main course, i ordered honey pork rib with vege rice. The taste is just moderate. Just like a typical RM3.50 plate of fried pork rib with rice but this place charge for 8.20 plus 15% tax... so u might recomsiderate ordering it.

Another 10 min and and it is official, the end of first day of 2006... it was fun... This blog started like 2 years ago and i guess that time have change everything... thank you for reading my blog and i hope to entertain u guys in near future with my pethetic content... wakakakakaka

TQ for being my fren and Happy New Year

2005-12-31T14:30:00.000+08:00

New Rear Resolution... everyone is talkin about it. Well for me, i have nada, not before, not now, not ever... i guess, to have a resolution or a goal to be achieve in that particular year must hold a strong displine in order to achive it or else, you will turn out like me, which why bother making one.

2005, a year like every other year ... dull, depress and a whole lots of unpleasat things that keep on happening to me. I guess, I would expect the same from 2006. However, having say all that, at least i have some frens that stood by me when i needed them.

Before 2005 ended, i guess i should be thankful that i'm still alive up until now.. haha.. Thankful to have a fren like Seymour, who always be there for me and also tolerate hearing me complain about life and also introduce lots of nice place to eat. Chasyss... the only ex-colid that i've been contact with and the only colids who can tolerate with my irritating behaviour and judge me and still going out with me.. hehehe.. Not to mention, in 2005 itself, i make a new blogger fren, Mr. Kampung kai who is kind enuf to sign me up in his "Kampung" society club... lol... not forgeting, bernie.. my once highschool frens and now colids... i guess being frens for 12 years.. im just glad that we still stay the same...

anyway, there are many ppl out there ... some old, some new...which i wanna thanks for being supportive and just being there for me... i just wanna say Happy New Year and dedicate this song for y'all from the tv series "Golden Girls"

Thank you for being a friend
Traveled down the road and back again
Your heart is true your a pal and a confidant.

And if you through a party
Invited everyone you ever knew
You would see the biggest gift would be from me
And the card attached would say thank you for being a friend.

X MEN 3 ... WHY LA!!! Biggest FLOP!!!!

2005-12-29T11:00:00.000+08:00

OK, first of all... I've been complaining about X Men movie since the day they started X Men 1.. Why??? nobody seem to understand me... since young, marvel comic was my all time favourite comic (still am) and yes, i spend like RM 100 ringgit every single week buying X-Title comic and happily enjoy reading with a cup of rumba frappuccino... So a freak like me.. imagine having so much interest in the marvel comic itself, imagine what will happen if they are making a movie out of it... needless to say...

Anyway..the movie was a total disaster.. X MEN FREAK out there... please back me up... why it is such a disaster..

NO.1
Halle Berry... honey, i luv u and im ur biggest fan... but u just doesnt cut out to be storm.. Storm is a goddess for goodness sake.. and all this while, all im seeing is u sitting there and eye turn white and here come the thunder... and with the latest scene in X Men 3 where you spinning slapping ppl.. that just break my heart seeing u do this. Where is the flying, the aecrobatic move in the air, where is all the wisdom talk... and the face.. the director should hire Tyra Bank or someone look like Naomi Campbell (with better acting cappability). This two, have the outlook features that suit Storm. Probably you can be Cecilia Reye.

No.2

OMIGAW.. ROGUE.. i dunnu where to begin... her look, her acting, her storyline doesnt even match the name itself.. and what happen to the famous Rogue accent, where is the daring, bold and sexy sugah rock smashing hulk wannabe. OK, probably the story here being modify where her power is just sucking ppl power and their soul and memory.. i dun mind they minus the part where she suppose to have ms. marvel super power.. but this is just suck... her character suck big time in the movie...

No.3
Jean Grey... i always wanna ask, what with the hair style in X Men 1, you look like freakin grandma and X Men 2.. i try very hard to tolerate with it... aside from that, ok... i give it a 6 out of 10 that ur character look good in the movie... hell in X Men 1, you look like scott aka cyclop mother... freakin me out seeing u kissing him... eek... anyway, u look super hot in X Men 3.. so dun worry, you probably might get higher ranking....

The only character i see fit in this X Men is Collosus, Iceman (tolerable), xavier (FIT LIKE HELL), cyclop (not man enuf), Mystic (cool but not cunning enuf), Archangel (why not matthew mcconaughey in it.. we are talkin about millionare playboy here.. this look like drug addict only)... ok.. i had enuf critic for one article... seriously, i dun mind the story change, i dun mind the bad storyline.. but at least can somebody get the correct actor/actress for this X Men character.. btw, i hope in X Men 4, if psylocke character is out .. please not Zhang Zi Yi... and if SAGE is out, PLEASE BE Ashley Judd... that all i'm asking.

Year End Fever...

2005-12-22T22:39:00.000+08:00

I guess, like any other years, time just fly by without us really knowing it and by the time it hits us, I guess that is what it felt like every times we reach the year end. The same feeling I had in Dec 2004 and here in Dec 2005, I'm sitting in front of my pc, thinking what I've been doing for the past one year. The same questions that keep floating in my mind asking myself what have I achieve so far, do I feel any regret or am I'm still the same person I was before. When I think about it, it always comes back to the same thing... the same old lies that I been repeating over and over again. Should I feel ashamed or should I continue living in guilt? Whatever it is, I guess times would tell. Whatever the feeling that I had inside of me, I guess it must be the year end fever.

My very first Christmas Tree and lots of Wrapping Technique...

2005-12-19T10:22:00.000+08:00

Christmas 2004, no money buy christmas tree.. hatta take a print out paper tree as a replacement.. but i guess the decoration itself should be enough to cover my so called pethetic christmas spirit...

Christmas 2005, got abit of money and bought myself my first christmas tree...

my family doesnt fancy celebration even for birthday... the only big stuff they are interested in is going to temple and pray. yeah... im not christian but weird... of all the celebration, christmas is the only holiday that i like. Given the choice, i would rather have lots of presant than angpow in chinese new year but then again, im rather picky when it comes to people buying gift for me. So far, nobody impress me yet... all the presant i got so far ..well.. um.. suck... it got me thinkin... people say that it is the thought that count.. but the thing is.. nobody put any thought in it ever... i mean... i hate cofee and yet, i got coffee for my presant... i hate reading book.. but i got a book... but then again, most of my friend never put much thought in their gift... it is just.. "just get it".. for me... i think from heaven to earth what that person would like and i bought for them. to me, if it bother that somebody to get a presant.. then why bother buying it.. probably it is just me..

the one thing i like about christmas other than presants are... the decorations (im a freak when i plan for some event)... i can make a shit look like a rose... chinese new year... too much red and are just too ...ewww... not my style... i like to wrap presant.. i beg everyone in my company to let me help them wrap their gifts... their are too plain and U.G.L.Y... i like to put some creativity in it... so far 4 of my colleauges let me help them cos they are too lazy to do it... and walla... my creation...

Im planning for a christmas eve party... hopefully it will be a blast... turkey, ham, german sausage, egg and tuna sandwich, salad, vodka, lime, and for those dunnu what wine to buy.. i would definatelly recommend ICEWINE... now promotion for 75 with two glasses... a must have for a party... and my place are fully decorated with my so-call ... haha... i luv christmas... this year would be a BLAST... definately...

Beach for Holiday...

2005-12-17T12:42:00.000+08:00

Felt very L.A.Z.Y now. Dunnu whats wrong with me lately... doesnt feel like working and there are soo many things pending, waiting for me to do it and yet, i just slob around. Feel like wanna go beach for a holiday... Picture took in Cheranting... was nice... but not enjoyable.. cos go with a bunch of idiotic people... which kinda ruin my mood there... what a bummer

DimSum-ZiLla

2005-12-16T09:43:00.000+08:00

Welcome to another day of "Eat Eat Eat". Today lemme introduce where to eat good & cheap dimsum in KL (Hotel Dimsum... tat wan no need to say, but i heard JW Marriot was nice). Anyway, so far im still impress with the dimsum in Sri Petaling. They have various variety of dimsum and i would definately recommend the seafood dimsum they provided. Where issit? In Sri Petaling, there are 3 nice place to eat dimsum and all this 3 shop are in same row. I dunnu the restaurant name... but u should definately try the middle wan. the most right is DimSum King with red signboard... that wan suck and expensive, go next to it, the middle wan which i recommended. The restaurant have many yellow umbrella which u couldnt miss beside the road side.

Another nice DimSum is in Jalan Ipoh. Although not that much variety as Sri Petaling, but the food is cheaper compare to Sri Petaling DimSum. The Jalan Ipoh restaurant i would recomend is the shop beside hong leong bank. Notice the aunty there, everytime she talk is like singing chinese opera. Funny at first, but kinda get creepy...

Finally, the 3rd bestDimSum you must have is the wan in Sungai Bulluh. Im sure many of you know where it is... although they dun have any seafood dimsum, but it have lots of variety also. Try the black pepper Siew Mai... it is delicious. the location for this place, ummm.. i also dunnu. i dunnu how to get there and no any land mark to tell u guys also.. but dun worry... i will find out soon.

So, in KL... this is my top 3 place to have dimsum, i would recomend, if u wanna go dimsum in morning, highly recomended that you go to Sri Petaling wan, else, if u wan mignight, then go Jalan Ipoh or Sungai Buluh....

Worth fighting for employee rights...

2005-12-15T11:30:00.000+08:00

When we first venture out into the working word, we are expected to talk and confidently prove ourselves to people that aside from owning a degree, we are still able to work efficiently. However, when working in a company, we are somehow expected to shut our mouth and do as we are told. What happen to giving feedback, exchanging ideas and the right to speak out our mind? Whether it is ideas, doubt or confusion, why our mouths are are somehow tied up by people above us... Truth to be told, I find it very sad that the reason why this occur are not because we are not afraid to speak out but rather being place the position of being inexperience, and being young.

In the world or professionalism, managers or seniors shouldn't discriminate people below them, rather guide them or at least open up to their ideas and except it if it is good. People who have years of experience should know not to indulge into their kiasu-ism behavior or feel threaten by junior getting their job. If a junior can get higher than a senior role in a company, then it should be the senior who should be blame for slacking off. Many managers especially, after getting the title "manager" doesn't mean they could sit their lazy ass in the office, do nothing and occasionally bully other below him. Even working in a project, a simple project manager has a huge responsibility to balance all the requirement and consultation from the client, management and from his teammates. They should be a team player and in a project, people should work as equally providing their expertise in the project itself. We are not talking about a hierarchical working class where we are force to do all the shitty work where else the project manager just slack off. In the end, who gets the blame if something went wrong? The lower class people will be the one that suffers the consequences. What happen if the project was a success? The managers will got all the credit where else we suck behind with nothing but learning experience and a pay that doesn't even fit to what we have done.

Juniors are expect to work 24/7 everyday and doesn't get paid off. For me, I finish work at 6 pm, why? Because I properly plan and productively finished my work on time and always finish my work in advance. Does that make me any less productive than other who work more than 9 hour and didn't get the job done. However, working until 6 pm and go back somehow giving the misinterpretation that I am not productive and the amount of project that I have done on time are not a viable to prove that I am productive.

When people are leaving their job because they can't stand what they are dealing with, they will be surprise that they would face the same thing over again in the next company. Why I say that? This is because, it have become a culture in Malaysia company that senior are given the privileges to slack off and junior have to do all their works for 24/7. We might gain the experience and learn something, but in the end, are we happy being torture like that and continuously torture for the rest in our life. I'm not craving for a luxuries life or an easy life, but this shouldn't be the case where working class people should be bullied to become a slave. People should realize that this is not the culture we should adapt. Look at what the westerner company are doing and they do just fine and even greater than any company in Malaysia. In Malaysia, being just an employee doesn't have any right to fight back or argue our point and we let other blindly step on our head. Should the case of "if you can't fight them, join them" be implement here or should we do something about it. I don't know about other, but I'm not going to sit down and do nothing about it. We should stand up for our right as an employee and speak up if anything is mistreated. We should fight for out rights. I am.... Are you?

ps: Even if we were to become a senior in future, we shouldn't be slacking off and repeat the mistake what our senior are doing. We should make a different and show the next generation in line that what it take to be working in an enviroment where we are all equally happy for what we are doing and do something which should be proud off. Although the company if not ours but we should have the culture of commiting to that company and grow with it. If we are to make Malaysia a growing country, we should stop this culture and prove ourselve and make a different. Who is with me?

Why always fail to DIET...

2005-12-07T15:38:00.000+08:00

As you can see why, I always fails when it come to dieting. The picture above is just a typical day of steamboat with my own family (5 people) and we manage to eat this much... totally crazy. It is so not fair, my family members are so thin wherelse me stuck with all fat in the world and worst part is, my parent always complain me being fat. However, everytime after dinner:

Me: aww.. so full cannot eat liau...
Mum: wah lau.. so many left over, you cannot waste food like tat, must eat finish..
Me: but i cant finish oledi....
Mum: do you know ppl are out there suffering with no food and here you are wasting food.
Me: (*feeling guilty)... ok..i eat finish...

So, after each meal.. feeling like a volcano, feel like wanna explode. Then every few minute after every meal... mum goes

Mum: haiyo.. u cannot eat so much le, see you so fat now... not healthy...
Me: .....

*I rest my case*

Painted or the real KLCC Twin Tower?

2005-12-05T11:47:00.000+08:00

It was the first time, I was able to fit the entire klcc building in my camera... was so excited and took the pic. However, the picture came out looking like a painted picture instead... weird but i was happy with the picture thou.

Yet another Food Feast...

2005-12-03T10:33:00.000+08:00

Forgot what is the name of this restaurant.. but it is in Mont Kiara beside starbuck...

Pig out at Modesto Hartamas...

2005-12-02T09:39:00.000+08:00

Went to Modesto in hartamas... the food is good but very pricey. I would recomend having the big seafood "Spagati" and the lagsania. Anyway for any of you dunnu where in hartamas, it is just opposite of buger king and also next to project gas station. Enjoy the picture...

Not only tat, the scene is to die for... ok, probably i talk too much. the scene here is nice. You can see turtle sun bathing, fish and i kinda like the whole indo design enviroment

Pumpkin Rice Anyone

2005-12-01T10:15:00.000+08:00

Yum Yum... everytime I go to U-Village at Sungai Wang, never fail to order my fav Pumpkin Rice. The portion is very big and also come with two pieces of pork and egg and sprinkle with some pumpkin sause... delicious...I lovin it...

Sans Francisco SUCK!!!

2005-11-29T11:36:00.000+08:00

Was celebrating HaHa birthday at Sans Francisco KLCC and it was a big dissapointment. First was Victoria Station and now Sans Francisco. The food is terrible and the portion is soo not worth it. the only thing i like is the decoration of the place and that it. Even the waiter SUCK. Well, I used to think why people advertise food so nice but taste suck in reality. Now i know why, look at the picture below, does it look tempting?

MA MA MIA!!!

2005-11-27T14:06:00.000+08:00

Was hanging out at Sungai Wang yesterday and saw a bunch of people wearing costume of their fav Anime. Wanted to ask if i can take their picture but sadly, most of them change back to their original human outfit oledi and some are too cocky to even bother me. However, Mia (pic) was kind enuf to walk up to me and give me her best shot. Muahahaha.

W.O.R.S.T guy talk I've ever heard

2005-11-23T23:38:00.000+08:00

"That girl is H.O.T" is the normal typical line that you will only hear if you travel with a pack of male friends. What else is there... Lemme give you the top 10 guy talk when it come to girls.

10. Bra line... More exciting if it is transparent or black bra in white tee

9. Short skirt... Ally Mcbeal Wannabe

8. “Oooo Baby”

7. Guy thing for girl in white tee and getting her wet

6. "Why can't that be my girlfriend" – Like he need to ask!

5. No Bra... no matter what size the boobs are, no bra means 10 points

4. "Long Kang"... these people suffer from a dramatic childhood trauma

3. Bending down... eventually the eye roll with it

2. Pamela Anderson wannabe... Like you need to ask!

1. *Sensor* ... this blog is 18SX

I never quite understand these creatures but I do know why guy invented "Talk Cock" session. However, having said all that, there was this incident where I met with this guy and he told me something that is so pervert that I wish I had a pen to stick up his sorry guccimama ass and burn that muthafucker alive. This is what happened. We were having Starbuck this one evening and happen that there was this lady sitting opposite of us. The lady did have a big boobs and wears something very very very very low cut and then my pervert friend start:

Him: OMG... did you see how big her boob is

Me: Let me introduce you... a FREAK show

Him: You know what...

Me: MY GOD...here he goes...

Him: I wanna walk up to her and pretend I was on the phone and then accidentally drop my phone in her long-kang and then take it back.

Me: Somebody kill me please...

The End... P.E.R.I.O.D and I rest my case...

