The best New Year of my 23 years of Living...

It is officially end of 2004 and although it is inappropriate for me to say this after the tsunami tragedy but celebrating this New Year was the best thing that is happened to me compare to my 23 years of living. My initial plan for this New Year was to bring my fabulous self to a fabulous place. I and I end up having a normal typical dating where we start off with watching movie (The Aviator) and then continue with a lovely dinner reservation at Chillis. It felt relaxing and self-satisfying with the margaritas, cosmopolitan, a few cigarette light on and a nice piece of well-done steak (I felt heavenly...it was the perfect date). Right after we finished our fabulous dinner, both of us was thinking of buying a red wine and go back and soak ourselves in a bubbly bath and start counting down for the New Year.

However, while I was busy buying the wine, one of my best friends called up and invites me to his New Year barbeque party. At first thought, I wanted to say no, because I hardly knew anybody there in his party (I felt very shy with people that I hardly know) but then, it is New Year and I shouldn't be that childish about the whole situation, so I said yes. As I reach his house with my fabulous self with a fabulous red wine as a present, I notice that the party consists of him and his girlfriend only. I was shock and on the same time feeling weird because at time likes this, shouldn't a couple be celebrating New Year together without any third party. However, being with them (although awkward) I felt comfortable and having a great time. After the barbeque, we plan to waste another 2 hour to New Year with watching Nicholas Cage's National Treasure Hunts movie.

However, before we could even watch the show, my best friend's parent came home. Unlike any parent, this parent was wild, friendly and full of surprise. Being around his parent, I didn't felt the pressure or tension but it felt like they are like your typical crazy friends. His mother especially, were funny, would joke about almost anything and saying dirty word is simply seem like a second nature to her. She then later, asks me to join them gambling which end up I loose around 30 buck but I was cool with it. When it was almost midnight, his mother pop up one Champaign, and she then insist that we start singing a song (I end up mime, because I don't know how to sing that song) and then followed up with countdown and everyone shout Happy New Year. His mother gave everyone a hug and although I hate to admit it, but I miss my own mum that particular time and wish that it was my mum that hugs me that time. Compare both our family, I really wish that my family were half of my best friend's family. My family doesn't celebrate anything and we are particularly very traditional. We don't gamble, we don't go out for a movie, we don't speak foul or dirty words, we won't joke about anything and my parents were very strict with manners. During dinner, we couldn't talk with our mouth full, eat with the correct manner, and we couldn't go out from the house after 7pm and must be in bed after 9pm because there isn't anything to entertain us (I know...boring). However, that was all in my past, I'm living alone in KL right now and having to celebrate an occasion with a family that is so different, exciting and wild, I felt really happy for my best friend and I felt even happier that he invites me to be part of it. Well, goodbye 2004 and although 2005 is still unpredictable for me, 2004 will always be remember to me as the best year ever compare to my 23 years of living.

They shoot single people...don't they???

I was wondering, since when a public place is meant for couples/group of people. I find it very discrimination for people to look at single people with their pitiful look whenever single people hang around in the public places such as restaurant, cinema, shopping complex and etc. Maybe it is just me, but whenever I go to cinema or dining in a fancy restaurant alone, I always get annoyed whenever peoples keeps looking at me like I'm some sort of pathetic single being. Not to mention, most of my friends thinks that I'm crazy for going to cinema alone or having the concept of dating myself or went shopping alone. My friends in particular will go like this;

Friend: Where did you go?
Me: Cinema watching movie...
Friend: OOO...with whom?
Me: Myself...
Friend: OMIGAW...You go Cinema ALONE? It is rather sad...I wouldn't go if i were you
Me: FUCK OFF!!!

I mean, since when activity such as going to cinema, or even shopping must be done in pairs or more. However, I find it rather comforting to do thing freely with my own without having to worry about my partner or what other might thinks. Toward some extend, I find it rather silly, because of what other might think of us single being, many of my friends don't even dare to go mamak or kopitiam alone. Just because we are being with ourselves, are we somehow outcast by others? Even so, what with their eyes that keep aiming at us single being and shoot all sort of this unwanted feeling to make us unease. Well, I know for one thing, being single is fabulous and to hell to those keep staring at us...they are probably jealous of our fabolous-self.

