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Saturday, January 22, 2005

Older or Wiser?

It is funny how thing turn out just because of some minor alteration in the timeline. We were like good friends for one day and then the next day, everything seems to fall apart just because of some promotion/appraisal. I hate to admit it but what is all the fuss about it? In that period of time, I didn‘t know what got over me but when I look back now, it somehow seems so foolish to act such a way. People say that money and friendship don‘t mix, but how come nobody ever warns me about promotion/power could somehow equally jeopardize a friendship as money.

Maybe I‘m been naive, but I prefer the time when we all start out fresh. I knew that thing would go differently in the end, but I didn‘t expect it to be sooner. Half year ago, it was rather sad because all of us are divided in to two team and somehow, we been label in such a way but we manage to look at ourselves as one whole team. Anyway, one month ago, instead being separated into two teams, all of us somehow divided into two sections; promoted and the one that is not promoted. The promoted people start to drown themselves with load of works, responsibility and load of showing off. Where else, the none-promoted drown themselves in lesser work, worry about their future and self pity. Somehow, I wish that with time itself, everyone will just get over it and still be friend or I‘m been too naïve again.

I on the other hand, am under the label of “non-promoted“ section, am worry about my own future instead. I‘ve been working for more than a year now and somehow, when I look back at the mirror, I look at the same person one year ago except I have shorter hair, get a little chubby and start smoking. If you stay working long enough, you suppose to get wiser about your work. What to do in certain circumstances? How to handle problems? Where to find the perfect opportunity? But what make any of us expert. What if, all those time workings only make us older, more confuse or dead? Are we getting wiser or just older? Hmm… speaking of older, I‘m under the “men in their mid-twenties” section, still single, a lousy career and worst of all; I didn‘t know what I want. I‘ve been thinking a lot recently and still it got me nowhere and I need to figure out before I went for my appraisal. The thing is, I didn‘t want to stick being a technical consultant slash equal office boy and I will point out in my appraisal. I‘ve been putting out my ass for this company and I want to focus on something which I could officially label it as my own career.

However, I am still blurring about my own future and scare that I will make the wrong decision. Why can‘t thing be simple? I really admire my colleagues that got promoted. They knew what they want from the start and now they got it. Dammit…DAMN myself for being useless. However, I never got the chance to congratulate them but I guess now is a good time to say it (I know you guys are reading this blog and I also want to congrats to the one who moved to 9th floor and leave me behind…hahaha and you own me lunch for losing that bet). I guess, now the time I stop questioning everyone including myself and start choosing my side of the road. Dammit, I have to stop writting about this drama-work of mine but then again, if no drama, I couldn‘t possibly think of anything else to write in this blog of mine. HOw sad…

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