Fat people & Non-Fat people

2005-11-16T11:28:00.000+08:00

I guess being fat, there comes a time when you get lots of critics from non-fat people. Seriously, I live my life being fat and most of the time I felt that people get irritate by my present... like I took up their space on earth. Being fat, it is either you got bully or GOT BULLY by other people. For me, I find that most of the non-fat people are irritating the most. Not only they tease you or say something hurtful, they exclude when there is any event but call you and treat u like their some-what best friend because they need your help to carry stuff simply because I am fat. Although I took some space on earth, I stand there quitely, why can't the non-fat people do the same?

Seriously, I find rather funny, because I used to slim down for good, but then I'm still consider in the F.A.T category. Imagine me from size 40 pants to 28 and I'm still the famous FAT asshole everyone knows. Anyway, I'm back being fat again; I guess I can't get away from all the delicious food in Malaysia. However, just entered gym recently to maintain and cut down some fat. Been a week now since I joined and I guess that I have loose some weight plus a huge blister below my feet. Didn't notice the blister before until yesterday, the blister broke and water keep running out and it pain like hell. I find it is interesting because the blister is like quarter of my feet and I saw a white layer below my skin and I go tangan gatal and cut all the skin out. It was fun at first until the next morning, I couldn't walk at all and the pain, somebody just take a gun and kill me right now. This is called chi kei loh suih, sendiri cari pasal, or serves me right.

Where Loves Reside

2005-11-12T00:53:00.000+08:00

Two weeks ago, a friend of mine told me he was in love with this girl and every since, my friend been calling her, chatting with her and apparently trying his best to win the girl heart. Today, he told me that the girl has a boyfriend. Being a friend, I told him I was sorry to hear that but instead, he told me, he already has a date with another girl tomorrow night. A few friends of mine once told me the easiest way to get a girlfriend and go steady with her is during the college time because apparently when we start working, we have no time to find one and that is why we need a backup. A friend of mine, who apparently was married and still is, cheated on his wife by meeting other woman half his age and sadly to be told, he is still doing it.

When it comes to love, people often fool themselves that they were able to love someone for eternity. What they fail to mention was the love they had was never for that someone but for someone else. Love was never a something special one had with another, it is just a special moment that last for a short period of time then move on to another person. When you met that special someone and you called it "love at first sight" and then have this huge so-called announcement that you are in love. Ask yourself, is that really love or just plain high school crush on someone. When you are in a relationship, can you say that you are in love with your partner or was it because you just need someone in your life so you won't look as pathetic as you used too. When in a relationship that doesn't work out, where does the love goes? Is love so plain nowadays that it somehow become so meaningless and empty? But then again, who are me to argue at this point... Truth to be told, I was never a believer when it comes to true love and yet, still I question myself all this while what does being in love means.

I wanna RIP their head off...

2005-11-08T23:06:00.000+08:00

You know, when people say that whenever you go, you tend to meet some really fuckup people, and May I advise you... believe them. I not gonna waste my time complaining about my past fuckup people cos what is the point talking about them when you can bitch about the current one. Once upon a time, I saw this very beautiful lady and I admire her cos she looks some-what amusing which btw, is a freaking bitch. The freaky thing is, you can never tell by just looking at her. She is kinda like this beautiful thing that attracted you and then kill u on the spot.

Seriously, the thing is, I never talk to her but I greet her when I met her. I smile at her when I pass by her and I talk in the most good-manner way I could with her. But this bitch, like to insult me in any way she could just becos I'm too FAT. Read it and weep it my friends and believe me, this so called miss attitude has a kid and man do I feel sorry for her.

When I am in charge of food for a party, she goes "Shit, I don't expect there would be any food left cos you eat it all up". When we eat at the same table, she goes "Don't you come over and steal our food". When we are in the same office, she goes "No wonder the internet line is slow, you hog all the line". When we were about to eat, she goes "Please, don't come near the food" or "Please be the last person to take the food cos there might have some left for u to hog it all up" and all the fucking bitching comment she had on me.

What is the problem with her? Tell me, am I over sensitive here or does she have some issue with me. I know for once she got her PERIOD and leave the toilet bowl all fill with her blood but yet I still smile to her and treat her as a person. Why can she do the same for me ... well, minus the part about the period. Anyway, my point is... I know I am FAT and I pay for what I eat. If I happen to eat in a group, I keep my portion small and then later go out and eat like a pig cos I dunwan other people to pay extra for my portion. Even if someone want to pay for my food, I wouldn't feel comfortable cos I dunwan to actually kill their wallet so that my stomach is full. Man, this bitch... seriously, I so wanna chop her pretty face off and kick it back to fucker land. This muthafucker seriously need someone to stick a stick up her guccimama ass and shut her bitchy FAT mouth up.

Food Festival

2005-11-04T00:06:00.000+08:00

I must admit, I eat ALOT, but why stop here... Let me share it with everyone and here is some of my best KONICA session with my loving food.

First, let me introduce one of the finest restaurant in Danau Kota which I dunnu what it is called, just know where to find it.

This is the famous RM8 fish. You can ask for any style you want and believe me it is BIG and worth the money.

Spicy Kang-Kong cooked with sambal.

Not forgetting, this delicious fried pork with yam.

Next Stop… Manhattan Fish Market at Ikano, where you can find some nice cheap western-style cooked seafood.

Luv it when they burn the thing in front of me, felt so exclusive. Du-uh.

Careful, 4 prawn encounter.

Next, we have Johnny steamboat at 1 Utama.

The lemon chicken a bit sweet but tender. Dun like the small portion.

Kailan cook too much with oyster sos. STICKY but still ok.

The tomyam sup was ok, infact the only dish which I think it is nice.

Kerabu was ok, but not my cup of tea.

One word. SUCK!

Hmm, no complain for the fish here. What are you looking at.

And the following stop is the Secret Recipe at Damansara Utama.

Garlic chicken. Nice and full of flavour. But portion too small. REJECT.

Tick with black pepper sauce and the portion are ok. Acceptable. PASS

Anyway, until then. Hope you are not cursing me for making you hungry and enjoy the picture.

Wake up, Work, Come back, Sleep

2005-11-03T00:17:00.000+08:00

Here I am, stuck in the middle of Deepavali and Raya and nothing to write about or at least I thought I had. Lately, the feeling of frustration and emptiness just keep pilling up and here I thought that I could easily express it out but it seems that I have ran out of words or am I trying to avoid writing about it anymore. Life has been quit calm lately and I'm pretty much being my old self again (translation: I don't have a life). Where else for work, well... I think work is just work. I feel as if being a 20 something year old guy has no meaning at all. Wake up, work, come back, sleep and that is pretty much sum up my life. What happen to all those great time story of our grandparents used to tell us? What happen to those entire so-called adventurous stories that keep us wishing our life is as great as it is when we grow up. I don't want to end up being 50 years old and then, tell my grandchildren that all I do is just wake up, work, come back, sleep and the end. I definitely don't want to tell people that the only time I went to Europe is when I sit in front of my pc and Google it. Well, I guess there is nothing much for me to say. Here I am sitting in the middle of Deepavali and Raya, while my colleagues and friends are out partying, and celebrating, I'm sitting in front of my PC doing some F***ing documents for my company. The End!

End of Blogging?

2005-10-15T23:52:00.000+08:00

Having my finger touching the keyboard and wanted to start blogging about something, it suddenly occurs to me that I have nothing to write about. I have tons of things to say, thing that stuck in my mind and I do have a lot of unfinished journal that still waiting me to put an ending to it but why do I suddenly felt so empty. I so wanted to write about my trip back to my family to help up on moving to new house, I wanted to write about how I misses the old house and how I stay up all night just staring at my old room before the day I moved out. I even wanted to write about my work and how thing got so tied up in a mess that even I myself couldn't untied it. Having said all that, I didn't know what I am anymore these days. Thing that I shouldn't be worried and it somehow affect my mood and I somehow go crazy and cut my hair in Mohawk style with a bald line like Mike Tyson. I thought that I will get screw up big time with my boss but they like it eventually and said that if I go for interview for the post Art Director, I might get the job just because of my hair. Anyhow, back to blogging... is this really the end of blogging. Given the time off, I somehow couldn't find the appropriate word to express out my feelings or even couldn't think of anything to write. My friends say that I only write blog if I am emotionally gone crazy or depress. Is it a good signing that I rarely blog anymore these days. Even some of the good blogger that I like to read from time to time have stop writing anymore. Have we somehow lost interest in blogging or is blogging season have just past and I haven't aware of it. I don't know about myself... should I continue blogging about meaningless stuff anymore and focus on something else. Hmm… we'll see how it goes.

Being Confirm .. Yippeee.....

2005-10-04T22:52:00.000+08:00

When it come to a sudden certain point of time, we tend to look back and look how far we have gone and how much we had change along the journey to some yada yada extend. Yesterday, after working for 3 month, I've been confirm and thankfully, I've been place in a position that I can officially say that I am moving up one notch to become a Project Manager. I was given a role as a Project Lead and although this doesn't seem much for some who have work for 1 year plus as a programmer but I am for once happy to have that title because I seriously earn it and I am slowly moving up with more hard work and commitment. However, when I look back one year ago, when I start work and how I perform in my previous and current job, I was actually surprise of what I have done and achieve so far. I was never the kind that is confident enough to say that I did a good job or perform well or was it because I’ve listen to many criticisms from other people on how bad my stuff is.

I was told from one of my ex-colleague that when I step off from that company, I will never survive or I would not last long in one company because he says I was cheap and naïve in some sort of ways. Some even critic that all I do is complaint and never got my work done and I will never deserve what I want in the end. Most of the critic makes me unease and it make me wonder, are they all right at one point? Back then, in my previous company, my team successfully delivery 1.4 million projects and I single hand did all the design, documentation, PR, managing, presentation and contribute my programming skill with my team but why still I not get the recognition from other people. I left my company thinking where I did wrong and then I enter my current company.

It was hard at first, but I did nothing much but continue expanding my knowledge and continue my normal working procedure as what I did in my previous company and to think that in just 3 month, they somehow give back my confident and give me something for what I worth and also beleiving in me for what I've done. In the end, when I look back at my past, all I can do is laugh at it and smile. Not because of what other say wrongly about me, and I don't need to prove myself to them or anybody. I will still keep moving forward and hopefully I will reach my destination of becoming somebody. Somebody who is not afraid of what is thrown to him and somebody will change a future for a better cause and having a life worth living for. I congrat myself for being this far and having this role.. WOO HOOOOoooooo.....

What would you ask?

2005-09-19T23:49:00.000+08:00

Apparently, when things never turn out the way it is or when thing starting to get rough and when you are somehow worries about what might become in your future, there is only one thing to do... see a fortune teller. When I was young, I never did actually believe in these fortune yada shit... you know, having your future predicted where else most prediction somehow end up so generic until I myself could even predict my own future. Kind of like, you must beware while driving this year, you would either change job or get a raise this year. Well, not to say that I'm a non-believer but all of these seem so corny. I mean, common... it is been always like a so-called-fashion-trend for people to change job... when you don't get a raise, therefore you leave for a better one and I definitely don't need a crystal ball to tell me that.

However, speaking of which... it is always a friend's friend who always end up with this famous fortune tellers and somehow, the story always sounds so convincing and shame of me to say this, but I think I'm kind of tempted to go myself. Not for any particular reason but with the recent incident happened to me which I didn't know what or how I should feel anymore, I felt that, by knowing some thing out from a fortune teller might at lease ease up a bit of my tension. However, people go to fortune teller because there is something bothering them. For instance, love life, career, money, house wreck and etc, I couldn't help but wonder what I am going to. When I look at my life, it is just like an empty glass, and I didn't know what or where to begin.

Then again, should I go... what if, thing doesn’t turn up like it used to, what if even more bad news or what if, coming out and yet still feeling empty as I was before. Should I worry myself even more? Even if I knew what is going to happen, will I able to change my fate. Fortune teller read our future like reading our destiny diaries where everything is written so clear that it might happen in our future. What if I somehow change my course of direction, will the book show differently from what the fortune teller told me earlier? There is so much possibility in life but in the end, it is worth knowing your future or grab it by the balls and embrace it?

Killing with Question...

2005-09-17T23:56:00.000+08:00

There were times, when all I do was just works, works and works. Up until a time, when I start questioning myself, is there more to life than just work. Being myself all this while, I always find it ironic because come to think of it, what would I do if I was not working. I spend most of my weekend doing the same regular thing over and over again up until a certain point, it somehow become my part time job or a fix regular schedule where my body is automatically responded to every single day of my life. In some point, I find that my working life, somehow seems so much meaningful and I felt a sense of direction where I am trying to achieve something special than having spend my time relaxing and achieve nothing at all.

However, having said all that, with all the mix messages and emotional suffering I had with work, I somehow questioning myself back with a lot of questions and somehow, I felt insecure, misleading and unsure what I had become as a person. Having stuck with questions like will I be confirmed, will I get reward accordingly as to what I had delivered, will I able to meet the deadline, did I meet the expectation, will my team perform as they should, are they hating me for what I've done, when should we delivered this module and what should be delayed, what are the risk, is the client happy, am I over stepping the boundaries or am I questioning myself too much? After all the questioning, I couldn't help but wonder...is these suppose to be the task of a new intern programmer?

I keep asking myself why was I pick to lead the team, why was I given the responsibility when my team consist of some senior programmers where else I'm just a junior programmer and why do the company hired me to do something which is clearly not my job title and yet, they trusted me to do it. Should I be proud of myself and be happy with it or keep killing it with questions? Either way, the questions somehow make me even more confuse than ever or have I brought this on myself by assuming too much which supposedly I am not.

Why do most project fail?

2005-09-09T09:56:00.000+08:00

In any given situation, I couldn't help but wonder... why do most projects fail or typically why a project couldn't meet its deadline? Was it the technology or was it simply bad project management? In most cases, I always think that project was something straight forward and with a proper planning and scheduling, none of these so called issues would ever occur. Heck, many peoples come out with so many best practices on how to manage a project but yet, why have so many had failed? Given a simple project, one might blame the timeline is short, over workload, bad technology, inexperience and bla bla bla but yet, why can't anyone see that the problem here is the resources itself.

When it comes to project management, to me, it is none other than applying simple common psychology processes with good time management. Even when dealing with huge project and with little resources on hand, still there is a possibility of successfully finishing a project. In a project, psychology plays a huge role in manipulating the resources on hand. Not in a bad way, but lets see it as a team motivation. People are not hard to understand, people are just creature with feeling and a little bit of encouragement might do some wonders. In a project, knowing your teammates and know how to compromise with them is the first step to work together as a team. Build a strong foundation among each other and you will get "Communication" which I think is the key to most things. It is not always about the company, it is not because we are hired to do our stuff or it is not because I have to do it because it is just work, but we do it for the goals and a sense of achievement for both ourselves and to the company. But do we realize that, sadly none of us have.

In most project, it is not just for the sake of finishing it, we must somehow come out with something that have quality and also live up to a certain standard that bring ourselves upfront among other competitor. Do you think that an overload resource might perform well in their work, and even if they manage to finish it on time, do you think the work is quality enough? Where is the sense of time management here? All work and no play make Jack a dull boy and does anyone care about this Jack the dull boy? NO. I find it rather funny when I went for most interviews as a programmer. To most company, they expect programmer to work 24/7 and the usual questions would be "Do you have a problem working late?" First thing that strike my mind is that this company don't have a proper time management for their pitiful staff. Don't get me wrong, I have no problem working late but working 24/7 have make a mockery out of me, making me feel dumb in a way for not able to be as productive as I hope I would be.

When people work late, people tend to complain that they don't have a life, they feel tired, exhausted and de-motivated and to make matter worst, they probably get blame for not being so productive. You see, with this stupid little stuff, I probably think that these dull people would later spend most of their time thinking about leaving the job or probably brain malfunctioning than they would ever participate in a project itself. Because of that, a project got delay for no reason at all. It is always bias when it come to work, there will always be a person who got all the attention and the other which is still stuck in a shadow. This kind mindset which favoring their teammates will cause resources wastage. Yes, I agree that some perform better than other, but would you agree that by having one superman and overload him with the entire task will make his/her work any better or having a superman and share his work loads with his/her other few sidekick will. The resource is there, why not fully utilize it and yet, we blame other issues for project failure. Anyway, I think I talk crap long enough but at least it help me realize some important aspect of being one of the teammate and how one affect one another and how we all work as a team.

Asses are not just for shitting...

2005-09-03T01:51:00.000+08:00

On one unfortunate event, I was stuck in the middle of a dancing school. I didn't know how I got there or how my friends trick me there but the fact that I was there. Here in my mid twenties and I am stuck with a bunch of fifties people dancing in a sixties dancing school. It was BAD that I have to tolerate with their version of "getting jiggy" with it” but the fact that the horror of having the experience seeing most grandpas there dress up like some version of John Travolta in "Saturday Night Fever" was more that I can tolerate. There, in the middle of the room... all I can see is a bunch of wood sticking up and down with no move at all. However, it got me thinking... since when sixties come back in style and even so since when elderly people become so hip and happening of all the sudden.

