The Zha Zha Zsu - Depress, Doubt and Not wanting to let Go

Yesterday, as I walked out from my company door, I suddenly felt this huge wave of emotion coming right at me. I felt as if I am being held back and I never wanted to go away and on the same time, being drag away into the sea because I wanted too. I thought I make it clear that it is time for me to move on but still...

I had a box with me when I walked out, and the more step further away and with the picture of me and my colleagues hanging on top of the box, I pause for a moment. It felt like butterflies in my stomach where I know that all of us are going to meet someday, but the feeling of... what if it is not enough or I want more than that or I wanted to be with them forever.

Some people believe that the people we meet in our life are somehow planned in the circle of cosmic relation of our pass life. Kind of like, if I bully this guy in the pass life and in the next life, I will be bully by him. What if, certain karma, love, relation, or companion from our previous life comes back to us in this life but for a fix certain period of our life? Then, will the relationship of me and my colleagues ended here and then see you in next life for another one year and seven month again?

As I look back, I will definitely miss this place and my colleagues. Although it was just one and half years, it looks like the memories of us walking in together was still clear in my mind. The memories of the breakfast, the hang out, the smile, the smoking session, the lunch, the jokes and etc and most importantly, we were there. With the box still in my hand, I look back front and move forward, taking that next step but deep inside, I hope that this is not goodbye...

Here's looking at you kid!

Here's looking at you kid -Casablanca... Hmm, time is ticking off and although the past few days, was feeling kind of depress to leave but it is clear to me that I had make a choice. I'm not going to worry about tomorrow or the day after tomorrow and the following days. For one and a half years I've been trying to believe and confide in different people I've found. Some of them got closer than others and some wouldn't even bother but what important most it that you guys appear. Everyday, you guys give me reason not to walk away, you guys made me stopped believing that I should run away, you guys too always seem to know where to find me and yet why am I'm still here behind you guys. Every time, I always depend on you guys to get me back on track but why do I get lost on the first place, where did I go wrong? Starting today, although I will fall, lost and fails over and over again but one day, I want you guys to see me as I am the man I will be. So, I am saying goodbye and thank you...

What make a GOOD leadership? Somebody just can't get enough of himself...

First of all, I could say that working for nearly 2 years, it have definitely help me in many ways and one would definitely be "identify the suckers in the company". For me, being around him was never an issue, kind of like an annoying noise that keeps on going forever and it is a shame that I have to live with it. Well anyway, this is what happened, this guy who think he is the team leader is very annoying and post a quote of ten rules of leadership. I know he is expecting me to comment something back to his post but instead I wrote a stupid entry back to his blog. But before anything else, I guess I have to describe him for awhile and then got a very good comment from somebody that know him too...hehehe and that somebody wanna post his comment in my blog..enjoy

Scene 1: Nobody drop dead and elected this guy as team lead.

Scene 2: As a fake team leader, he play games all day long and we play game for like 5 minutes and work for more than 10 hours and somehow we get yell/scold/accuse for playing in that 5 minutes.

Scene 3: As a fake team leader, he didn't want to take up any responsibility for any work and throw all the dirty work to his team. If the thing work fine, he took all the credit and if the things turn bad, he blames the person doing the stuff.

Scene 4: As a fake team leader, he hates doing documentation, management, coding and most of the stuff. All he wanted is some crazy power and order people to do his dirty stuff.

Scene 5: As a fake team leader, he never understands his own team and never works around with them to work perfectly as a team. He also never hear their suggestion and always assume everyone agree with his suggestion. If there is a conflict, he will always think that his way is always right and other I always wrong.

Scene 6: As a fake team leader, he always mentally abuse playing his 5 selection of mp3 and play it whole day long again and again and again.

Scene 7: As fake team leader, I must admit that his communication skill is very bad and always somehow end up backstabbing all of us in front of the boss and he only say nice thing about us only when we leave the company.

Scene 8: As fake team leader, he always criticizes his own team and de-motivates everyone. If the team is de-motivated, then his solution is to ignore them because to him, this is their personal problem and if the projects fail, everyone except him would be blame.

Scene 9, 10, 11, 12... I'm getting tired writing this stuff and there a lot more.

