New Technology... USB-Sage

Still remember the movie "Matrix"...remember the part where NEO hatta stuck a huge cable behind his head and transfer some Kung-FU tricks into his mind. Wouldn't that be great if that really apply to all of us... well, accept minus the part where we have to shave our f***ing head to look like Sinead O'Conner. Anyway, let me introduce the latest technology called: USB-Sage...

We first have to implant the USB-Sage port into our forehead and then used the USB cable to plug it into our PC. See, simple and tidy... no need to worry like what our poor Keanu Reeve did in Matrix. Once plug into the PC, wait until your windows show...
Once "Idiot Detected" is shown on your task bar, then click on your "My Computer" and you will have a new drive in your desktop. Then just drag and drop any digital files into the drive and that it... SIMPLE. With USD-Sage, you don't have to worry about studying for your pathetic exam, or having hard time remembering anything. However, the transfer rate will depend on how fast your brain process and also the storage will depend on how big your brain is. So, sorry for any of you pea-brain out there... less storage for you.

However, there are some minor advices if you transfer a file into your pathetic brain. DO NOT format your PC with your USB cable plug into your forehead... you will get amnesia or probably become vegetable. Please BACKUP your memory once a month and teach your housemate, partner or family to recover any memory lost from your brain. BEWARE of virus incase you are affected.

So... Buy USB-Sage and we all know... Knowledge is power... PS: Plug on your own risk.

Where am I... and What does it really mean...

As I open my eye, I was on a train, sitting next to the window. Outside was dark and everything passes so quickly for me to even glimpse at where I am except for the moon, shinning still in the sky. Then I notice, I wasn't carrying anything and my trailer was empty except for me, a little girl who is crying and an old man, all sitting separated far apart. I looked at the little girl crying but then I realize there is no sound, not even a slightest train sound. Everything was mute. Looking at the little girl, somehow she looks very familiar and yet I couldn't remember who she is. I was starting to freak out but still, I was stuck with million of questions or more importantly, where I am. As I stood up from my seat, the train stopped and the door opened. I didn't know what to do but somehow, I felt this is my stop.

I walked out and there I stood alone, confuse, frustrated and scare. I felt, there is nothing I can do but just walk and hoping along the way, I could get some answers. The first few steps, I was scared and walking in this empty road, I felt so insecure and unpredictable. Slowly, my steps becomes faster and faster and finally, I run. I run as long as I can remember until..., I reach a bungalow in front of me. The lights were on and I saw shadows of peoples walking in the house. I opened the door and there I saw, all those familiar faces and yet, I'm having difficulty remember who they all are. As I walk pass trough the familiar crowd, I notice some of them laughing at me, staring at me, and some pity me and yet I couldn't hear them. Am I somehow become deaf or was it something else. I felt as if I'm standing there and the world just spins endlessly.

Questions keep pilling up and yet still no answer. I didnt know why, but I rush into the toilet, locking myself inside, away from those entire crowds. I saw myself in the mirror and I was pale. I turn the taps on and splash the water on my face. This time, the mirror shows me a reflection of all the people I know, peoples which I call my friends. I bang on the mirror, shouting, calling to them but there were no sound and they didn't notice me. I continue banging until the mirror shattered into million pieces. One of the pieces struck into my eye and then I open my eye. I was in my room and I can hear the sound of my fan spinning and then I realize, I was dreaming all along. The dream got me restless and tired that whole day but most of all, until now; I couldn't help but wonder, why is that little girl crying, who is the other old guy, why is everyone laughing at me, judging me, and why can't my friends hear me, why are they ignoring me and most importantly what does this dream really means...

How do we live our pethetic 20% of our life to the fullest?

When it comes to middle age people, we spend 80% of our time working so that we could spend 60% less headache when we reach our old miserable life. Seriously, when it comes to our other 20%, what do we actually have left? We barely had time to rest yet alone making our life interesting. Probably it is just me, but who doesn't want a nice house, fancy car, plenty of money to spend, or a job that pay well? Heck, I only want a single-sit sofa and that even cost more than my salary alone. Even living alone is F***ING expensive.

Anyway, back to the 20% of our miserable life, how do we live it to the fullest and yet still have the energy to go back to our 80% working life. I definitely don't want to be the kind of person that wake up every morning and go to work and come back and sleep and end up saying "That is the story of my life"…period (wait, that currently what I'm doing every single day...F**K). Every time, when I browse trough any magazine, looking at those hip and happening people going to some big event looking awe so fabulous and all the money they could spend... well, I wonder for a second, thinking at my current pathetic life... well, let's not even go there. How do these people do it?

Seriously, how do single pathetic being like me, living slash working in a city alone, can live life to fullest without worries, without depression, without imagine taking knife and cut my wrist and laugh in the toilet mirror (I'm joking). My friends think I'm pathetic and depress but what can they understand? They everyday go back to their family, and have tons of friends to hang out with. How can they possibly understand what single slash alone out-station people felt? My friend say that it is an excuse and excuse of us not mixing around. Not that I'm anti-social or un-friendly or didnt want to mix around but tell me, how to make friends in this 20% time we had left. Not to mention, like hell I'm going out and simply say hi and BAMP*, we are friends now... thank you so much for making my life interesting. Anyway, my 20% for today is running out... need to go to work... and that is the story of my life... temporary... for now.

Never meant to be any sort of Relationship...

In any relationship, whether with a friends, lovers, ex-lovers, colleagues or even ex-colleagues, I find it rather funny why none seems to last for me. When it comes to breakups, I always seem to think that I was the problem and it always got me to wonder why or what went wrongs. In any given relationship, I always thought that I had it but in reality I had nothing but millions of scars to haunt me. However, it got me thinking about relationship, how do we know if one is committed to it?