It would seem that dancing school has suddenly become the replacement for "disco" for grandpas and grandmas (Oops... do people still use the word Disco...). What surprise me even more is that my mum too get hook with this so called dancing school and just about an hour ago, she told me that "Asses are not just for shitting but shaking it". Imagine this, your mum used the phrase "shake you booties"... talk about suicide. Then it got me thinking, imagine one hot weekend, when you are feeling hip and trending and ready to go clubbing when your parent too are ready with their "Grease" theme outfit and as ready as you are to go dancing school. That is so weird. I mean no offence. I didn't mean when one go wrinkle up doesn't mean they can't have some fun. It just that, I have certain image of elderly people where it doesn't involve them saying "Cool" or "Shake your booties". Well, I guess that I'm the only mid twenties people that is not so open-minded about this stuff. Heck, I bet that the elderly people nowadays are more hip than I am. Here I am, in my mid twenties working 24/7 and them, boogie all night long.

New Technology... USB-Sage

2005-08-29T22:22:00.000+08:00

Still remember the movie "Matrix"...remember the part where NEO hatta stuck a huge cable behind his head and transfer some Kung-FU tricks into his mind. Wouldn't that be great if that really apply to all of us... well, accept minus the part where we have to shave our f***ing head to look like Sinead O'Conner. Anyway, let me introduce the latest technology called: USB-Sage...

We first have to implant the USB-Sage port into our forehead and then used the USB cable to plug it into our PC. See, simple and tidy... no need to worry like what our poor Keanu Reeve did in Matrix. Once plug into the PC, wait until your windows show...
Once "Idiot Detected" is shown on your task bar, then click on your "My Computer" and you will have a new drive in your desktop. Then just drag and drop any digital files into the drive and that it... SIMPLE. With USD-Sage, you don't have to worry about studying for your pathetic exam, or having hard time remembering anything. However, the transfer rate will depend on how fast your brain process and also the storage will depend on how big your brain is. So, sorry for any of you pea-brain out there... less storage for you.

However, there are some minor advices if you transfer a file into your pathetic brain. DO NOT format your PC with your USB cable plug into your forehead... you will get amnesia or probably become vegetable. Please BACKUP your memory once a month and teach your housemate, partner or family to recover any memory lost from your brain. BEWARE of virus incase you are affected.

So... Buy USB-Sage and we all know... Knowledge is power... PS: Plug on your own risk.

Where am I... and What does it really mean...

2005-08-28T01:45:00.000+08:00

As I open my eye, I was on a train, sitting next to the window. Outside was dark and everything passes so quickly for me to even glimpse at where I am except for the moon, shinning still in the sky. Then I notice, I wasn't carrying anything and my trailer was empty except for me, a little girl who is crying and an old man, all sitting separated far apart. I looked at the little girl crying but then I realize there is no sound, not even a slightest train sound. Everything was mute. Looking at the little girl, somehow she looks very familiar and yet I couldn't remember who she is. I was starting to freak out but still, I was stuck with million of questions or more importantly, where I am. As I stood up from my seat, the train stopped and the door opened. I didn't know what to do but somehow, I felt this is my stop.

I walked out and there I stood alone, confuse, frustrated and scare. I felt, there is nothing I can do but just walk and hoping along the way, I could get some answers. The first few steps, I was scared and walking in this empty road, I felt so insecure and unpredictable. Slowly, my steps becomes faster and faster and finally, I run. I run as long as I can remember until..., I reach a bungalow in front of me. The lights were on and I saw shadows of peoples walking in the house. I opened the door and there I saw, all those familiar faces and yet, I'm having difficulty remember who they all are. As I walk pass trough the familiar crowd, I notice some of them laughing at me, staring at me, and some pity me and yet I couldn't hear them. Am I somehow become deaf or was it something else. I felt as if I'm standing there and the world just spins endlessly.

Questions keep pilling up and yet still no answer. I didnt know why, but I rush into the toilet, locking myself inside, away from those entire crowds. I saw myself in the mirror and I was pale. I turn the taps on and splash the water on my face. This time, the mirror shows me a reflection of all the people I know, peoples which I call my friends. I bang on the mirror, shouting, calling to them but there were no sound and they didn't notice me. I continue banging until the mirror shattered into million pieces. One of the pieces struck into my eye and then I open my eye. I was in my room and I can hear the sound of my fan spinning and then I realize, I was dreaming all along. The dream got me restless and tired that whole day but most of all, until now; I couldn't help but wonder, why is that little girl crying, who is the other old guy, why is everyone laughing at me, judging me, and why can't my friends hear me, why are they ignoring me and most importantly what does this dream really means...

How do we live our pethetic 20% of our life to the fullest?

2005-08-17T23:55:00.000+08:00

When it comes to middle age people, we spend 80% of our time working so that we could spend 60% less headache when we reach our old miserable life. Seriously, when it comes to our other 20%, what do we actually have left? We barely had time to rest yet alone making our life interesting. Probably it is just me, but who doesn't want a nice house, fancy car, plenty of money to spend, or a job that pay well? Heck, I only want a single-sit sofa and that even cost more than my salary alone. Even living alone is F***ING expensive.

Anyway, back to the 20% of our miserable life, how do we live it to the fullest and yet still have the energy to go back to our 80% working life. I definitely don't want to be the kind of person that wake up every morning and go to work and come back and sleep and end up saying "That is the story of my life"…period (wait, that currently what I'm doing every single day...F**K). Every time, when I browse trough any magazine, looking at those hip and happening people going to some big event looking awe so fabulous and all the money they could spend... well, I wonder for a second, thinking at my current pathetic life... well, let's not even go there. How do these people do it?

Seriously, how do single pathetic being like me, living slash working in a city alone, can live life to fullest without worries, without depression, without imagine taking knife and cut my wrist and laugh in the toilet mirror (I'm joking). My friends think I'm pathetic and depress but what can they understand? They everyday go back to their family, and have tons of friends to hang out with. How can they possibly understand what single slash alone out-station people felt? My friend say that it is an excuse and excuse of us not mixing around. Not that I'm anti-social or un-friendly or didnt want to mix around but tell me, how to make friends in this 20% time we had left. Not to mention, like hell I'm going out and simply say hi and BAMP*, we are friends now... thank you so much for making my life interesting. Anyway, my 20% for today is running out... need to go to work... and that is the story of my life... temporary... for now.

Never meant to be any sort of Relationship...

2005-08-12T23:33:00.000+08:00

In any relationship, whether with a friends, lovers, ex-lovers, colleagues or even ex-colleagues, I find it rather funny why none seems to last for me. When it comes to breakups, I always seem to think that I was the problem and it always got me to wonder why or what went wrongs. In any given relationship, I always thought that I had it but in reality I had nothing but millions of scars to haunt me. However, it got me thinking about relationship, how do we know if one is committed to it?

Often, when it comes to people that I had known, it is either they are using me or wanting something from me. Stupidly, I always fall to where they wanted me to be. I'm not surprise when one will say hi to me and then wanted something from me. I'm not surprise when one will call me up once in a blue moon and ask me for help. I'm definitely not surprise when one will suddenly pop out of nowhere and jerk me around like they used to do. I've stop questioning myself for all the fail relationship I had. I know that I have spend endless of time making one happy, treat them like best friends and invest everything I had in every relationship and I am seriously tired of being broken over and over again.

When it comes to relationship, why do we still invest when we know there is no benefit in it? Why do we care for people when it is clearly that, they did not care for us? Why do we force ourselves to be with someone when that someone is using you and yet we still go back to that someone? Why do relationships have to be that hard? Relationship... Why can't it be like any fairy tales where everything start off a bit rough and end happily ever after? Why the other ways round?

I’m tired of listening to the same old excuses and broken promises when I already know the ending. Having said, after all the fail relationship, shouldn't I be any wiser. After all, I fall countless time and yet I stand up and move on but why can't I prevent myself from falling again. However, having said all that...relationship... is like scattered pictures of the smiles we all left behind. Smile we all used to give one another. If we had the chance to do it all again...tell me...should I give a damn.

Blog Evolution ... In the state of Change

2005-08-11T22:40:00.000+08:00

It all started on 2nd Dec 2003, when I started blogging and I have come to realize that many things have change in term of design, the journal, mindset, the title, blogsite and many more. Not that I fancy blogging, but I used to like writing poems or any story which I can play around with many beautiful words and that how I started my blog. However, as time to time, blogging somehow become a place where I find comfort or a companion and places where I can express my feeling instead of some made up stories. Kinda like, shouting on top of a mountain to release all your inner suffering. Not that I wanted to shout it to the world but it felt like, every time when I wrote something, I felt some relief in a way. Sometimes, looking back at my old journal, I felt that some journal are just plain stupid and I always wonder why I bother writing it and some journal reminded me some of the painful memories and some happy incident happened in this past 1 year and 8 months.

Here, looking at my latest blog design... I don't know... I felt something is missing or was it too plain. In 1 years plus, I have come out with 7 different kinds of design and so far, I am only impress with 3 design. Well, at least I realize that I must rely to my mood when it comes to design. I'm not some designer that can come out with anything in anytime. Not to mention, with recommendation of a friend, I change my blogsite from JRoller to Blogspot. Blogspot is easy to use but I still need time to familiar with it but compare to JRoller, Blogspot doesn't provide as much functionality as JRoller itself or probably I wasn't aware of it. However, the reason I change is because I think I destroy my JRoller blog template by implementing too much self-customization. Another reason is because it seems many people are using Blogspot, dunnu what is the big fuss is all about but I'm using it now and finding out myself. Well, cheer to change and I hope you like this blog design. Cheer!!!

A tribute to all mother out there...

2005-08-08T22:14:00.000+08:00

Mother... what I would give to have you with me right now. What I would give to feel you loving touch, seeing your smile and your tender voice to calm me down. Working in outstation has never been easy and I always felt so lonely and worst of all, being separated away from you. Nevertheless, being a mother, I guess with my silence and with me telling you that I was happy while I'm not, you always knew how lonely and sad I was and you were always there to comfort me with your calls. Every time, when my Ghost-Buster ring tone would rang, I would smile knowing you were there. That what you are, a strong independent woman who I admire the most because you were always there to chase away my ghost.

When I was young, I used to hate you because you were mean, you always block me from thing I wanted to do, and always punish me but I was young and naïve. I didn't know you care so much for me but I guess that what all children would feel. After many years of growing up, I realize that what you did was for the best of me, and it always got me thinking about you and I thank you for being patient all these years for me to realize that. Being a mother is not an easy job. Having to cook, clean, taking care of family and etc in which having no time to themselves and it make me sad to see the pain, lonely and stress of a mother had to go trough but being a child, that when I will be there for you. I admire most mothers out there, who able to put them-selves out there doing the hardest job of all only to expect respect and love back from their family. To all mothers out there and especially to my mum, you are the most beautiful person and I love you so much.

The reign of Yam-cha is finally over...

2005-08-06T11:55:00.000+08:00

It was a typical hot Friday night and no matter how hard I try to sleep, I couldn't seem to find my way to the dreamland. I didn't know whether it is the hot weather or something is troubling in my mind. As I turn endlessly on my bed, I can feel my body as if frying on top of my grill-bed. Finally, after hours of torturing of my body, mind and soul, I seriously need to get out from my room for some fresh air. So, I drove to the nearest mamak and order my typical drink and sat there alone with my cigarette light on. While I was sitting there, I noticed 3 guys sitting on the next table laughing endlessly (probably a normal typical talk-cock session). Somehow, looking at them reminded me so much on the time me and my two best friends was having our Yam-cha session.

I still remember clearly how we would skip work and go Yam-cha for like endless time within one day but the memory seems to slowly fade away and I slowly forgot how it felt to be there with them anymore. I didn't know whether fate is playing with me for leading me out and remind how things used to be and stick it in front of my faces. However, I do wish we would get together sometimes to catch up on stuff but it would seem that everyone is too busy to actually meet up. What a bummer... since the day we got separated, we were too busy going on our own path to actually meet up or wes it just me that is craving to meet up. Anyhow, I could officially declare that the reign of Yam-cha between 3 of us is finally over. After that night, I went back to my room and I didn't know whether I was really tired or the trouble in my mind or the fact that I miss my 2 best friend, I just shut my eye and sleep off and waking up the next day feeling sad again.

Having too much time not to think of a Title

2005-07-31T15:58:00.000+08:00

When it come to people like me having too much time to myself, I sometimes wonder why it is so hard for me to move on or even start a new life? I felt like as if I was dead million of time and reborn over and over again but stuck in the same world where everything seems so familiar. Although living in a new life, when it come to certain point of time, when I saw a bunch of friends laughing, when I saw couple holding hand or when a mother play with her children, I often smile but deep inside, I didn't know why I felt so sad. They say that time will heal, time will kill the pain but why do I still feel the same and why do time keep bring me back to the same old time and remind me how it felt so good. Why do times always steal away the thing I treasure most? It is always the same, whether back then or now, when I found joy or when I feel safe, thing will turn upside down and I'm back to being alone again. It seems that my only companion in life is my own memories of the past. A past which keep haunting me and breaking me into pieces. I couldn't help but wonder, when will my circle of deja-vu will ever end?

Be strong honey. I love you too!

2005-07-27T12:00:00.000+08:00

Got this joke from askmen.com. Men thought they had it, but Women definately got it.. hahaha...I'm not bias but enjoy the joke...

A man escapes from prison, where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns, and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the girl to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

His wife responds, "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!

Mister Sensitivity

2005-07-25T10:30:00.000+08:00

When it come to certain situation whether it is good or bad, it seem that I always fall into the same loop hole over and over again. I have this habit of thinking too much possibility why a certain situation happen until I always end up with a list of negative judgment. To me, I was never a believer when it comes to people approaching me without a motive or what-so-ever stuff they wanted from me. Probably I'm exaggerating, but I'm sure that 95% of the people I meet never fail to prove that I am right. Am I being too sensitive or am I'm doing the right thing having a doubt to protect myself so that I won't drop as hard as to realize the truth when the truth have been predicted.

Sometimes I tell myself not to be so sensitive but I always end up being vulnerable and fall into the same trap over and over again until I'm back to my usual mister sensitivity again. However, sometime, my sensitivity get the worst of me until I never trust a person that mean well and I loose a good relationship with that particular person. Living in a city where everyone is competing with every single being out there, how do we identify a person that is "udang di sebalik magie mee" and the person that is worth having as a friend or even life companion? But then again, such people are like a needle in a haystack and I'm not that lucky to meet any of them anyway. So why put my guard down or should I?

I Climb Tree More Than You Walk

2005-07-22T15:10:00.000+08:00

Like any typical yamcha-ing session that I've been too, it always involve sitting in a time-capsule and go back to someone pass historical moment. The other day, PK was telling me how she misses the old days, when the time she would spend her time swimming in a river near her home, climb endless tree with her sister and even play tons of games which most of it I haven't heard before. However, in my mind, she was kind of like the Malaysian version of Pocahontas (well, now turning into Catwomen with her whip and also tight leather suit since the day she enter the KL city area).

However, it never fail to amuse me when some friends try to tell me how they ponteng school, get into a fight, run into woods, got chase by dog or any other stuff which kids in my previous time would do. When I look at myself, I somehow regret that I have grown pass that periodic timeline and regret that I never once did any of that stuff which my friends did before and I somehow envy them. When I compare with all my friends, I find that I am somehow pathetic. They spend their time swimming in a river with their friends while I swim in my private pool. While my friends were playing in the field, I was learning piano and oil painting. While my friends were out camping or school trip, I was stuck with my family going oversea.

Probably this is the curse for being the only son in the family. So, for the entire parent out there, born at least 2 similar gender kids so you guys can't keep track when one had gone missing. Darn it, I always ask my mum, why I don't have a big brother, why just focus on me. How sad?

La Situación Me Dejó Triste

2005-07-14T22:30:00.000+08:00

Now that I am free from what I though I was trap, I thought that I will be happy or at least able to breathe or have I fall into another trap. Every morning, when I woke up, I couldn't help but wonder, looking into the mirror... those dark circle, those pale skin, those messy hair and most of all, those lips which I couldn't make myself to smile. Although I am free, I felt as if my emotion still tied up with the past and I somehow become desperate.

Looking into the mirror, I didn't know what have I had become or what will I be. Having this feeling, sometimes I wish that I was born without emotion... not able to feel happy, sad, hurt, joy or what-so-ever that is clouding my mind right now. The more I stare into the mirror, I imagine myself punching the mirror, screaming, shave all my hair, cut all my cloths into peices and just trash my entire room but that is just plain stupid and irrational. Instead, I light up a cigarette hoping when I exhale the smoke out, it will take out all my feeling away.