Becareful..Turtle presence...

I was having lunch at Modesto, Hartamas and saw this cute turtle sun-tanning... Dunnu whether he stuck there or stuck there...hahahaha

Sin CIty

Year 2005 is going to be a blast...why? Because, as you look trough apple.com, there are many new great movie lining up such as, Star Wars, Batman, Constantine, and one that really catch my attention is Sin City. From the trailer itself, I was amaze by the black and white dark alley theme with a good combination of a few bright colors that really bring out the modern/ancient type of show. It kinda gives me the feeling of the movie Sherlock Holmes plus Roger Rabbit (I know… I‘m weird). Another attraction is because; Jessica Alba is in it and also other great actors (Clive Owen, Bruce Willis, Elijah Wood and etc) and actresses (Rosario Dawson, Alexis Bledel, Jamie King and etc). However, as I was watching the trailer, I couldn‘t help but notice the theme song for this movie. It felt dark, sensual, slow, and erotic and I couldn‘t help but keep on playing the trailer over and over again to listen to that music. Sadly, I didn‘t know who sang or the title of the song is, but I‘m still searching but have no luck at all. Anyway, this is one movie that make into my top ten 2005 must watch movie.

Goodbye 2004...

Another 3 days to go and it officially end of year 2004. There comes a time for everything such as spring cleaning, summer holidays, special occasion but there are times especially at the year end, would be my very own “I know what I did this year“ season. It was year 2004, that I found a fabulous job (plus being confirmed at the mid year), having wonderful colleagues to share my laughter, move into a new beautiful home, having lots of wonderful parties, having great 2004 birthday, 2004 Christmas, and most of all, having a great 2004 was when I first discover “blog“. During the breakdown period in year 2003, I have a hard time letting go of my own pain and anger until I was suggested that writing a blog was the best therapy ever. Surprisingly, it did help a lot but I never knew that writing would the best thing that is happening to me (although I never did improve in my grammar). Not to mention, through blogs, I get inspire by many people out there to have such passion for writing. Whether it is about their life, jobs, their precious/sad moment, journal/article, and those wonderful pictures and it occur to me that, there are more to life than meet the eyes. Even with simple topics that happened everyday in our daily life, people could write it in such an interesting way and mostly it got us to wonder around thinking “Hey that happened to me too”. Anyway, I‘ve been writing blog for 1 year now and hopefully, life in 2005 could be better but still I will share it out in my blog…hahaha… Happy New Year Everyone!

An Adventure to CinaBeng land, Zombie Land but actually I'm in Hell...

On one beautiful night, I received a call from a friend of mine. Usually, from the caller ID, I already know what is he going to say and usually I would say no but after all, I tell myself that, he still a friend and going out supper with him shouldn‘t be that bad. So this time, I say yes. However, there is a slightest problem because idiotic of me, after I say yes, he ask me to find him in Ampang Jaya and I have no idea where and little do I know that, I started a new adventure to CinaBeng land. While I was on a phone with him, he gave me some major wrong direction which leads me to major wrong place. First, I end up in KL city area and second, when I thought that I was in the correct track, I end up at this village and it is freaking dark and quite. It is like that movie where people stuck in an area and then ghost fly out of nowhere…kinda like a zombie land in Michael Jackson‘s Thriller MTV and then there was this loud noise, I look closely in front, and saw this huge warehouse. It get even freakier, because from the look of it, it is like a secret laboratory that kidnapped human and lock them in chain, hang up high with blood dripping down and experiment it and turn them into zombies by some crazy scientist. I was shaking to my core and quickly u-turn and drove out from that dreadful place called Ampang Rimba something (I was too shock to remember anything).