Often, when it comes to people that I had known, it is either they are using me or wanting something from me. Stupidly, I always fall to where they wanted me to be. I'm not surprise when one will say hi to me and then wanted something from me. I'm not surprise when one will call me up once in a blue moon and ask me for help. I'm definitely not surprise when one will suddenly pop out of nowhere and jerk me around like they used to do. I've stop questioning myself for all the fail relationship I had. I know that I have spend endless of time making one happy, treat them like best friends and invest everything I had in every relationship and I am seriously tired of being broken over and over again.

When it comes to relationship, why do we still invest when we know there is no benefit in it? Why do we care for people when it is clearly that, they did not care for us? Why do we force ourselves to be with someone when that someone is using you and yet we still go back to that someone? Why do relationships have to be that hard? Relationship... Why can't it be like any fairy tales where everything start off a bit rough and end happily ever after? Why the other ways round?

I’m tired of listening to the same old excuses and broken promises when I already know the ending. Having said, after all the fail relationship, shouldn't I be any wiser. After all, I fall countless time and yet I stand up and move on but why can't I prevent myself from falling again. However, having said all that...relationship... is like scattered pictures of the smiles we all left behind. Smile we all used to give one another. If we had the chance to do it all again...tell me...should I give a damn.

Blog Evolution ... In the state of Change

It all started on 2nd Dec 2003, when I started blogging and I have come to realize that many things have change in term of design, the journal, mindset, the title, blogsite and many more. Not that I fancy blogging, but I used to like writing poems or any story which I can play around with many beautiful words and that how I started my blog. However, as time to time, blogging somehow become a place where I find comfort or a companion and places where I can express my feeling instead of some made up stories. Kinda like, shouting on top of a mountain to release all your inner suffering. Not that I wanted to shout it to the world but it felt like, every time when I wrote something, I felt some relief in a way. Sometimes, looking back at my old journal, I felt that some journal are just plain stupid and I always wonder why I bother writing it and some journal reminded me some of the painful memories and some happy incident happened in this past 1 year and 8 months.

Here, looking at my latest blog design... I don't know... I felt something is missing or was it too plain. In 1 years plus, I have come out with 7 different kinds of design and so far, I am only impress with 3 design. Well, at least I realize that I must rely to my mood when it comes to design. I'm not some designer that can come out with anything in anytime. Not to mention, with recommendation of a friend, I change my blogsite from JRoller to Blogspot. Blogspot is easy to use but I still need time to familiar with it but compare to JRoller, Blogspot doesn't provide as much functionality as JRoller itself or probably I wasn't aware of it. However, the reason I change is because I think I destroy my JRoller blog template by implementing too much self-customization. Another reason is because it seems many people are using Blogspot, dunnu what is the big fuss is all about but I'm using it now and finding out myself. Well, cheer to change and I hope you like this blog design. Cheer!!!

A tribute to all mother out there...

Mother... what I would give to have you with me right now. What I would give to feel you loving touch, seeing your smile and your tender voice to calm me down. Working in outstation has never been easy and I always felt so lonely and worst of all, being separated away from you. Nevertheless, being a mother, I guess with my silence and with me telling you that I was happy while I'm not, you always knew how lonely and sad I was and you were always there to comfort me with your calls. Every time, when my Ghost-Buster ring tone would rang, I would smile knowing you were there. That what you are, a strong independent woman who I admire the most because you were always there to chase away my ghost.

When I was young, I used to hate you because you were mean, you always block me from thing I wanted to do, and always punish me but I was young and naïve. I didn't know you care so much for me but I guess that what all children would feel. After many years of growing up, I realize that what you did was for the best of me, and it always got me thinking about you and I thank you for being patient all these years for me to realize that. Being a mother is not an easy job. Having to cook, clean, taking care of family and etc in which having no time to themselves and it make me sad to see the pain, lonely and stress of a mother had to go trough but being a child, that when I will be there for you. I admire most mothers out there, who able to put them-selves out there doing the hardest job of all only to expect respect and love back from their family. To all mothers out there and especially to my mum, you are the most beautiful person and I love you so much.

The reign of Yam-cha is finally over...

It was a typical hot Friday night and no matter how hard I try to sleep, I couldn't seem to find my way to the dreamland. I didn't know whether it is the hot weather or something is troubling in my mind. As I turn endlessly on my bed, I can feel my body as if frying on top of my grill-bed. Finally, after hours of torturing of my body, mind and soul, I seriously need to get out from my room for some fresh air. So, I drove to the nearest mamak and order my typical drink and sat there alone with my cigarette light on. While I was sitting there, I noticed 3 guys sitting on the next table laughing endlessly (probably a normal typical talk-cock session). Somehow, looking at them reminded me so much on the time me and my two best friends was having our Yam-cha session.

I still remember clearly how we would skip work and go Yam-cha for like endless time within one day but the memory seems to slowly fade away and I slowly forgot how it felt to be there with them anymore. I didn't know whether fate is playing with me for leading me out and remind how things used to be and stick it in front of my faces. However, I do wish we would get together sometimes to catch up on stuff but it would seem that everyone is too busy to actually meet up. What a bummer... since the day we got separated, we were too busy going on our own path to actually meet up or wes it just me that is craving to meet up. Anyhow, I could officially declare that the reign of Yam-cha between 3 of us is finally over. After that night, I went back to my room and I didn't know whether I was really tired or the trouble in my mind or the fact that I miss my 2 best friend, I just shut my eye and sleep off and waking up the next day feeling sad again.