Looking at the mirror...I couldn't help but wonder when I will be truly free... or am I my own trap?

Kingdom of Heaven, Starlight Cinema of Hell!!!

2005-07-08T11:09:00.000+08:00

Cantonese people like to say Chi Kei Loh Suih (Sendiri Cari Pasal) which is obviously true because we human tend to have itchy backside when it come to try something new and end up complaining like I am. Yesterday night, my friend ask me to go Starlight Cinema to watch Kingdom of Heaven and forgive my ignorance, I thought there is some new cool cinema opening up with giant wide screen, good surround sound system and which however, what I didn't aware was the wider open space with no chair or even aircond. After so much of consideration, I thought that this might not end up so bad because since it is open air, I thought that I can smoke which end up CANNOT.

Don't get me wrong, but the show is kind of okay and the idea of Starlight Cinema is good but this is just isn't my cup of tea. I would rather pay 20 buck to sit in a normal comfortable cinema plus large caramel popcorn on my hand. Seriously, if they were to remake Kingdom of heaven on my very own version, it would definitely called Starlight of Hell which starting me as the main character. The story of Kingdom of Heaven portrait a knight a.k.a black smith who was destine to lead a bunch of soldiers while my version of Starlight of Hell portrait a normal typical and pathetic of myself who is not destine to go Starlight Cinema ever again. PERIOD!!! Note: Picture taken in Langkawi.

One mind... Million Thought...

2005-07-06T21:37:00.000+08:00

Having million of thought remain inside my mind and yet my finger just stood there freezing on my keyboard with no word to express it out. I couldn't help but wonder...

The Zha Zha Zsu - Depress, Doubt and Not wanting to let Go

2005-06-24T21:38:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, as I walked out from my company door, I suddenly felt this huge wave of emotion coming right at me. I felt as if I am being held back and I never wanted to go away and on the same time, being drag away into the sea because I wanted too. I thought I make it clear that it is time for me to move on but still...

I had a box with me when I walked out, and the more step further away and with the picture of me and my colleagues hanging on top of the box, I pause for a moment. It felt like butterflies in my stomach where I know that all of us are going to meet someday, but the feeling of... what if it is not enough or I want more than that or I wanted to be with them forever.

Some people believe that the people we meet in our life are somehow planned in the circle of cosmic relation of our pass life. Kind of like, if I bully this guy in the pass life and in the next life, I will be bully by him. What if, certain karma, love, relation, or companion from our previous life comes back to us in this life but for a fix certain period of our life? Then, will the relationship of me and my colleagues ended here and then see you in next life for another one year and seven month again?

As I look back, I will definitely miss this place and my colleagues. Although it was just one and half years, it looks like the memories of us walking in together was still clear in my mind. The memories of the breakfast, the hang out, the smile, the smoking session, the lunch, the jokes and etc and most importantly, we were there. With the box still in my hand, I look back front and move forward, taking that next step but deep inside, I hope that this is not goodbye...

Here's looking at you kid!

2005-06-18T21:39:00.000+08:00

Here's looking at you kid -Casablanca... Hmm, time is ticking off and although the past few days, was feeling kind of depress to leave but it is clear to me that I had make a choice. I'm not going to worry about tomorrow or the day after tomorrow and the following days. For one and a half years I've been trying to believe and confide in different people I've found. Some of them got closer than others and some wouldn't even bother but what important most it that you guys appear. Everyday, you guys give me reason not to walk away, you guys made me stopped believing that I should run away, you guys too always seem to know where to find me and yet why am I'm still here behind you guys. Every time, I always depend on you guys to get me back on track but why do I get lost on the first place, where did I go wrong? Starting today, although I will fall, lost and fails over and over again but one day, I want you guys to see me as I am the man I will be. So, I am saying goodbye and thank you...

What make a GOOD leadership? Somebody just can't get enough of himself...

2005-06-15T21:42:00.000+08:00

First of all, I could say that working for nearly 2 years, it have definitely help me in many ways and one would definitely be "identify the suckers in the company". For me, being around him was never an issue, kind of like an annoying noise that keeps on going forever and it is a shame that I have to live with it. Well anyway, this is what happened, this guy who think he is the team leader is very annoying and post a quote of ten rules of leadership. I know he is expecting me to comment something back to his post but instead I wrote a stupid entry back to his blog. But before anything else, I guess I have to describe him for awhile and then got a very good comment from somebody that know him too...hehehe and that somebody wanna post his comment in my blog..enjoy

Scene 1: Nobody drop dead and elected this guy as team lead.

Scene 2: As a fake team leader, he play games all day long and we play game for like 5 minutes and work for more than 10 hours and somehow we get yell/scold/accuse for playing in that 5 minutes.

Scene 3: As a fake team leader, he didn't want to take up any responsibility for any work and throw all the dirty work to his team. If the thing work fine, he took all the credit and if the things turn bad, he blames the person doing the stuff.

Scene 4: As a fake team leader, he hates doing documentation, management, coding and most of the stuff. All he wanted is some crazy power and order people to do his dirty stuff.

Scene 5: As a fake team leader, he never understands his own team and never works around with them to work perfectly as a team. He also never hear their suggestion and always assume everyone agree with his suggestion. If there is a conflict, he will always think that his way is always right and other I always wrong.

Scene 6: As a fake team leader, he always mentally abuse playing his 5 selection of mp3 and play it whole day long again and again and again.

Scene 7: As fake team leader, I must admit that his communication skill is very bad and always somehow end up backstabbing all of us in front of the boss and he only say nice thing about us only when we leave the company.

Scene 8: As fake team leader, he always criticizes his own team and de-motivates everyone. If the team is de-motivated, then his solution is to ignore them because to him, this is their personal problem and if the projects fail, everyone except him would be blame.

Scene 9, 10, 11, 12... I'm getting tired writing this stuff and there a lot more.

Anyway, if he wanted to be a team leader, at least act like one, not some over grown size kid that want all the power to him-self. I don't know, but it always occurs to me that every team will have their conflict and problems. Working as a team, we all should be working together toward a certain goals. How should I put it..."together we rise and together we will fall". For me, as a team leader is to understand own team member, knowing what trouble them and help them in a way beneficial to the team and themselves. As team leader, one should identify ones strength and weakness and how they would contribute to the project and foremost, having a good communication is always a good thing to implement. Speaking of communication, a team leader should able to motivate their team and also having good communication skill with others to have easy flow of information. I don't know, probably I've been too naïve again but being a good team leader is not easy, it come with a great responsibility and the ability to change certain aspect in a team for the good of everyone in the team. However, for some people, they just can't get over himself and post certain checklist that what make the rules of being a leader... This is just plain stupid...

As promise, here is something I got comment from my very own SIFU (master) who commented back at his blog

How good a leader are you?
Sifu says: What? Leadership? You sure you have any?

Do your staff feel part of the team?
Sifu says: First of all, this does not apply as you don't have any staff. Secondly, there is a team but don't think you are part of it

Do you communicate well?
Sifu says: Only if you want to let others know your points and do what you want (that?s your opinion of course). In case you don't know, communication is two-way - so you have been talking to yourself all this while.

Expect new staff to find out what is wanted for themselves and make their own introductions to your team.
Sifu says: True. Also a reason for you to be such an asshole and let colleagues fumble in the dark. No doubt you do practice this a lot like doing whatever you want with the client disregarding their opinions cause you as a newcomer to them so you need "to find out what is wanted for yourself" right?

Expect them to know what you want without having to be told.
Sifu says: Again it does not apply as you don't have any staff. But again, that did not stop you from forcing others to do things your way...

When they don't do what you want, it's best to appraise them in public.
Sifu says: Yup, you sure do that and you go one step further by doing the same with the bosses. But of course, when others do as you say and it is something that is wrong ... you just keep quiet about it and of course like any other power hungry chicken shit asshole, you push the blame away ...

Make sure you get all the credit for your team's work.
Sifu says: That is for sure! Not only team credits, you take away individual credits as well?

Treat them like mushrooms? Keep them in the dark and feed them 'manure'.
Sifu says: You are spot on here. You did it with flying colors. You feed them manure each and every time you open your mouth as only crap comes out of it ...

Ignore them when they do things right. After all, that's what they are paid for.
Sifu says: ... and quickly let the boss know you did all the work and get all the credit ...

Keep reminding them of things they got wrong
Sifu says: ... what you mean? Nobody else apart from you is ever right ...

Make sure you assert your authority at meetings with long monologues.
Sifu says: hahah. Nobody understands you in any meeting. with the client you only confuse them, with colleagues you just keep on talking crap until the cows come home ... btw, that?s not a meeting ... its just you running your mouth ...

Take the trouble to choose appropriate times for their appraisal reviews? Preferably the day before their vacation. Never give them more than an hour's notice.
Sifu says: Again, it does not apply. but you did a good job in making sure that you are worth appraising and makes others look as bad as possible ...

Encourage autonomy, preach empowerment, but actually micromanage
Sifu says: Please, you don't have the slightest idea what these are. You can never encourage but discourage. You just preach but never practice. Let us not get into managing again ok ...

Hahaha.. this is the stupidest blog I ever written... hahahaha but it was fun though... felt kind of relief after writting this.

Weird Picture... Taken at Night!!!

2005-06-06T21:53:00.000+08:00

It was nearly 8:00 pm and I was waiting for my Char Pan Mee (cooked in Hokkien style and hookienlicious) at one stall in OUG. While waiting, I couldn't resist taking some snap-shot of the place and what surprise me most is that, it was pretty dark that time, but my picture came out looking like daylight. If you don't believe me, look closely at the stall, the light is on and who "on" during daylight? Well, I think I didn't make my point here but back to x-file, I didn't even use flash light or anything either. WEIRD! Ok where did I go wrong? CLUELESS!

Another 3 week to go....

2005-06-04T21:55:00.000+08:00

Have to wait for another 3 week till the day I leave my company. It felt like the time have stop on me and leaving this company seems forever. Yawn... felt kinda bored and my ass is getting bigger cos sitting around too much worrying what will I'll be miss when I leave. However, I definately do know that by not having me there, thing will never be the same again in the office. But this mean, goodbye breakfast, goodbye smoking session, goodbye MK, goodbye... this is pethetic...

Disappearing from the Picture!

2005-05-30T21:57:00.000+08:00

What is these feeling I had right now? It is Monday morning and I'm sitting at my office desk and instead I should be working, I was drawn to the picture beside me. The picture was taken one year ago, when ten of us start joined this company. Every time when I look at that picture, it always remind me how young we all were and how each of us have change till this very day. One of us has left the company few months ago, one will be leaving this week, one will be leaving next week and the following will be me. As I look at the picture right now, although ten of us are in there, but it seems that one by one is slowly disappearing from the picture and in the end, there will be no one left but just a plain white picture.

As I remember back of my primary, high school, college class picture, it didn't really matter much and it is just a silly picture which I wish or was glad that these period of time was over and I didn't need the picture to remind me how pathetic I was back then. However, why now or why this picture... seriously speaking, I didn't have the heart to leave this company mainly because I didn't want to leave my colleagues. I didn't know whether I will be able to find the same colleagues again in the next company. Anyhow, looking at the picture right now, I will definitely miss most of the colleagues here (not all, got one muthafucker which I wish to forget though..hehehe). Come to think of it, before I leave this company, I think I plan to re-take the picture of ten of us again for all time sake.

My Camera and Myself

2005-05-28T21:57:00.000+08:00

Been a while since I sweep off my camera and start shooting here and there. As usual, I hang out either in book store or StarBuck and read some books and lead a very boring life but at least better than doing nothing. Picture on the left is my friend concentrating reading a dietry book. Can't be bother by it but was happy with the snapshot i took though...

What is MuThAFuCkeRfUckShIT situation?

2005-05-24T22:00:00.000+08:00

MuThAFuCkeRfUckShIT situation happen only when u...

Scene 1:
When you roll here and there in the middle of night and couldn't get any sleep and then end up like a freaking panda bear in the office. Then you don't have enough energy or the mood to do your work and with this one time mistake, you've been accuse being not productive the entire time you work in the company. To make matter worst, people think you got period or "MERAJUK" and all the F***ING problem is that you don't have enough sleep (that all) but somehow people so clever assuming other stuff.

Scene 2:
Having to drive a car for over a year and still don't know how to open the car bonnet and have to depend on a 40 years old aunty to help open it for you (that is just plain stupid and damn embarassing). Having to drive a car for over a year and still mistaken the air-conditioner is spoiled and take all the trouble taking it to the car workshop when the problem is that, the "A/C" button is not on.

Scene 3: (for those who know THEOCHEW only)
Cho kang, ching bo song, kui jit ho lang chap, kui jit ho lang kong bo coli. Limpek beh tahan pun chin tulan, buih tong liau ma tim puih lo. Tim puih liau pun ching kang koh. Ai tang noh leh guik ka wu tang chau. Itu pun mana wu lang ai chia lu cho kang. Tueh suih si, kong si kong limpek bo coli, tapi si pun mai ho limpek chau, ku ai extend limpek. Ka beh kua nia. Limpek ka wong mak kong, chi leh kongsi beh eong, ku kong limpek bo coli. Wong mak tiah liau ching tulan, wong mak kong "kaka kong wa eh kia bo coli, wa chi wa eh kia pui pui kaka kong bo coli, wa sue kau ee eh ka cheng sai lau chu lai". Limpek eh mak ching geng. Ku wu chi le mi kia ching ho chio, hu kian tua liap tau kong hu kian pukima kong limpek ching pun su, ching ho liau, tapi limpek hamik sai pun bo tan. Chi leh lang ah, limpek ya cha pak pun ai tim hu kai cha hui tam pok. Oh... ku mai kong, kaka lua limpek liak pak kian peng iu chau, kah beh kua nia... ee lang tak tiok sai kong limpek kanasai. Chi kai pukima... mm si lang pun mm si kui... sio chi le problem pun ching tau tia. Chi le MuThAFuCkeRfUckShIT hai limpek kuijit bo sim cho kang. Limpek tim puih ma tim liau lo. Ang chua ku ai cho limpek... limpek an chua io ma si chi leh small potato nia. Haiii...

Ps: Chris... good luck finding a translator for this...HAHAHAHA

Scene 4:
When you thought that you going to have a peaceful relaxing weekend and come back only to realize that your streamyx is down and couldn't online for 2 days which in the end you found out that it is not your streamyx problem but your network problem and take another 2 day to fix it. Once you finish solving it, thunder came out from nowhere and cause the house electric-jump which causes your switch and also your network card to go Ka-BOOM too and then have to spend 80 buck to buy a new hardware and fix it again.

Yeah, I happened to have plenty of MuThAFuCkeRfUckShIT situations which I find it ironic because all of these MuThAFuCkeRfUckShIT situations so happened to strike all at once on last week.

Border - Malysia Biggest Bookstore and the Biggest Dissapointment

2005-04-24T22:01:00.000+08:00

In life, it is all about competition... Who is better, bigger, tallest, bla bla bla? And now, "Border" makes it ways to Malaysia as the biggest book store ever. Since I was all-time-favorites of Kinokuniya, I though I might as well check out this place and sadly to say, my first step in "Border" was a total disappointment. I heard from a friend that "Border" is some sort of real-life connection with Amazon.com but the first impression I got from "Border" was walking into a POPULAR book store instead. The interior and design of the entire store is worst than I thought (even MPH is far better than this). It felt like buying a Polo t-shirt from a Reject Shop.

Anyway, "Border" consists of two floors which surprisingly, I think that half of the books in both floors are the same and to make matter worst, all of books/sections are not properly organize (it is like a maze inside and there are some worker in there actually stand there waiting for your enquiry and personally directed you to the book section... Seriously, hired a good interior designer and for goodness sake... put a sign). Speaking of the books, I was shock to death that every books in that store is not wrap up properly and sadly to say that most book are being abuse by customer. I was a big fan of comic and usually I will be caught dead holding a properly wrap up comic in Kinokuniya which cost 50 above plus me drooling there wondering what is the content will be. However, in "Border" comic's section, I was surprise that most comic are not even wrap up and worst of all, because of customer abuses, I found many comic are either torn or badly bended.

Seriously, many people would spend their time there sitting comfortably and read the entire book without people bitching to them and this customer will not even cross their mind to buy the book also. I know that many people read book freely in Kinokuniya and I am not trying to be bias but seeing the horror and the pain of every comics in "Border" is really killing me. Not to mention, people can also take the book and go Starbuck and sit there reading it without paying for the book. I couldn't help but wonder, is "Border" the new library with no membership needed? But then again, to those who spend their time freely in "Border" as a customer, please... it is good that you can read the book freely, but please take care of the book. My god, you should have seen my face when I discover the very limited edition of Marvel's Legacy Virus comic book is torn at its cover. This is too much... STOP THIS MADNESS!!!

Why can't we have it all...or can we?