Anyway, if he wanted to be a team leader, at least act like one, not some over grown size kid that want all the power to him-self. I don't know, but it always occurs to me that every team will have their conflict and problems. Working as a team, we all should be working together toward a certain goals. How should I put it..."together we rise and together we will fall". For me, as a team leader is to understand own team member, knowing what trouble them and help them in a way beneficial to the team and themselves. As team leader, one should identify ones strength and weakness and how they would contribute to the project and foremost, having a good communication is always a good thing to implement. Speaking of communication, a team leader should able to motivate their team and also having good communication skill with others to have easy flow of information. I don't know, probably I've been too naïve again but being a good team leader is not easy, it come with a great responsibility and the ability to change certain aspect in a team for the good of everyone in the team. However, for some people, they just can't get over himself and post certain checklist that what make the rules of being a leader... This is just plain stupid...

As promise, here is something I got comment from my very own SIFU (master) who commented back at his blog

How good a leader are you?
Sifu says: What? Leadership? You sure you have any?

Do your staff feel part of the team?
Sifu says: First of all, this does not apply as you don't have any staff. Secondly, there is a team but don't think you are part of it

Do you communicate well?
Sifu says: Only if you want to let others know your points and do what you want (that?s your opinion of course). In case you don't know, communication is two-way - so you have been talking to yourself all this while.

Expect new staff to find out what is wanted for themselves and make their own introductions to your team.
Sifu says: True. Also a reason for you to be such an asshole and let colleagues fumble in the dark. No doubt you do practice this a lot like doing whatever you want with the client disregarding their opinions cause you as a newcomer to them so you need "to find out what is wanted for yourself" right?

Expect them to know what you want without having to be told.
Sifu says: Again it does not apply as you don't have any staff. But again, that did not stop you from forcing others to do things your way...

When they don't do what you want, it's best to appraise them in public.
Sifu says: Yup, you sure do that and you go one step further by doing the same with the bosses. But of course, when others do as you say and it is something that is wrong ... you just keep quiet about it and of course like any other power hungry chicken shit asshole, you push the blame away ...

Make sure you get all the credit for your team's work.
Sifu says: That is for sure! Not only team credits, you take away individual credits as well?

Treat them like mushrooms? Keep them in the dark and feed them 'manure'.
Sifu says: You are spot on here. You did it with flying colors. You feed them manure each and every time you open your mouth as only crap comes out of it ...

Ignore them when they do things right. After all, that's what they are paid for.
Sifu says: ... and quickly let the boss know you did all the work and get all the credit ...

Keep reminding them of things they got wrong
Sifu says: ... what you mean? Nobody else apart from you is ever right ...

Make sure you assert your authority at meetings with long monologues.
Sifu says: hahah. Nobody understands you in any meeting. with the client you only confuse them, with colleagues you just keep on talking crap until the cows come home ... btw, that?s not a meeting ... its just you running your mouth ...

Take the trouble to choose appropriate times for their appraisal reviews? Preferably the day before their vacation. Never give them more than an hour's notice.
Sifu says: Again, it does not apply. but you did a good job in making sure that you are worth appraising and makes others look as bad as possible ...

Encourage autonomy, preach empowerment, but actually micromanage
Sifu says: Please, you don't have the slightest idea what these are. You can never encourage but discourage. You just preach but never practice. Let us not get into managing again ok ...

Hahaha.. this is the stupidest blog I ever written... hahahaha but it was fun though... felt kind of relief after writting this.

Weird Picture... Taken at Night!!!

It was nearly 8:00 pm and I was waiting for my Char Pan Mee (cooked in Hokkien style and hookienlicious) at one stall in OUG. While waiting, I couldn't resist taking some snap-shot of the place and what surprise me most is that, it was pretty dark that time, but my picture came out looking like daylight. If you don't believe me, look closely at the stall, the light is on and who "on" during daylight? Well, I think I didn't make my point here but back to x-file, I didn't even use flash light or anything either. WEIRD! Ok where did I go wrong? CLUELESS!

Another 3 week to go....

Have to wait for another 3 week till the day I leave my company. It felt like the time have stop on me and leaving this company seems forever. Yawn... felt kinda bored and my ass is getting bigger cos sitting around too much worrying what will I'll be miss when I leave. However, I definately do know that by not having me there, thing will never be the same again in the office. But this mean, goodbye breakfast, goodbye smoking session, goodbye MK, goodbye... this is pethetic...