a Bag of Salad!!!

The other day, I was in the middle of watching "Gilmore girls" and I couldn't help noticing the thing they eat. I frequently saw the Gilmore keep taking out this bag of plain vegetables out from the fridge, open up and just plain eating it (Weird!!!). Not only that, some of the movie I saw, I often notice how westerner go to restaurant and order a plate salad fill with slices of tomatoes, carrots and a few piece of vegetables and that it. I was even surprise when they do all the Yummy act while I was in the middle of my "char kuew teow" (wish I could show them my YUMMY FACE instead). I'm often curios how they could just eat it raw without anything else on it, not even with any dressing. In each every scene or that in that particular moment in the movie, I often think that probably the movie budgets were too high until they have no money left but to stick with just plain tomatoes.

Anyway, I was planning to go on a diet for this couple of month to shed off some weight and while slowly crawling in the food section while pity myself, I notice this salad section and was surprise to find lots of salad packaging on the shelf. A box fills with baby tomatoes and some green/black vegetables (exactly what I saw in TV) and cost around 4 buck above and was shock to death. Seriously, being a shopping person, I didn't even notice such a shelf ever existed. I though that salad or vegetables are lay out like what they did in "pasar" but this is just so weird. My jaw actually drop dead to the ground while my eye just staring at that shelf waiting to pop out. Anyway, I still think that the price is a little bit too expensive for just a bunch of vegetables and I couldn't believe I ever browse to that section. Anyway, I don't own a fridge, so I probably can't buy it anyway. This is such a bummer; have to drag my sorry ass back to the gym again. Why do some people get so lucky, eat as much as they can and still maintain their shape. This is soo shitty!!!

How desperate can you be?

This particular weekend was totally a disappointment, I was thinking of crashing to either one of the big event such as the prodigy, or the F1 something at dragon bar, force of nature or even red generate but I end up doing noting instead. However, during the weekend, my friend introduce this so called web-chatting called MIRC to me and since I got nothing to do, might as well try for fun since I never play kind of stuff before. Idiotically, my friend led me to this chat room full of crazy people lusting for sex. I still couldn't believe it how desperate one can be. I thought for this kind of chat would end up something we call as cyber-sex which I am not that keen to but during the chat, I notice that many Malaysian people are so wildly open and desperately enough to meet up instantly and have nothing but sex.

Seriously, I mean, meet up with a total stranger and not to mention, "Female" and have this sort of thing. Probably I'm way pass my time and living 20 years in kampong, I could never indulge myself to do this kind of stuff and here I thought that meeting a total stranger in bar was bad enough, this cyber chat was way too much. Anyway, my idiotic friend go and type my hp number for this crazy people while I was gone for like 2 minutes and end up my hp couldn't stop ringing whole night. Mostly girls called up and wanted to meet up right away and not to mention how desperate their voices are. Some even start seducing on the phone and make all those horny voice which I find it very funny and somehow turn on but I end up scolding them for not having any sense of morality.

If I recall correctly, there were 3 guys calling me up and wanted to meet up for sex (bunch of gays...weirdoes) and I get even frustrated and start scolding them like mad people. The thing is with this cyber chat, we never know who one the other side is and that show how dangerously enough this kind of thing will do to other. Anyway, I played for like 15 minute plus tons of phone calls and that it, I had enough and I couldn't understand why my friend were so hook up with this sort of thing. Probably he is too the desperate type of people...weird asshole.

Work in a company is no fairy tales...

When it comes to work, everything falls to your very own performance. How would you dress the part, your attitude toward clients or even colleagues, and most importantly, your professional work that lead to other people perception on your work. However, it got me thinking about working attitude, no matter how hard one try, it would seem sadly for me to say that the company wouldn't notice you at all. As long as you bring money to them, you will maintain your stability in a company. During the last past years, statistically study show that in IT business, it is very hard for fresh graduate to get a decent job. At first, fresh graduate were blame because of their lack of experience and definitely their choosiness to get a better job. This however, become a whole big deal although I find it rather bias because let face it, the company itself are choosy too whether if they hire or even stingy attitude when it comes to their own employees.