2005-04-14T22:10:00.000+08:00

Recently, I thought about choices, and it got me thinking...Since birth, modern generations have been told that we can do or be anything we want. Being a successful businessman, own a house, or just about anything that live up to our so-called expectation and apparently, it would seem that the choices have been endless until we loose track of everything that we ever wanted. However, is it possible that we have gotten so spoil by choices until we are unable to make one? That a part of us know that once we choose one thing, one job, one offer, one great opportunity, another option go away. Are we the type of generation that can't choose just one and leave all the frustration behind? Or I was wrong from the beginning that we simply can't have it all.

My very own motivation for Freash Graduates out there...

2005-04-07T22:11:00.000+08:00

Was driving to work and the radio was talking about some issue about fresh graduate being unemployed and also what an employer is looking for. I wanted to called in the radio and share my some sort of point of view of being a fresh graduate but I guess I'm too lazy to do it. Anyway, I'm sure that many fresh graduates out there is having problem in getting a nice and decent job and seriously, being picky...well, that is one thing everyone is doing right now (so don't worry). People might say that generation right now are picking their job but lets face it, the senior is doing so right now and who are anyone to judge anyone actually.

However, being a fresh graduate, I must say that you guys must venture this working world with everything you got and be brave to try just about anything. Find the one thing that interested you and go all the way. Went you have the opportunity to get an interview, try to be confident, be friendly and give the interviewer the feeling of your willingness to work. For those IT students, I know that most of us are scare that whenever we go for an interview in any software house, we tend to get a test and again, if you didn't know the answer, just answer the question and make sure you complete it whether or not the answer is right or wrong. I'm telling this is because in my past experience, most company say I that I answer 90% wrongly in their test (that time I think I'm screw up big time) but because of my willingness to answer everything, they are willing to give me the 2nd interview and by then, I fully used my people skill to make them like me.

Getting a degree or a diploma is actually nothing but just a passport to get you an interview (but that doesn't mean you should fail your qualification). Heck, I even fail my degree and still I manage to get plenty of opportunity out there compare to all the pass-with-flying-color degree students and this is because I dare to go out there and prove that I'm worth it. I'm not trying to be boastful or anything but what I am trying to say that, with any qualification, there are ways to get an interview and if you got it, make sure you are 100% confident enough in the interview session. Another problem with fresh graduate getting unemployed is because of their lack of communication skill. I know many of my friends who wouldn't talk in the interview because they think their English suck like hell. Well, screw them, like I say before, be brave and confident and talk even though you suck at it. It is the willingness the company is looking for. My English is bad too and the funny thing is, some interviewer happen to be considerate enough to speak mandarin to me when I walk in the room but sadly, I dunnu how to speak mandarin and so I stick to my so called rojak English (but try not to be so rojak).

Anyway, I do really hope many fresh graduates got what they wanted and end ups doing the thing they like and don't let any low self-esteem get into your way. Just think that you are as good as anyone else. We ain't let nobody getting in our way and this is our own future we are talking about and hell with anybody who think otherwise. Remember, just be confident, be brave and be willingness. Oh yeah...SPEAK UP...for goodness sake...let the whole world know you are coming and ready to rock on...peace y'all

a Bag of Salad!!!

2005-03-27T22:12:00.000+08:00

The other day, I was in the middle of watching "Gilmore girls" and I couldn't help noticing the thing they eat. I frequently saw the Gilmore keep taking out this bag of plain vegetables out from the fridge, open up and just plain eating it (Weird!!!). Not only that, some of the movie I saw, I often notice how westerner go to restaurant and order a plate salad fill with slices of tomatoes, carrots and a few piece of vegetables and that it. I was even surprise when they do all the Yummy act while I was in the middle of my "char kuew teow" (wish I could show them my YUMMY FACE instead). I'm often curios how they could just eat it raw without anything else on it, not even with any dressing. In each every scene or that in that particular moment in the movie, I often think that probably the movie budgets were too high until they have no money left but to stick with just plain tomatoes.

Anyway, I was planning to go on a diet for this couple of month to shed off some weight and while slowly crawling in the food section while pity myself, I notice this salad section and was surprise to find lots of salad packaging on the shelf. A box fills with baby tomatoes and some green/black vegetables (exactly what I saw in TV) and cost around 4 buck above and was shock to death. Seriously, being a shopping person, I didn't even notice such a shelf ever existed. I though that salad or vegetables are lay out like what they did in "pasar" but this is just so weird. My jaw actually drop dead to the ground while my eye just staring at that shelf waiting to pop out. Anyway, I still think that the price is a little bit too expensive for just a bunch of vegetables and I couldn't believe I ever browse to that section. Anyway, I don't own a fridge, so I probably can't buy it anyway. This is such a bummer; have to drag my sorry ass back to the gym again. Why do some people get so lucky, eat as much as they can and still maintain their shape. This is soo shitty!!!

How desperate can you be?

2005-03-21T22:13:00.000+08:00

This particular weekend was totally a disappointment, I was thinking of crashing to either one of the big event such as the prodigy, or the F1 something at dragon bar, force of nature or even red generate but I end up doing noting instead. However, during the weekend, my friend introduce this so called web-chatting called MIRC to me and since I got nothing to do, might as well try for fun since I never play kind of stuff before. Idiotically, my friend led me to this chat room full of crazy people lusting for sex. I still couldn't believe it how desperate one can be. I thought for this kind of chat would end up something we call as cyber-sex which I am not that keen to but during the chat, I notice that many Malaysian people are so wildly open and desperately enough to meet up instantly and have nothing but sex.

Seriously, I mean, meet up with a total stranger and not to mention, "Female" and have this sort of thing. Probably I'm way pass my time and living 20 years in kampong, I could never indulge myself to do this kind of stuff and here I thought that meeting a total stranger in bar was bad enough, this cyber chat was way too much. Anyway, my idiotic friend go and type my hp number for this crazy people while I was gone for like 2 minutes and end up my hp couldn't stop ringing whole night. Mostly girls called up and wanted to meet up right away and not to mention how desperate their voices are. Some even start seducing on the phone and make all those horny voice which I find it very funny and somehow turn on but I end up scolding them for not having any sense of morality.

If I recall correctly, there were 3 guys calling me up and wanted to meet up for sex (bunch of gays...weirdoes) and I get even frustrated and start scolding them like mad people. The thing is with this cyber chat, we never know who one the other side is and that show how dangerously enough this kind of thing will do to other. Anyway, I played for like 15 minute plus tons of phone calls and that it, I had enough and I couldn't understand why my friend were so hook up with this sort of thing. Probably he is too the desperate type of people...weird asshole.

Work in a company is no fairy tales...

2005-03-18T22:13:00.000+08:00

When it comes to work, everything falls to your very own performance. How would you dress the part, your attitude toward clients or even colleagues, and most importantly, your professional work that lead to other people perception on your work. However, it got me thinking about working attitude, no matter how hard one try, it would seem sadly for me to say that the company wouldn't notice you at all. As long as you bring money to them, you will maintain your stability in a company. During the last past years, statistically study show that in IT business, it is very hard for fresh graduate to get a decent job. At first, fresh graduate were blame because of their lack of experience and definitely their choosiness to get a better job. This however, become a whole big deal although I find it rather bias because let face it, the company itself are choosy too whether if they hire or even stingy attitude when it comes to their own employees.

I find most of the time that employees have been working their ass off and still in the end got nothing in return. It felt even worst if your friends tell you their fairy tales of how they got their bonus, increment or even promotion and live happily ever after. I couldn't help but wonder, whether is there really a happy ending working in a company or was it a false believes to motivate us to believe that one day we would have our very own fairy tales. Since the emerge of technology, there seems to be a lot of opportunity out there for others employee to simply jump from one job to another job but it got me thinking, why wouldn't one simply stop this nomad way of working once and for all. People are all about physiological needs. They want stability, motivation, challenge and most importantly a financial support to provide their daily basic need to them or to their love one. How hard is it for a company to provide such a thing when a company can earn million dollar of projects and still be stingy when it comes to their employees?

I have a talk with my supervisor the other day and basically try to find out what would his opinion be when it come to matter like this. He told me that in a company, even if the performances of each employee are equally high, not all would get promoted or increment because some would have to scarify to be the lower standard people to handle certain jobs. So, I didn't know whether it applies to other company as well but if this were the case, this would mean that it all depend on the luck and the connection we had with the upper management in order to get a promotion. If performance is equally high, wouldn't this mean at the very least, the other who didn't get any promotion would at least have an increment? Anyway, probably I am being too naïve to believe that a company would ever see the goodwill in each of their employee.

Criticism!!!

2005-03-13T22:14:00.000+08:00

Speaking of wanting to change and be spontaneous, it is something which I think I could never ever get to do easily. For one point, many people say I critic too much and never for once think the positive side of that particular something. Well, that is true and so I quit until yesterday night, I met a bunch of people who accidentally have the same concept of criticizing as me which btw steam up my biological being which lead me back to non-stop criticizing all over again. It is like wanting to go on diet and suddenly a big pile of delicious food appears in front of you. However, it got me thinking about criticism, when one treated you badly, could I indulge myself to treat them bad as many as I could or in this case criticize them as badly as possible.

Seriously, lately, I been having called from my ex-college mates which for once I knew they hated me and never called in a million year and yet suddenly, out of nowhere, they called me up and acted like we were best friends. Anyway, some called to ask me whether we would like to have some gathering and do some catching up but the funny thing is, they wanted to meet in karaoke. I didn't know they want to catch up in singing or talking. Some even wanted to meet up at some mamak stall just because I think they wanted to sell insurance to me or probably wanted to see how bad my career have gone. Some even called me up and ask me to join them to go holiday's trip to Melaka which I think (mostly right) that one of their so-called pathetic member have left them due to some excuses and they all are desperately in need for another person to covered up their expenses charge which is me.

So as pathetic as my life can be, where is the positive side in all of that? Even if I can change and compromise with them, I knew that for once that I would be the dumb guy who end up following them and had another worst experience and pity my friends which I think they have to compromise listening to me complaining for hours. Well, although criticism is a bad thing and there are such thing as karma, so I guess I better off with less criticism but at least once in a while a little criticism could enlighten and somehow make us happy at some point.

In the mood for Change!!!

2005-03-10T22:14:00.000+08:00

Recently I have come to a stage where I think I want some changes in my life. Probably hit some pub or disco during the weekend or probably hang out more rather than stay at home in my room. Not only that, in term of career, I felt somehow I need some changes too. Previously, I know nothing about programming and the feeling of getting some algorithm working was kind of a big achievement to me and I felt happy. I found it very funny on how small something can really motivate someone. Lately, I have the urge to do something else that probably won't have to involve any programming at all. I was thinking of advertising instead.

Sometime, when I drive trough a big billboard or a good TV commercial, I always wonder why I couldn't do that or even think I could do better than that. Sometimes I wonder, having one day, passing trough a big billboard advertisement design by myself, I probably will feel happier than solving a programming problems. However, having the heart for great design, I still lack of experiences and proper mindset to perform some pieces. I find it very hard to incorporate other people ideas or company look and feel because everyone have a very different concept of what look nice to them.

I define my art at my own term and I like to draw it according to my mood because this is how I feel and art should be sincere and it should represent the painter feeling. Even a great painter, for example Picasso can draw garbage and still call it art and probably worth a million dollar. Anyway, who am I to judge? In my current stage, I still have no idea what I want but what can I say, wanting to have something mean this is a risk I think that everyone will have to take. At least if it will make us happy...

Working Life - Part 1: Life without cubicle...

2005-03-05T22:15:00.000+08:00

Sometime, I keep wonder what it would be like working in a cubicle. This would probably mean I have all the privacy I wanted and the entire empty wall beside me to stick all kind of silly photos and postcard. Working as I am now, I always face my colleagues (I didn't mean it in a bad way) and luckily all us of are crazy enough to do all sort of silly things and definitely in times when pressure arise, it felt like there is somebody being there beside you. Of course, in term of anything we do are out open for everybody to see. Sometimes, I pity those who stuck in a cubicle and if it was for me, I would probably feel isolated from the other team and this would be the end of gossiping with colleagues. Anyway, speaking of gossiping, I think that everyone is thinking that I am the "Gossip King" but seriously, I always end up knowing too many stuff which I personally didn't want to be any part of it. Sometimes, there are secret being told and little did I knew it; I have like tons of secret in my head wanting to explode. Not that I want to gossip, but usually I like to talk to people and care for certain people...but does that equal to gossiping. This is frustrating... but I can't be bother by it.

Lately, I've being experiment with lots of designing and flash (not part of work but just do it for fun) cos I was bored to death doing nothing during my free time and it been so long that I ever do any flash animation. Anyway, being trying to do the flash loading (fail!) and more user interactive (again fail) flash but sadly, I don't know any flash script. Currently, my mind has been occupied by java, strut and hibernate so I can't be bother by any other language now. Anyway, enjoy my flash animation...I know...it suck...HAHAHAH...but it was fun though...

Rude Bird!!!

2005-03-01T12:51:00.000+08:00

HAHAHAHA..this is soo FUN….

Tomatozilla...

2005-02-27T12:49:00.000+08:00

Living in a city area, I never for once expected fresh air, thanks to all the pollution but I guess that the price I have to pay for wanting to live in a fast pace environment. However, in the recent weather, it seem like we are living in a sauna room plus lots of unwanted haze and it somehow badly affected my originally “kampung“ being. Meaning, the hot weather which indirectly torch the Malaysian forest, which produces lots of haze, which adds up with the air pollution in KL, which equal to the red spot on my ultra-sensitive skin. So, not wanting to walk around looking like a big tomato, I decided to purchase some facial product to help reduce the itchiness and also red spot on my face. I end up at KLCC‘s I-Setan cosmetic department and start looking for any product that will suit my sensitive skin but I end up noticing many pretty cosmetic sales girls instead. Thanks to my male-biological craze for pretty girls, idiotically of me, I end up purchasing RM400 facial product from Shiseido counter (This is BAD…really bad…shouldn‘t have let the sales girl hypnotize me). Not only the weather is turning me into giant walking tomato, my very own Streamyx is down too. I didn‘t know what happen with Telekom, but with the no-access-to-internet have left me with “boringness” during the past weekend. I probably think that fate itself is playing with me. Knowing that my face fill with red spots, fate purposely make my internet access down so that I have nothing to do in the weekend and make me go out scaring the world with my face. This is so pathetic…I am Tomatozilla!!!

Hallway...

2005-02-23T12:48:00.000+08:00

Feeling kinda bored right now. Although I spend most of my day pretty much to myself, but still I wish I am out with someone. Feeling very pethetic especially during special occasion. For example, today…Chap Goh Meh and I end up bungkus some rice back to my place and eat it while watching “Desperate Housewife” (I know…this is too pethetic to be true..but it is). Not to mention, today I wasted half of the day trying to solve a algorithm problem I wrote in my module and end up with nothing. By the time everyone was about to leave the company, then only the solution hit me in the head and it took me 5 minutes to solve the stupid problem (Why can‘t i think of it before). Anyway, no motivation to work, can‘t be bother with anything and life now is so damn boring…

HOt! hOt! HOT!

2005-02-21T12:47:00.000+08:00

Feeling so hot right now…wish I could just climb up that damn coconut tree and get myself some fresh coconut. Weather like this, I wish I was in my suffer pants and sun-tanning at the beach right now plus zillion of fresh coconut water. Instead, I‘m stuck sweating in my G2000 summer collection working cloths and worst of all, WORK. MY GOD…what happen, why suddenly everywhere feel so hot. I can actually fry an egg on the street itself. Not to mention, the office‘s air-cond is not working since last year and nobody care to fix it. FUCKER…even the air-cond have more holiday leave than me. SO DAMN HOT. It is making me dizzy and I can feel my skin cracking. Time like this, I really wish I had a refrigerator at home so I can stuck my head in it. GOoDNeSs…somebody pass me some ices…I‘m melting.

Being on the roof top...

2005-02-19T12:46:00.000+08:00

Whenever depress hit on me,
I would run to the roof top,
standing high above,
and escape from the world below,
Night wind blow trough my heart,
Star in the sky keeps me company,
Being on the roof top,
I never felt so free,
Yet I felt so lonely,
Sometime I wonder, if jump down,
Will I hit the ground or enter the gate of hell?
Being on the roof top,
Will heaven ever see my sorrow clearly?
Being on the roof top,
Will you take me away from the world below…

Pineapple Tart Anyone???

2005-02-17T12:45:00.000+08:00

Chinese New Year Feast

2005-02-16T12:44:00.000+08:00

The one thing I‘m am definitely sure about Chinese New Year is that “dieting” is definitely out of the question. During this festive season, foods seems to be everywhere and from where I stand, the amount of food I ate so far can actually feed a herd of cows for probably 2 years. Anyway, every Chinese New Year, me and my mum would either prepare abalone dishes or shark fins soups. We would usually take this moment of opportunity to prepare either that 2 dishes with many different styles. This year, we have to prepare shark fin soup (pic-left) and this time, we go for something original and added some fresh bean sprout and slices of hams on top of the soup (may I say, it taste heavenly).

