Having too much time not to think of a Title

When it come to people like me having too much time to myself, I sometimes wonder why it is so hard for me to move on or even start a new life? I felt like as if I was dead million of time and reborn over and over again but stuck in the same world where everything seems so familiar. Although living in a new life, when it come to certain point of time, when I saw a bunch of friends laughing, when I saw couple holding hand or when a mother play with her children, I often smile but deep inside, I didn't know why I felt so sad. They say that time will heal, time will kill the pain but why do I still feel the same and why do time keep bring me back to the same old time and remind me how it felt so good. Why do times always steal away the thing I treasure most? It is always the same, whether back then or now, when I found joy or when I feel safe, thing will turn upside down and I'm back to being alone again. It seems that my only companion in life is my own memories of the past. A past which keep haunting me and breaking me into pieces. I couldn't help but wonder, when will my circle of deja-vu will ever end?

Be strong honey. I love you too!

Got this joke from askmen.com. Men thought they had it, but Women definately got it.. hahaha...I'm not bias but enjoy the joke...

A man escapes from prison, where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns, and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the girl to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

His wife responds, "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!

Mister Sensitivity

When it come to certain situation whether it is good or bad, it seem that I always fall into the same loop hole over and over again. I have this habit of thinking too much possibility why a certain situation happen until I always end up with a list of negative judgment. To me, I was never a believer when it comes to people approaching me without a motive or what-so-ever stuff they wanted from me. Probably I'm exaggerating, but I'm sure that 95% of the people I meet never fail to prove that I am right. Am I being too sensitive or am I'm doing the right thing having a doubt to protect myself so that I won't drop as hard as to realize the truth when the truth have been predicted.


Sometimes I tell myself not to be so sensitive but I always end up being vulnerable and fall into the same trap over and over again until I'm back to my usual mister sensitivity again. However, sometime, my sensitivity get the worst of me until I never trust a person that mean well and I loose a good relationship with that particular person. Living in a city where everyone is competing with every single being out there, how do we identify a person that is "udang di sebalik magie mee" and the person that is worth having as a friend or even life companion? But then again, such people are like a needle in a haystack and I'm not that lucky to meet any of them anyway. So why put my guard down or should I?

I Climb Tree More Than You Walk

Like any typical yamcha-ing session that I've been too, it always involve sitting in a time-capsule and go back to someone pass historical moment. The other day, PK was telling me how she misses the old days, when the time she would spend her time swimming in a river near her home, climb endless tree with her sister and even play tons of games which most of it I haven't heard before. However, in my mind, she was kind of like the Malaysian version of Pocahontas (well, now turning into Catwomen with her whip and also tight leather suit since the day she enter the KL city area).

However, it never fail to amuse me when some friends try to tell me how they ponteng school, get into a fight, run into woods, got chase by dog or any other stuff which kids in my previous time would do. When I look at myself, I somehow regret that I have grown pass that periodic timeline and regret that I never once did any of that stuff which my friends did before and I somehow envy them. When I compare with all my friends, I find that I am somehow pathetic. They spend their time swimming in a river with their friends while I swim in my private pool. While my friends were playing in the field, I was learning piano and oil painting. While my friends were out camping or school trip, I was stuck with my family going oversea.

Probably this is the curse for being the only son in the family. So, for the entire parent out there, born at least 2 similar gender kids so you guys can't keep track when one had gone missing. Darn it, I always ask my mum, why I don't have a big brother, why just focus on me. How sad?

La Situación Me Dejó Triste

Now that I am free from what I though I was trap, I thought that I will be happy or at least able to breathe or have I fall into another trap. Every morning, when I woke up, I couldn't help but wonder, looking into the mirror... those dark circle, those pale skin, those messy hair and most of all, those lips which I couldn't make myself to smile. Although I am free, I felt as if my emotion still tied up with the past and I somehow become desperate.

Looking into the mirror, I didn't know what have I had become or what will I be. Having this feeling, sometimes I wish that I was born without emotion... not able to feel happy, sad, hurt, joy or what-so-ever that is clouding my mind right now. The more I stare into the mirror, I imagine myself punching the mirror, screaming, shave all my hair, cut all my cloths into peices and just trash my entire room but that is just plain stupid and irrational. Instead, I light up a cigarette hoping when I exhale the smoke out, it will take out all my feeling away.

Looking at the mirror...I couldn't help but wonder when I will be truly free... or am I my own trap?

Kingdom of Heaven, Starlight Cinema of Hell!!!

Cantonese people like to say Chi Kei Loh Suih (Sendiri Cari Pasal) which is obviously true because we human tend to have itchy backside when it come to try something new and end up complaining like I am. Yesterday night, my friend ask me to go Starlight Cinema to watch Kingdom of Heaven and forgive my ignorance, I thought there is some new cool cinema opening up with giant wide screen, good surround sound system and which however, what I didn't aware was the wider open space with no chair or even aircond. After so much of consideration, I thought that this might not end up so bad because since it is open air, I thought that I can smoke which end up CANNOT.

Don't get me wrong, but the show is kind of okay and the idea of Starlight Cinema is good but this is just isn't my cup of tea. I would rather pay 20 buck to sit in a normal comfortable cinema plus large caramel popcorn on my hand. Seriously, if they were to remake Kingdom of heaven on my very own version, it would definitely called Starlight of Hell which starting me as the main character. The story of Kingdom of Heaven portrait a knight a.k.a black smith who was destine to lead a bunch of soldiers while my version of Starlight of Hell portrait a normal typical and pathetic of myself who is not destine to go Starlight Cinema ever again. PERIOD!!! Note: Picture taken in Langkawi.

One mind... Million Thought...

Having million of thought remain inside my mind and yet my finger just stood there freezing on my keyboard with no word to express it out. I couldn't help but wonder...