I find most of the time that employees have been working their ass off and still in the end got nothing in return. It felt even worst if your friends tell you their fairy tales of how they got their bonus, increment or even promotion and live happily ever after. I couldn't help but wonder, whether is there really a happy ending working in a company or was it a false believes to motivate us to believe that one day we would have our very own fairy tales. Since the emerge of technology, there seems to be a lot of opportunity out there for others employee to simply jump from one job to another job but it got me thinking, why wouldn't one simply stop this nomad way of working once and for all. People are all about physiological needs. They want stability, motivation, challenge and most importantly a financial support to provide their daily basic need to them or to their love one. How hard is it for a company to provide such a thing when a company can earn million dollar of projects and still be stingy when it comes to their employees?

I have a talk with my supervisor the other day and basically try to find out what would his opinion be when it come to matter like this. He told me that in a company, even if the performances of each employee are equally high, not all would get promoted or increment because some would have to scarify to be the lower standard people to handle certain jobs. So, I didn't know whether it applies to other company as well but if this were the case, this would mean that it all depend on the luck and the connection we had with the upper management in order to get a promotion. If performance is equally high, wouldn't this mean at the very least, the other who didn't get any promotion would at least have an increment? Anyway, probably I am being too naïve to believe that a company would ever see the goodwill in each of their employee.

Criticism!!!

Speaking of wanting to change and be spontaneous, it is something which I think I could never ever get to do easily. For one point, many people say I critic too much and never for once think the positive side of that particular something. Well, that is true and so I quit until yesterday night, I met a bunch of people who accidentally have the same concept of criticizing as me which btw steam up my biological being which lead me back to non-stop criticizing all over again. It is like wanting to go on diet and suddenly a big pile of delicious food appears in front of you. However, it got me thinking about criticism, when one treated you badly, could I indulge myself to treat them bad as many as I could or in this case criticize them as badly as possible.

Seriously, lately, I been having called from my ex-college mates which for once I knew they hated me and never called in a million year and yet suddenly, out of nowhere, they called me up and acted like we were best friends. Anyway, some called to ask me whether we would like to have some gathering and do some catching up but the funny thing is, they wanted to meet in karaoke. I didn't know they want to catch up in singing or talking. Some even wanted to meet up at some mamak stall just because I think they wanted to sell insurance to me or probably wanted to see how bad my career have gone. Some even called me up and ask me to join them to go holiday's trip to Melaka which I think (mostly right) that one of their so-called pathetic member have left them due to some excuses and they all are desperately in need for another person to covered up their expenses charge which is me.

So as pathetic as my life can be, where is the positive side in all of that? Even if I can change and compromise with them, I knew that for once that I would be the dumb guy who end up following them and had another worst experience and pity my friends which I think they have to compromise listening to me complaining for hours. Well, although criticism is a bad thing and there are such thing as karma, so I guess I better off with less criticism but at least once in a while a little criticism could enlighten and somehow make us happy at some point.

In the mood for Change!!!

Recently I have come to a stage where I think I want some changes in my life. Probably hit some pub or disco during the weekend or probably hang out more rather than stay at home in my room. Not only that, in term of career, I felt somehow I need some changes too. Previously, I know nothing about programming and the feeling of getting some algorithm working was kind of a big achievement to me and I felt happy. I found it very funny on how small something can really motivate someone. Lately, I have the urge to do something else that probably won't have to involve any programming at all. I was thinking of advertising instead.

Sometime, when I drive trough a big billboard or a good TV commercial, I always wonder why I couldn't do that or even think I could do better than that. Sometimes I wonder, having one day, passing trough a big billboard advertisement design by myself, I probably will feel happier than solving a programming problems. However, having the heart for great design, I still lack of experiences and proper mindset to perform some pieces. I find it very hard to incorporate other people ideas or company look and feel because everyone have a very different concept of what look nice to them.

I define my art at my own term and I like to draw it according to my mood because this is how I feel and art should be sincere and it should represent the painter feeling. Even a great painter, for example Picasso can draw garbage and still call it art and probably worth a million dollar. Anyway, who am I to judge? In my current stage, I still have no idea what I want but what can I say, wanting to have something mean this is a risk I think that everyone will have to take. At least if it will make us happy...

Working Life - Part 1: Life without cubicle...