This year, yet again, I didn‘t get to “Lou Sang“ (pic-right) with my own family and yet again, thankfully, at the very least, my close colleagues celebrated it with me this afternoon. It was nothing actually but at least now I can tell other people that I have actually “Lou Sang”. In the evening however, I got my very first time experience gambling during Chinese New Years together with my 3 very close colleagues. It was very enjoyable and I did win a little bit of money…hehehe

2005-02-15T12:43:00.000+08:00

I was on my way back to my home and saw this beautiful flower with green seed hanging on it. I thought it was pretty and it suddenly got me thinking about a song sang by the late Anita Mui called “Nu Ren Hua” meaning Flower Girl (I think…my Chinese is bad, so forgive me if it mean other thing). Anyway, I remember listening to this song back then and somehow come out with a pathetic sad love story movie. Well it goes something like this.

My version of this particular movie is film in the olden Shanghai, China and everything is in black and white except for the main actress?s cheongsam (which is in red).

When the music started, the story goes…

It was late at night in Shanghai‘s town, and under the lonely moon, there was this young man (Mr. A) sitting at his trishaw. When suddenly, a man (Mr. B) approach Mr. A and asked him to take Mr. B and his lady (the red cheongsam girl) companion to a famous night club in Shanghai. As Mr. A come out from his trishaw, he saw the cheongsam lady and instantly recognizes her. The cheongsam lady was his past lover which got separated from war 10 years ago. Of course the cheongsam lady didn‘t recognize him that moment and Mr. A was too afraid to approach her. So Mr. A carried both Mr. B and the cheongsam lady in his trishaw to the night club.

Once they reach the destination, Mr. A quickly hide his trishaw at the black alley of the night club and try to sneak in the club and that is when he saw the cheongsam lady singing on the stage (that when the chorus part started and the cheongsam lady sing it). After the show, Mr. A again sneaks into the dressing room and then confronts the cheongsam lady. Surprisingly, the cheongsam lady still kept her feeling for Mr. A all this year and she shed some tears of joy because she finally found Mr. A. Of course, both lovers knew the risk they take because the cheongsam lady‘s current lover (Mr. B) is the head of a famous Shanghai mob.

However, both Mr. A and the cheongsam lady secretly meet up a couple of times but on one unfaithful night, Mr. B caught them. It was then; Mr. B‘s henchmen separated both the lover and drag Mr. A to a dark alley and start beating him up. The cheongsam lady was crying and begs for mercies from Mr. B, Mr. B ignore her and then take out his gun and prepare to shoot Mr. A. As, Mr. B shoot, the cheongsam lady rush in front of Mr. A and she got shoot. That time, everything when slow motion, the cheongsam lady slowly fall and memory started to flash back the day she first met Mr. A. Finally when the song almost finish, Mr. A grab the cheongsam lady and start crying because this time, the cheongsam lady was gone forever.

End of music.

I know…I sound pathetic and crazy…HAHAHA…and lots of wrong spelling and grammatically incorrect everywhere. Anyway, back to the picture I took. My hand was a bit shaky, that why the flower seems blur… anyway, hopefully in future I will get to take some great picture and share it in my blog and dun worry, no more crazy story.

Back to Office Again

2005-02-14T12:42:00.000+08:00

My goodness, it‘s been so long since I really had a long holidays and not to mention the most tiring one. The first few days of the holiday was tolerable at first because I got used to getting up quite early and it help to help around the house. During my years of experience working around the house, I know for once the suffering of every housewife and it is not easy to do all that stuff. Just simply cleaning, scrubbing, cooking and etc is one tiring job but at the end of the day, I find that the sleep I had felt more comfortable than my working period in office. During working time, I always had stress over some problem which is unsolvable and it bothers me when I sleep too, so it is no wonder why many working men suffer from sleep distortion and bad mood. Then it got me wonder, for housewife, they got physically torture 24/7 where else working men suffer 24/7 mentally stress (No wonder men die faster than women because women basically exercise everyday…hehehe). Anyway, my holiday is over and now I‘m back at my desk and after the holiday, I think I have to re-adjust my body timer to wake up early again (thank to the holiday and sleep late and wake up late). Dammit, now I feel so sleepy…Somebody Slap ME!!!

High School Reunion

2005-02-12T12:42:00.000+08:00

During Chinese New Year, many of my high school friends would usually meet up at this time of year and have a little of what we all usually called a gathering party. It‘s been more than five years since I left my high school and had never been to any of the gathering party in any of those years (because I was never invited and I wasn‘t popular back then). Anyway, this particular year, I was surprise to get my very first invitation although I wasn‘t sure I wanted to go or more importantly why now?

However, the party was going to ended soon and then only I got my first invitation from them (this is so pethetic). During that party, I notice that most of my so-called friends didn‘t change at all (include their so-called fashion style). The party start turning into nightmare when, most of them started to gather in a circular form and then start to introduce themselves like a bunch of pathetic problematic people in a small counseling group. We have to start of with our name (DU-UH) and then follow up with what we are doing now. Imagine this, everyone is in their mid-twenties and we sit around like a bunch of kindergarten kids saying “My Name is…” No wonder Emenim first single got no.1 hits back then in US Billboard.

I couldn‘t help but wonder, being in a high school reunion party, is there such an excuse for us mid-twenties adult to act like a bunch of teenager again. Then again, why introduce ourselves when most of us know everyone at that party. The hilarious part was, most of them are anxious to start first and give all the unnecessary sign to let them began (bunch of weirdoes). Anyway, I was kind of disappointed with the gathering and pity them instead and pity myself for dragging my sorry ass to that party. What was I thinking?

Being Bully by own Relative

2005-02-07T12:41:00.000+08:00

There come a time when one must go back to his past and face it. For my case, that includes a tyre puncture at Rawang and a near death experience for being an initial D-wannabe at the highway. Anyway, the worst is yet to be expected. As I reach my home, as usual, both my parent still arguing over a small stuff and what can I say, “Home Sweet Home”. Then as expected, I have to start cleaning, cooking, baking, and decorating the house for this Chinese New Year. Everything was expected except one thing; meeting my own relative before Chinese New Year. Believe me when I say this, my relative are the nastiest people around and abusive too. I already compromise with my parent that I will only meet them once a year during the first day of Chinese New Year but thing got out of hand and I have to have dinner with them.

The thing I had with my own relative is that I was always the center of attention. They will start off with how fat I am, then I will die soon, and how stupid I am (this is not my interpretation; they say it out loud, in front of everybody). Anyway, when the food arrived at the table, I always have the habit of waiting for the elders to take first and then it will only be my turn. However, this time, my dad took first and then he pass it to my plate and I of course, reply thank you follow up with the criticism from my relative saying that I‘m a useless son for not taking food for my own father and waited him to take for me (EXCUSE MOI, as if I plan that…). Then one of my aunt, go over to my sis and tell her how useless I am, so please tell me, how pathetic that is. Anyway, the one thing I notice during the dinner was, every son and daughter of my father side family is wearing thing same shirts (courtesy of my BITCHY aunt), and then she continue saying how nice it is to see everyone wearing the cloths she bought and pity me because she didn‘t buy one for me because she say I was too fat for it. Anyway, since I couldn‘t take the insult anymore, I told my aunt that I pity everyone for wearing something from the night market (seriously fashion suicide) but I was happy enough that everyone is complimenting me for what I wear. The one thing that I can always amuse everyone in my family is to dress too well for each occasion and that night I wear a RM 300 over vintage cloths with Armani label hanging out purposely to show it off plus a big jade necklace to go with the dressing (I wouldn‘t care less with the RM 5 buy 3 free 1 shirt and seriously, I wouldn‘t caught dead wearing that shirt.).

Anyway, my aunt was angry for not able to fully 100% humiliate me in front of everyone, then she took out the next big thing, which is asking her husband (only can speak mandarin and Cantonese) to speak with me. Ancient time, I didn‘t know how to speak the language because I was from the Malay school (my bitchy aunt always say I‘m useless for not able to speak Chinese and also scolded my mum a few times), but thanks to some of my few friends and 2 years of practice, that night everyone was shock to hear me speak mandarin plus a few “Tiu“, “Mahai“, “Soh Hai“, “Hai Yeh” (courtesy of my colleagues) and everyone was speechless. Damn, I am so proud of myself. Anyway, my mum wasn‘t trill by my misbehaving toward my relatives but I just couldn‘t stand there and let them bullies me blindly. Relative is still relative. Respect is not something somebody expects from me to give just because somebody is older than me. They have to earn it, regardless the blood too. I stand by my word and I‘m not afraid of them.

I'm Not Worth it...

2005-02-03T12:41:00.000+08:00

I must admit that this past few days was devastated. I been head cracking research on this web service called Axis (which btw, is something people develop way past few years ago and I didn‘t know about it) and although I like to think this is a good opportunity to learn something new but truthfully speaking, it is way out of my league. However, how hard it is, I still need to finish it or else someone will definitely laugh at me. Not to say that it didn‘t motivate me to do better, but I find him and few other quite irritating. As if they wanted to see me die or fail in my module (probably because of what I wrote in my past previous blog…another disadvantage of posting a blog). Here I though that by telling them what I want, they turn out to be something I less expected.

Although in many times, they told me that they were joking about it, but the more they do it, the more I see that they truly mean it. They always say “There, BIG module…see how you going to die…you ask for it“. If I ask for help, they will reply “You ask for big module, you solve it”. Positively thinking, I get to be independent and learn from my mistake, negatively thinking, I think I‘m going to die soon and regret telling them anything. Another thing which de-motivates me was, there are no increment in my salary after all the hard works I have done for this company. To make matter worst, my promoted-colleagues think that I don‘t deserve a raise because I‘m not worth it and keep saying negative stuff to keep irritate me. When they have the same salary as me, the entire time, their non stop complaining about how low their salary is, I was there morally supporting them and now they got it and to hear them saying that I‘m not worth it after what I have done the entire time.

Yesterday, during my appraisal, I discover that even my own project manager didn‘t know what I have been trough for this project and didn‘t even know half of the thing I‘ve done for it. Even some of the senior was surprise to know that the amount of work I have done just within a year. So, most of it is not technical and I didn‘t claim that I was a technical expert, but I been hell for this project doing the entire multi-tasking job and thankfully enough, I was able to perform my tasks within the timeline given. Sadly enough, I dont‘t think any of them would understand what I and the rest had been trough. Anyway, Chinese New Year is coming, and thanks to the entire event these past few days, I didn‘t really have the mood to go trough my CNY but CNY suck anyway. I‘ll be leaving KL soon and I won‘t have broadband for one whole week and have to face all my useless idiotic relatives during this holiday. Hopefully this holiday pass as fast as possible, but still, I don‘t really have the mood to come back to work anymore. This is sad.

PS: Happy Chinese New Year Everyone…

Feeling Un-appreciated!!!

2005-01-27T12:40:00.000+08:00

There come a time, when I could wish that everything could stop for a moment for me to grasp that little moment in time to breathe in and let all my thoughts out. It seems like every where I look, people around me gets great review, promotion, appreciation or even bonus. However, when I look at myself, I didn‘t have any single thing but a bunch of working experiences which is not even qualify to even say out loud. Why do people work? Was it for the money, interest, knowledge or just because we want a better future? People keep telling me that getting all this so-called appreciation was unnecessary, and do what you do best, get what you want, be happy, plan for your future and a whole bunch more. But seriously, are reviews, appreciation, reward, or even promotion, is it that important?

To me, at some part, I hate to admit that I do really want all that. Who doesn‘t? So, there is part where knowledge is everything, but at certain level, I wanted to feel appreciated. My company promises a lot of thing but never once ever fulfill it and I somehow stupidly end up with load of expectation and end up with full of disappointment. I spend most of my time working in this company because I take pride in my work although it doesn‘t really interest me much. I have a thing doing a job and will perform my best to achieve the goals. Last year, my HR manager told me that the company couldn‘t justify my presence in this company and I remember this phrase until this very days and promise myself that I would do everything I can to prove I‘m worthy enough as my other colleagues.

Today, although technically speaking, I‘m still way behind from them, but I found myself in another road where I can prove that I can excel in other stuff and I did it and happy with the achievement I‘ve done. If this is what it takes for the company to justify my presence, so be it but it would seem that others had taken credits for the work I‘ve done. I have my own share of workload and it would seem fair that the company could at least give me something in return. At least so I will fert appreciated or motivated to perform my jobs. However, it got me thinking after hearing some advice from my colleagues and friends, why it is that I always seem to believe all the negative thing people say about me. Although there much evidence to prove on the contrary, how is that a review, non appreciation, works could cancel every single though I once though was true. I, when it comes to work, why do I always seem to fear about my worst review.

Web Service - Axis (HELP!)

2005-01-26T12:40:00.000+08:00

Finally, I‘m not depressing anymore. I don‘t have red spot on my face anymore because of some stupid allergy. Now, I could officially announce that I am PANIC right now. Why? First, some java architecture or framework needed to be done and I am part of the team and I don‘t have time to depress. Second, my team is going into strut, spring, hibernates and lots of other cookoos stuff which doesn‘t ring anything to me. Third, I need to do some research on this web service called “Axis“ which shamefully of me as a programmer never ever heard of it (that includes web service). So yeah, I can start to panic now. When we‘ve been given a task to understand how strut, spring and hibernate works, I didn‘t understand any of it even though my colleagues explain it to me (hehehe). Then, I finally got a module up using S+S+H, which I find it very useful and easy to use although I didn‘t know what the hell I‘m doing. Then, I play around and still got my thing to work which is a good sign, but still have no ideas why it work. Apparently, simple html tag and some iteration and some collection provide what I want (together with strut). Imagine, 4 lines of code could show a table contain all the data I needed (cool).Anyway, still dunnu why it happen…have to understand and quickly wish for some miracles work to happen on my research on Axis by next week or else this so called Mr.God will laugh at me for complaining too much and apparently chop my head off. I think I have to prepare my “will“ right now. Who want my 17” Samsung LCD monitor and a collection of G2000 cloths (that the only item that is worth to me).

Sebum!

2005-01-23T12:39:00.000+08:00

It is just me, or is everywhere seems to be so damn hot. Yesterday I woke up feeling hot and sweaty and here I thought that I‘m having a fever. I walk toward the toilet and shock to see that my face have red spot everywhere. My face feel so dry, itchy, rough and when I touch it, the skin just break and it hurt so badly (luckily it didn‘t bleed). I didn‘t know what happened because I never had any problem with my face before and truthfully speaking I never had pimples before and never need to wash my face and yet, still I can maintain perfect skin (I‘m not showing off…haha…but it is true). Then I though to myself, had my hormone finally kick in because I sometime think that I am retarded and couldn‘t get mature at all. I find it weird because everyone I know suffers from pimples during their teenage age and I on the other hand have nothing to worry about. I didn‘t know my face is allergy to something or just rashes but how come only my face is infected. I can‘t stand it anymore, felt like want to scratch my face now. Whenever I feel hot, the thing come out and now working in office is so damn hot and it is not helping at all. Our office aircond doesn‘t seem to work and now my face is all red. My colleagues freak out when they saw my face (this is so shitty). I went online and make some research and find out something quite shitty interesting. I saw some sample picture which quite similar to mine and it is called “sebum” and it was cause because of sweat, humid and DEPRESS. This is so shitty; it is like I already have enough depression all over me and it have to affect my face too. This is really shitty and discrimination…fucks it. I felt like a walking tomatoes right now…

Older or Wiser?

2005-01-22T12:38:00.000+08:00

It is funny how thing turn out just because of some minor alteration in the timeline. We were like good friends for one day and then the next day, everything seems to fall apart just because of some promotion/appraisal. I hate to admit it but what is all the fuss about it? In that period of time, I didn‘t know what got over me but when I look back now, it somehow seems so foolish to act such a way. People say that money and friendship don‘t mix, but how come nobody ever warns me about promotion/power could somehow equally jeopardize a friendship as money.

Maybe I‘m been naive, but I prefer the time when we all start out fresh. I knew that thing would go differently in the end, but I didn‘t expect it to be sooner. Half year ago, it was rather sad because all of us are divided in to two team and somehow, we been label in such a way but we manage to look at ourselves as one whole team. Anyway, one month ago, instead being separated into two teams, all of us somehow divided into two sections; promoted and the one that is not promoted. The promoted people start to drown themselves with load of works, responsibility and load of showing off. Where else, the none-promoted drown themselves in lesser work, worry about their future and self pity. Somehow, I wish that with time itself, everyone will just get over it and still be friend or I‘m been too naïve again.

I on the other hand, am under the label of “non-promoted“ section, am worry about my own future instead. I‘ve been working for more than a year now and somehow, when I look back at the mirror, I look at the same person one year ago except I have shorter hair, get a little chubby and start smoking. If you stay working long enough, you suppose to get wiser about your work. What to do in certain circumstances? How to handle problems? Where to find the perfect opportunity? But what make any of us expert. What if, all those time workings only make us older, more confuse or dead? Are we getting wiser or just older? Hmm… speaking of older, I‘m under the “men in their mid-twenties” section, still single, a lousy career and worst of all; I didn‘t know what I want. I‘ve been thinking a lot recently and still it got me nowhere and I need to figure out before I went for my appraisal. The thing is, I didn‘t want to stick being a technical consultant slash equal office boy and I will point out in my appraisal. I‘ve been putting out my ass for this company and I want to focus on something which I could officially label it as my own career.

However, I am still blurring about my own future and scare that I will make the wrong decision. Why can‘t thing be simple? I really admire my colleagues that got promoted. They knew what they want from the start and now they got it. Dammit…DAMN myself for being useless. However, I never got the chance to congratulate them but I guess now is a good time to say it (I know you guys are reading this blog and I also want to congrats to the one who moved to 9th floor and leave me behind…hahaha and you own me lunch for losing that bet). I guess, now the time I stop questioning everyone including myself and start choosing my side of the road. Dammit, I have to stop writting about this drama-work of mine but then again, if no drama, I couldn‘t possibly think of anything else to write in this blog of mine. HOw sad…

Picture's worth a thousand words

2005-01-22T12:36:00.000+08:00

They say that a picture‘s worth a thousand words. Well, this is a picture of my current life which only consist of 55 words…

Multi-tasking is not the best policy in my future!

2005-01-20T12:35:00.000+08:00

Like any typical company, it is either the end or the beginning of the year where every employee in a company must go trough a stage which we all know as “Employee Appraisal“. One of my colleagues however, was having a bad appraisal and that is probably because of her “mind her own business” personality. The upper management was quite worried that she would end up nowhere or not able to evolve in this company if she was to continues with her current attitude. After her appraisal, one of the upper management apologies back to her if he was too hard on her and explain to her that he had to do this because he wanted her to aim for a better future.

I was there that time and after listening to what the upper management had told my colleague, it got me to thinking about my own future. When I first started in this company, I had nothing, no experience, and no knowledge of what-so-ever is going on. Surprisingly, within this one year, I learn many programming languages, technical skill, graphic designing, technical documentation, administrative work, handling change management, conducting presentation and a whole lots more. At first, I was happy to get the opportunity to expose to all this knowledge and I used to think that all of this skill would probably help me in near future. However, after working as a multi-tasking technical consultant for more than a year now, I begin to wonder, will it really help? Exposing to all this knowledge is one thing but truthfully speaking, I barely scratch the surface of anything I done. Being involve in too many thing, I barely had the time to go deep in one particular thing and most of the time, I didn‘t know where I would end up. First do programming, then drag to do technical documentation, later presentation, and then programming again.

Seriously, being a multi-tasking technical consultant, it sometime got me confuse what will I be in the future. Will I be a system analyst, graphic designer, technical writer, or technical team lead? What really upset me was, I didn‘t get the chance to involve in one particular area and major in that area. I didn‘t want to involve in everything and then later, the upper management will look at me and probably think that I‘m not worthy enough to lead a team, or getting a promotion and instead stuck being the “small potato“ which is good at multi-tasking his job. This is getting annoying because there are many times; everyone in my company will look at me like a dummy and if I did something new/challenging and successfully done it, they would probably go “OMIGAW…you did this, u really did it…where did you copy from…or did somebody else done it for you”. This is really de-motivating and insulting. Anyway, I‘m still waiting for my appraisal. Hopefully it went well…bugger!

Itchy crotch, shitty nose...

2005-01-17T12:35:00.000+08:00

Last night, I was having dinner at this mamak stall near my house. As I was waiting for my food to arrived, I wonder my eye around looking at people and I accidentally saw this mamak guy scratching his crotch IN PUBLIC. OMIGAW… what happen here, that is the most disgusting thing I‘ve ever seen. Not to mention, I noticed that not only one but majority mamak guys scratch their crotch (IN PUBLIC). Not to mention, now that it occur to me that some of my Indian colleagues also scratch their crotch. What with these people with their crotch. If you feel itchy, go to toilet, scratch and clean your hand (keep it to yourself…I think) and to think that this people serve me food. I didn‘t eat that night probably because I was scare I will find any pubic hair in my Maggie goreng (ok, I really need to vomit now).

For Chinese people, most of them have bad habit digging their nose. Never for once I fail to notice some guy cooking char keow teow and on the same time digging their own nose and continue cooking like nothing happen. This is irritating and disgusting but at least his finger wasn‘t any near his crotch. Eew… but at least it got off my mind from depression, but not the type I expected it to be. This people seriously have to learn some PDA (Public Display of Affection) and I‘m sure that Chapter 1 will cover, don‘t scratch your crotch and Chapter 2, don‘t dig your own shit.

Blur & Depress...

2005-01-16T12:34:00.000+08:00

Well, I think two days of cooling down my depression should be enough. Although I must admit that, in my previous post was kinda silly and childish of me to react such a way. However, I still hate the entire thing I wrote in the list but what can I say, it is me. Last Thursday, I got a called from my mum and she told me that she had a minor tumor in her body and that she needs a minor surgery to remove it. Actually, I‘m not sure whether it is a tumor, or a disease, cos she told me in mandarin which clearly I couldn‘t understand at all and my mum didn‘t know what it is called in English but having to go trough surgery was bad enough for me to know that this is bad. However, I was helpless and the least I can do for her was to comfort her a little but, instead I freak out. I totally go bla and I couldn‘t find the correct word to say to her and the worst part, I accidentally told her about my car accident 2 month ago. Which apparently shocked my mum and she scolds me back for not telling her. The fact was, I didn‘t plan to tell her because I didn‘t want to worry her or anything and I‘m sure that she is having a hard time telling me about her tumor which I react in the most stupidest way. After she scold me, it finally hit me that how important the word “honesty” in a family is and I shouldn‘t have keep the accident from her or anything else because I know that deep down, that she will always be there for me. I felt bad that not only did I not comfort her about her problem; I make her in the shocking stage (how utterly stupid of me).

The next day, I went to work with my gloomy face and at the seriously wrong timing, one of my colleagues ask me to help him photocopy some document for him and I lash out my rage on him. I know that I‘m not suppose to do that and I felt guilty over it but the thing is, he is conducting a technical meeting and I wanted so badly to be part of it but instead he excluded me out (probably because he never think I‘m worthy of it). Moreover, excluding me out was bad enough and he dare ask me to just photocopy document for him, plus the stupid incident happen with my mum, I totally go haywire on him. Seriously, I‘ve been working as a technical person all this while, he and the rest of the colleagues never for once treated me like their team but instead as their maid (calculate this, drive to lunch, admin work, documentation, etc). I didn‘t want appreciation/recognition nor did I want anything from them, what I really need from them is to trust me and know that I‘m worth it enough to be part of their team. Over the years, I have proven myself and my programming skill. I just don‘t see why it is hard for them to trust me.

Anyway, everything seems so blur to me and I seriously didn‘t know what to do next. I needed someone to talk to and I wanted to call my mum but still, I didn‘t think this is a good idea although I did mention earlier about family and honesty; I felt that I should keep this problem to myself. Within these two days, I‘ve been thinking a lot and on the same time, cooling myself from depression. I did call my mum and we had a long chat and I‘m glad she is fine now (plus, luckily I didn‘t say anything wrong to piss her off) but I didn‘t tell her about my problem. However, I still couldn‘t come out with anything for myself and what will make me happy…sad.

I want to kill myself...

2005-01-14T12:34:00.000+08:00

Lately, everything seem to be falling apart and it is making me sad and worst of all, all I want to do is take a knife and cut myself.

I hate my life.

I hate the feeling of loneliness every time I go back home.

I hate that my car is dirty.

I hate that I‘m broke now.

I hate my job (there I said it).

I hate my colleagues for making me sad.

I hate my colleagues for treating me like dirt.

I hate my colleagues force me to do something I hate.

I hate the feeling of guilt if I told my colleagues that they hurt me.

I hate my colleagues that always left me behind when I was always there for them.

I hate my colleagues for looking down on me.

I hate my colleagues for criticizing me when they ask me for a favor.

I hate my colleagues for being insensitive.

I hate myself for not being able to catch up to other.

I hate that I am stupid.

I hate myself for not able to pass my degree.

I hate myself for being fat person.

I hate myself for letting other so easily used me.

I hate when I heard that my mum is sick.

I hate when my mum scold me.

I hate when people never accept me for who I am.

I hate to live up to other expectation.

I hate being depressed all the time.

I hate the company management for putting me in pressure.

I hate when I have nothing to do.

I hate myself for not able to be independent.

I hate myself for being childish all the time.

I hate myself for being too sensitive over small stuff.

I hate myself for not able to be happy.

I hate that people didn‘t appreciate me for the things I done for them.

I hate everything…

Ok… now if I can find a knife…I‘m going to cut myself now and I‘m happy to hurt myself now. I need help.

Escape from the Dark...

2005-01-12T12:33:00.000+08:00

Once upon a time, there was this little boy who wrote “what will I be when I grow up?“ and then when he reach his puberty stage, he look up to his old man and thinking “That what I wanna be when I grow up“. When the little boy somehow turns into teenager and then enters into the circle of adulthood, he asks himself “FUCK…what the hell I want”. That once-upon-a-time-little-boy was me and still me and surprisingly, I end up nowhere near what I want. My father was a successful housing developer and 2 years ago, he offered me a position as a director in his company. I have an opportunity right in front of me, but instead, I choose my own road to become a programmer as I had now. I choose a job which I have no passion in it and even if I accept my father offered, I‘ll be lying to myself as I did to myself now.

One of my good friends told me that I choose this job is mainly because of what some of my close colleagues did. Working with this few close colleagues, it really inspire me to become one of them, to be one of their team and I wanted so badly to be part of what they do. I wish my friend was wrong and I though that all my hard work can maintain my position together with them but now, it finally hit me, my close colleagues get promoted to a higher position and I‘m stuck at a place where I begin. I hate to say this, but from where I stand the entire time, I was different from them. I was never a technical person and even with all my hard work, I will never catch up to where they are now. Not to mention, I have none what-so-ever similar interest with the rest of them, whenever there is an opportunity, they always get it together and excluded me out and mixing with them, I always have low self-esteem. They are like Batman, Robin, and Nightwing where they go out fighting crime and receive all the limelight where else I am Alfred, the butler that working for Batman in his mansion.

Surprisingly, I know what I am good at but it always occurs to me that this is not the type of job I want and I end up choosing the job that I hate. Anyway, since my company has this employee appraisal, 3 of my close colleagues got promoted out of 10 people, and somehow it seem to be a lot of tension around everybody. My 3 close colleagues who get promoted end up being too insensitive to the others people feeling and the rest who still remain in the dark, will still remain in the dark. Don‘t get me wrong, I think that 3 candidate deserve what they got because they earn it and being a friend to them, I am happy for them but still, although I might get too bias and I always support that 3 colleagues, there are other 7 colleagues which is my friends also and I don‘t want any of them get too tension, unsatisfied or too political over this matter. However, I do hope my company will give credit to the other 7 people including me for our hard work although I doubt that my company will (and I might assume too soon).

Anyway, I hope thing turn up well and I do hope that I realize what I want although this would mean separated from my 3 close colleagues. I think this is the time I make my move and gamble everything I had. I already helped my 3 best colleagues (whenever they needed me) to where there are now, and now I have to help and depend on myself to get out from the dark. Wish me luck…Imagine Alfred, the butler who work for Batman go out fight crimes, this is so funny.

Punishment for being a Fresh Graduate...

2005-01-09T12:32:00.000+08:00

Yet, another Monday and truthfully speaking, (for the first time)I‘m not in the mood to go back to work anymore. Last week was pretty rough on me during work and not to mention that the perspective I had on this company somehow drop 50%. It started on my HR manager where she keep bullies me and my colleagues by sending warning letter to us without any reason. At first, it was nothing, but after getting 4 warning letters, I was furious. I find it rather abusive and un-professional of her to act in such a way. So I get that she is the No.1 most hated person in the company, but do she have to go around and “cari gaduh” all the time. However, that is not the point, I mean, she can come out with something like, if the employee is late for 3 times for 10 minutes, she will deduct our annual leave. Not to mention that we been working our ass until late midnight plus weekend and she told us that she didn‘t believe in working late and 10 to 15 minutes late is not exceptional.

I find it rather odd, because I for once knew that many senior in the company is always late and when I did point out these issues, she scolded me back that I shouldn‘t have compare with senior, just because I‘m a fresh graduate and have no rights in voices out any opinion. In other word, is being a fresh graduate give the opportunity for this kind of people to abuse us? Even so, does this give them the right to come out with stupid rules? I take this matter to the director himself and was hoping that at least he would understand my situation (and I want justice), but it seem that he stand on the HR manager side as well. So as you can see, I lost every hope I had in this company and to think that I scarify most of my time to work in this company and all this while, I didn‘t felt being appreciated. However, after the bad incident, they all decided to have employee appraisal this week and since my reputation been down the drain, I have no ideas what is that fucking HR manager is going to do next or what will I do next.

Old Nazis with M16 guns....HELP!!!

2005-01-05T12:32:00.000+08:00

I used to think that older people are all about wise and wisdom. Are they? Ok, maybe I‘m a little too harsh about the whole thing but when someone older than you tells you that when you have any problem, you can refer to them. Can they? I did eventually and give these old Nazis the opportunity to shot me down with their M16 gun. Tell me if I‘m wrong, but recently there are some issues about some rules which we young generation fail to achieve and in order for this Nazis to discipline us, they come out with the silliest new rules ever. As for me (the cute and innocent boy who wish to venture this life), I couldn‘t stand over the fact that this rules is somehow STUPID, so I speak out my mind in the most innocent ways and hopefully that these old Nazis could accept my opinion and somehow do something about it. However, after I finished, they tied me up and they start shooting;

1st shoot : What do you know about life, you are just 23.

2nd shoot : When I was young, we struggle a great deal to get something, what are you, an amateur.

3rd shoot : * I couldn't remember anything because I suffer from blood lost and my head start spinning

4th shoot : * I think I'm going to pass out

5th, 6th, 7th, ... shoot : * I'm dead...

Correct me if I‘m wrong, but is this how the mighty wisdom people talk? Seriously, I was just expressing my opinion and do they have to insult me like that. I might be just 23 and just a programmer, but I do know a great deal of what is out there and don‘t worry grandpa, I have the whole time in my hand to enjoy my life not like someone with their dick wrinkles every hour passing by. WHAT THE FUCK with the “when I was young…” speech (GET A GRIP GRANDPA), don‘t tell me what is the whole drama queen of your struggling, my great-grandparent swam all the way from China, what is the fuck with your tiny struggling that your sorry ass couldn‘t take. And HELLO! We live in Y2K now. I understand that you‘re struggling and I‘m sorry for you but all that is in the past. A past where we all learn and hope never to repeat the same mistake again and build a better future and guild the young generation to the correct path of life. Grandpa can‘t just simply wear MC Hammer‘s pants circle now and tell me that back then it was a hip, it will be fashion suicide. It got me wonder, are we, the young generation somehow being punish for the struggle the elderly face in the past. All of this is just pure bullshit. Deep down, I know that not many elderly people act this way and I know a lot of nicer elderly people and I love them. However, let me advise you, if you ever run into any elderly Nazis wannabe…juts run, run for the sake of your life.

Why do men window female shopping?

2005-01-03T12:31:00.000+08:00

When a male friends ask me to go shopping with them, it only means two thing; 1st company him to go window female shopping and 2nd company him to go window female shopping. Although I find such activity is such a waste of times and foremost I don‘t really know why every male friends of mine like to do so but I always left them sitting alone while I go shopping myself. For me, I like to watch other people mainly because I like to observe the attitude and the fashion styles of each individual but I observe while I shop not sitting at one corner and suddenly turn into some self-stalker machine. However, having to ask all my male friends about their unusual activities, I find something which is quite rather interesting facts over their view of women.

Male Friends: Dude…this girl is so fine… I like the way she wear, almost as she is wearing nothing at all.

Me: Then, why not buy one for your girlfriend…I bet she will be DAMN fine too…

Male Friends: No way dude, I ain‘t let nobody sticking their eye at my girlfriend.

Me: Then what the FUCK you go stick your eye on someone‘s girlfriend…

It suddenly occur to me that, in men point of view, when a women is single, they can wear anything they want but when they illegally immigrate to mars, does the rules implies that they should covered up and live as a fugitive. Even so, if women have to live up to the men expectation, then why there are no rule applies to men either. How come, men still roam freely to sick their eyes in somebody breast even though they have a girlfriends. Anyway, maybe I‘m been too harsh on my male friends but I still couldn‘t get over the fact what is the whole big mystery about their favorite activities? It‘s just women breast not the sphinx.

Awkward being the Third Wheel in a "Couple" of Relationship!

2005-01-01T12:22:00.000+08:00

The other day, I have the rather unpleasant day of my life. It would seem that I been drag many times by my “couple” friends to joined them for lunch. From the entire time being the third wheel in their relationship, I find it very awkward because most of the time, I would sit there waiting for time to goes by while both of them cuddle among each other. So, while stuck in a situation like this most of the time, I might as well take this opportunity to interview them. It went something like this;

Me: Are you sure you guys are comfortable having me here with you guys?

Couple: Why not, we love your company and beside we are bored seeing each other too much.

Me (inside my mind): What the Fuck???

Couple continued: U know, it is like the entire time, it is always him, it is always her. BORING…

Couple (in action): Cuddling…

Me: Get a ROOM…

It then hits me, in a relationship, since when the single people are taken as hostage to make a couple closer. I used to think that relationship is like a fix deposit in a bank, the longer you save, the more interest you will get. However, in a relationship nowadays it would seem that the more time both side spend with each other, the more likely they would loose the interest among each other. Not to mention, couples are usually threaten by single people because the single people would have the higher probability to break their relationship NOT keeping their relationship (weird!). However, I still couldn‘t shake this feeling of being the third wheel and felt guilty over the fact that I wanted a girlfriend too not a “couple“ friends. I find it rather sad because I used to have a relationship and it ended rather disappointing and I don‘t need x-rated couples to remind me how good it was having someone to be there for me. Anyway, maybe it is hard walking in a single people shoes, that is why we need a “couple” of shoes to make us feel good…

The best New Year of my 23 years of Living...

2004-12-31T12:21:00.001+08:00

It is officially end of 2004 and although it is inappropriate for me to say this after the tsunami tragedy but celebrating this New Year was the best thing that is happened to me compare to my 23 years of living. My initial plan for this New Year was to bring my fabulous self to a fabulous place. I and I end up having a normal typical dating where we start off with watching movie (The Aviator) and then continue with a lovely dinner reservation at Chillis. It felt relaxing and self-satisfying with the margaritas, cosmopolitan, a few cigarette light on and a nice piece of well-done steak (I felt heavenly...it was the perfect date). Right after we finished our fabulous dinner, both of us was thinking of buying a red wine and go back and soak ourselves in a bubbly bath and start counting down for the New Year.

However, while I was busy buying the wine, one of my best friends called up and invites me to his New Year barbeque party. At first thought, I wanted to say no, because I hardly knew anybody there in his party (I felt very shy with people that I hardly know) but then, it is New Year and I shouldn't be that childish about the whole situation, so I said yes. As I reach his house with my fabulous self with a fabulous red wine as a present, I notice that the party consists of him and his girlfriend only. I was shock and on the same time feeling weird because at time likes this, shouldn't a couple be celebrating New Year together without any third party. However, being with them (although awkward) I felt comfortable and having a great time. After the barbeque, we plan to waste another 2 hour to New Year with watching Nicholas Cage's National Treasure Hunts movie.

However, before we could even watch the show, my best friend's parent came home. Unlike any parent, this parent was wild, friendly and full of surprise. Being around his parent, I didn't felt the pressure or tension but it felt like they are like your typical crazy friends. His mother especially, were funny, would joke about almost anything and saying dirty word is simply seem like a second nature to her. She then later, asks me to join them gambling which end up I loose around 30 buck but I was cool with it. When it was almost midnight, his mother pop up one Champaign, and she then insist that we start singing a song (I end up mime, because I don't know how to sing that song) and then followed up with countdown and everyone shout Happy New Year. His mother gave everyone a hug and although I hate to admit it, but I miss my own mum that particular time and wish that it was my mum that hugs me that time. Compare both our family, I really wish that my family were half of my best friend's family. My family doesn't celebrate anything and we are particularly very traditional. We don't gamble, we don't go out for a movie, we don't speak foul or dirty words, we won't joke about anything and my parents were very strict with manners. During dinner, we couldn't talk with our mouth full, eat with the correct manner, and we couldn't go out from the house after 7pm and must be in bed after 9pm because there isn't anything to entertain us (I know...boring). However, that was all in my past, I'm living alone in KL right now and having to celebrate an occasion with a family that is so different, exciting and wild, I felt really happy for my best friend and I felt even happier that he invites me to be part of it. Well, goodbye 2004 and although 2005 is still unpredictable for me, 2004 will always be remember to me as the best year ever compare to my 23 years of living.

They shoot single people...don't they???

2004-12-31T12:21:00.000+08:00

I was wondering, since when a public place is meant for couples/group of people. I find it very discrimination for people to look at single people with their pitiful look whenever single people hang around in the public places such as restaurant, cinema, shopping complex and etc. Maybe it is just me, but whenever I go to cinema or dining in a fancy restaurant alone, I always get annoyed whenever peoples keeps looking at me like I'm some sort of pathetic single being. Not to mention, most of my friends thinks that I'm crazy for going to cinema alone or having the concept of dating myself or went shopping alone. My friends in particular will go like this;

Friend: Where did you go?
Me: Cinema watching movie...
Friend: OOO...with whom?
Me: Myself...
Friend: OMIGAW...You go Cinema ALONE? It is rather sad...I wouldn't go if i were you
Me: FUCK OFF!!!

I mean, since when activity such as going to cinema, or even shopping must be done in pairs or more. However, I find it rather comforting to do thing freely with my own without having to worry about my partner or what other might thinks. Toward some extend, I find it rather silly, because of what other might think of us single being, many of my friends don't even dare to go mamak or kopitiam alone. Just because we are being with ourselves, are we somehow outcast by others? Even so, what with their eyes that keep aiming at us single being and shoot all sort of this unwanted feeling to make us unease. Well, I know for one thing, being single is fabulous and to hell to those keep staring at us...they are probably jealous of our fabolous-self.

Becareful..Turtle presence...

2004-12-31T12:20:00.000+08:00

I was having lunch at Modesto, Hartamas and saw this cute turtle sun-tanning... Dunnu whether he stuck there or stuck there...hahahaha

Sin CIty

2004-12-30T12:20:00.000+08:00

Year 2005 is going to be a blast...why? Because, as you look trough apple.com, there are many new great movie lining up such as, Star Wars, Batman, Constantine, and one that really catch my attention is Sin City. From the trailer itself, I was amaze by the black and white dark alley theme with a good combination of a few bright colors that really bring out the modern/ancient type of show. It kinda gives me the feeling of the movie Sherlock Holmes plus Roger Rabbit (I know… I‘m weird). Another attraction is because; Jessica Alba is in it and also other great actors (Clive Owen, Bruce Willis, Elijah Wood and etc) and actresses (Rosario Dawson, Alexis Bledel, Jamie King and etc). However, as I was watching the trailer, I couldn‘t help but notice the theme song for this movie. It felt dark, sensual, slow, and erotic and I couldn‘t help but keep on playing the trailer over and over again to listen to that music. Sadly, I didn‘t know who sang or the title of the song is, but I‘m still searching but have no luck at all. Anyway, this is one movie that make into my top ten 2005 must watch movie.

Goodbye 2004...

2004-12-28T12:19:00.000+08:00

Another 3 days to go and it officially end of year 2004. There comes a time for everything such as spring cleaning, summer holidays, special occasion but there are times especially at the year end, would be my very own “I know what I did this year“ season. It was year 2004, that I found a fabulous job (plus being confirmed at the mid year), having wonderful colleagues to share my laughter, move into a new beautiful home, having lots of wonderful parties, having great 2004 birthday, 2004 Christmas, and most of all, having a great 2004 was when I first discover “blog“. During the breakdown period in year 2003, I have a hard time letting go of my own pain and anger until I was suggested that writing a blog was the best therapy ever. Surprisingly, it did help a lot but I never knew that writing would the best thing that is happening to me (although I never did improve in my grammar). Not to mention, through blogs, I get inspire by many people out there to have such passion for writing. Whether it is about their life, jobs, their precious/sad moment, journal/article, and those wonderful pictures and it occur to me that, there are more to life than meet the eyes. Even with simple topics that happened everyday in our daily life, people could write it in such an interesting way and mostly it got us to wonder around thinking “Hey that happened to me too”. Anyway, I‘ve been writing blog for 1 year now and hopefully, life in 2005 could be better but still I will share it out in my blog…hahaha… Happy New Year Everyone!

An Adventure to CinaBeng land, Zombie Land but actually I'm in Hell...

2004-12-25T12:17:00.000+08:00

On one beautiful night, I received a call from a friend of mine. Usually, from the caller ID, I already know what is he going to say and usually I would say no but after all, I tell myself that, he still a friend and going out supper with him shouldn‘t be that bad. So this time, I say yes. However, there is a slightest problem because idiotic of me, after I say yes, he ask me to find him in Ampang Jaya and I have no idea where and little do I know that, I started a new adventure to CinaBeng land. While I was on a phone with him, he gave me some major wrong direction which leads me to major wrong place. First, I end up in KL city area and second, when I thought that I was in the correct track, I end up at this village and it is freaking dark and quite. It is like that movie where people stuck in an area and then ghost fly out of nowhere…kinda like a zombie land in Michael Jackson‘s Thriller MTV and then there was this loud noise, I look closely in front, and saw this huge warehouse. It get even freakier, because from the look of it, it is like a secret laboratory that kidnapped human and lock them in chain, hang up high with blood dripping down and experiment it and turn them into zombies by some crazy scientist. I was shaking to my core and quickly u-turn and drove out from that dreadful place called Ampang Rimba something (I was too shock to remember anything).

Anyway, my all time useless friend called me and says that I shouldn‘t have gone straight and instead turn left to Taman Kersas at the traffic light (for the record, he told me on the phone 10 minutes ago that when I reach Jalan Ampang, just go straight and straight and straight…people, I advise you, never believe a hypocrite like him). Anyway, when I finally caught up with him, instead of bringing me to a place where people have real supper, he brought me to a cybercafe which own by his friend and sadly to say that everywhere I look, is all CinaBeng. This is the price for agreeing to have supper with a friend at the first place and look at me, I stuck at CinaBeng land. Mind me, because I was never the type that hangs around cybercafe, arcade, Petaling Street (not that blogger Petaling Street, which is my favourite place to hang out), or anywhere that scream insecurity. Anyhow, I was in this cybercafe and I keep bugging my friend to go have supper because I seriously wanted to go back home and sleep over this dreadful nightmare but he keeps ignoring me. Since I got internet access, I was chatting with my friend and told him how freaky it was and after 10 minute of chatting, I saw him playing games and I shouted at him, why we still here and he are told me that he finished 5 minute ago and say that it would be rude to interrupt me (DAMN FUCKER!!!). Anyway, I drag his sorry ass out of the cybercafe and suddenly outside; I met a new friend of my friend which has the word CinaBeng written all over his forehead. Since I was in hell anyway, I thought that I should tolerate with them for a little while.

We went to another CinaBeng area and stop by a coffee shop to have our supper. While waiting for my food, I look around and saw how dangerously that kids and teenager hang around in this dark alley and what was their parent thinking about. It gets even worst when on the road itself, look like a hooker industry and fill with load of CinaBeng which wanted to start fighting. My friend and his CinaBeng friend was on the other hand, browsing their eye looking for pretty woman (like those “hamsap” warewolf…MEN..HAI).then, my friend asks me why I keep looking like that and why I hated this kind of place so much. The point was, he never really knows who I really am and I don‘t blame him but this kind of places was never my kind of thing. If I want to have fun, I go to English pub, if I wan to have supper; I go to mamak or a Chinese kopitiam which doesn‘t scream trouble. Call me boringor even naive, but I like a place where I will feel safe.

Anyway, while having our supper, I notice that all the CinaBeng beside, behind, infront and even next to me eat, talk with their mouth full, eat with mouth chewing noise and eat while blowing their nose…omigaw, how bad is their table manner can be. Ok, so I‘m being a little bitchy but eating while blowing nose, which is intolerable. After that dreadful supper, my friend insists to call another CinaBeng friend of his and seriously, is my cue to go. I told him that I have another meeting with a friend of mine and say I wanted to go. Instead of being a gentlemen and at least show me out of this dreadful place, he gave me only direction which I have doubt because of that horrible journey to zombie land. Anyway, in the end I got lost again but this time, on highway but I got home eventually. I‘m so not going out with him anymore.

My Christmas Present...

2004-12-24T12:16:00.000+08:00

Christmas Eve was marvelous… I woke up at 7 am and then treat myself for a little of DimSum (end up eating too much and have stomach ache). Just as I thought that I was going to rest before partying at night, my colleagues call me up and ask me to join them for lunch at PJ. Since the schedule was a little tight, so I might as well dress up myself until the evening party but unfortunately, picking what to wear was another thing and I was late for the lunch. However, the one thing that was expected was the traffic jam around KL and because of that; I was even late for the lunch. Anyway, after lunch, I and my colleagues went to cinema to watched Ocean Twelve. The show was nice and twisted a little, but it would seem that the truth been reveal a bit too quick. Not to mention that, all the stunning actors and actress is one of the reason why I went for this movie. My colleagues initially wanted to watch Kungfu Hustler, but due to my unnatural hatred toward mr.Chow, they change to Ocean Twelve. I don‘t really know, but everyone seems to love that actor and most of them told me that he is hilarious. However, whenever I saw his show, the more I see, the angrier I got…probably because I don‘t really like “Lawak Bodoh” show (do people have to try this hard to make people laugh…I don‘t think so). However, my anti toward mr.Chow probably insulted many of his fans and my friends.

Anyway, after the show, we hang around in the shopping complex and then later at night, I rush toward KL city to meet up with another friend of my which two of us have dinner reservation in Victoria Station at Jln Ampang. First of all, I heard many critics saying how bad it was, but I have eaten a lot of time at Victoria Station but in Penang. The service and the food were really good. The captain of the restaurant knew exactly which to recommend. However, as I step into KL/Ampang Victoria Station, it was the most disappointing western restaurant I have ever been too. The service was bad, the waitress keep ignoring my call, the captain have no ideas whenever I enquiry about the foods and the worst part, everything turn up so wrongly and sadly, our drink only came after we finish our meal and that is because we keep asking the captain where is our drink and he totally ignored our order and not to forget, the food…SUCK big time and not fresh at all. Anyway, since it is Christmas, I make an exception and two of us end up meeting another 3 friends for “YamCha” (supper). Apparently, I am not full yet, so I ate again that time. My Christmas Eve was pretty great and hectic but still enjoyable. When I woke up this Christmas morning, I finally can start digging up my presents and the feeling of touching the presents and hearing the wrapping paper tore off and my mind keep wondering what the heck am I getting is all too much joyful.

On leave but wanted to go back to work...CRAZY

2004-12-23T12:15:00.000+08:00

Working for 1 years plus, I was never the kind that apply for leaves and will not do so, because, I don‘t really have anything to do at home and I will be bored. At least having something to do in my company was good enough for me. Don‘t get me wrong, but I stay alone in KL, friends are mostly in Penang, family stay too far away and window shopping was never my thing. So the only thing that is closest to me is my colleagues and this company. Anyhow, my company did mention to me that I have to clear off my leave before the year end, which I did and end up having around 2 week of holidays. I plan to go back to my family but end up they all went for a vacation in China (so I end up alone again). Anyway, my leave started last two days, but I went back to my company (wearing shorts which are so weird) and joined my colleagues for lunch. The bad part was, I get scold by my own colleagues because they probably think I‘m the stupidest person in the whole world to come back to work when I was supposedly on leave. Toward some extend, they might be right, but having too much free time alone and nothing to do is really torturing. I keep insisting my colleagues to let me join them for lunch…hahaha, but I end up get scold anyway and I do really want to go back to work. Having to say that, I work as a programmer (not public relation or wedding planner which is more exciting job) and I definitely know that most programmers would rather spend their time away from computer if given the chances.

Anyway, the good part of having holidays is that I got a chance to redecorate my room and clean everything up. Another point to prove I‘m really crazy is that, I really wanted to buy Christmas tree. End up NOT…WHY??? Well, first of all, I‘m not a Christian, so it would be really weird having a Christmas tree and another reason was, it is too expensive and I can‘t really afford it. So, I end up using my color printer to print a A4 paper size Christmas tree…hahaha…how crazy is that and I put all my present below the Christmas tree picture (see pic above…nice???). I never had that many present before nor should I say, I never did once receive a present for Christmas (because I‘m a Buddhist). Actually, I bought myself something and wrap it up and plan to open it during Christmas. When suddenly, my friends gave me presents out of the blue, so I guess I don‘t really need my own present anymore (because to avoid being pathetic for myself…hahaha). I have a feeling that this Christmas is going to be a blast and something to be remembered. Cheer!!!