Anyway, my all time useless friend called me and says that I shouldn‘t have gone straight and instead turn left to Taman Kersas at the traffic light (for the record, he told me on the phone 10 minutes ago that when I reach Jalan Ampang, just go straight and straight and straight…people, I advise you, never believe a hypocrite like him). Anyway, when I finally caught up with him, instead of bringing me to a place where people have real supper, he brought me to a cybercafe which own by his friend and sadly to say that everywhere I look, is all CinaBeng. This is the price for agreeing to have supper with a friend at the first place and look at me, I stuck at CinaBeng land. Mind me, because I was never the type that hangs around cybercafe, arcade, Petaling Street (not that blogger Petaling Street, which is my favourite place to hang out), or anywhere that scream insecurity. Anyhow, I was in this cybercafe and I keep bugging my friend to go have supper because I seriously wanted to go back home and sleep over this dreadful nightmare but he keeps ignoring me. Since I got internet access, I was chatting with my friend and told him how freaky it was and after 10 minute of chatting, I saw him playing games and I shouted at him, why we still here and he are told me that he finished 5 minute ago and say that it would be rude to interrupt me (DAMN FUCKER!!!). Anyway, I drag his sorry ass out of the cybercafe and suddenly outside; I met a new friend of my friend which has the word CinaBeng written all over his forehead. Since I was in hell anyway, I thought that I should tolerate with them for a little while.

We went to another CinaBeng area and stop by a coffee shop to have our supper. While waiting for my food, I look around and saw how dangerously that kids and teenager hang around in this dark alley and what was their parent thinking about. It gets even worst when on the road itself, look like a hooker industry and fill with load of CinaBeng which wanted to start fighting. My friend and his CinaBeng friend was on the other hand, browsing their eye looking for pretty woman (like those “hamsap” warewolf…MEN..HAI).then, my friend asks me why I keep looking like that and why I hated this kind of place so much. The point was, he never really knows who I really am and I don‘t blame him but this kind of places was never my kind of thing. If I want to have fun, I go to English pub, if I wan to have supper; I go to mamak or a Chinese kopitiam which doesn‘t scream trouble. Call me boringor even naive, but I like a place where I will feel safe.

Anyway, while having our supper, I notice that all the CinaBeng beside, behind, infront and even next to me eat, talk with their mouth full, eat with mouth chewing noise and eat while blowing their nose…omigaw, how bad is their table manner can be. Ok, so I‘m being a little bitchy but eating while blowing nose, which is intolerable. After that dreadful supper, my friend insists to call another CinaBeng friend of his and seriously, is my cue to go. I told him that I have another meeting with a friend of mine and say I wanted to go. Instead of being a gentlemen and at least show me out of this dreadful place, he gave me only direction which I have doubt because of that horrible journey to zombie land. Anyway, in the end I got lost again but this time, on highway but I got home eventually. I‘m so not going out with him anymore.

My Christmas Present...

Christmas Eve was marvelous… I woke up at 7 am and then treat myself for a little of DimSum (end up eating too much and have stomach ache). Just as I thought that I was going to rest before partying at night, my colleagues call me up and ask me to join them for lunch at PJ. Since the schedule was a little tight, so I might as well dress up myself until the evening party but unfortunately, picking what to wear was another thing and I was late for the lunch. However, the one thing that was expected was the traffic jam around KL and because of that; I was even late for the lunch. Anyway, after lunch, I and my colleagues went to cinema to watched Ocean Twelve. The show was nice and twisted a little, but it would seem that the truth been reveal a bit too quick. Not to mention that, all the stunning actors and actress is one of the reason why I went for this movie. My colleagues initially wanted to watch Kungfu Hustler, but due to my unnatural hatred toward mr.Chow, they change to Ocean Twelve. I don‘t really know, but everyone seems to love that actor and most of them told me that he is hilarious. However, whenever I saw his show, the more I see, the angrier I got…probably because I don‘t really like “Lawak Bodoh” show (do people have to try this hard to make people laugh…I don‘t think so). However, my anti toward mr.Chow probably insulted many of his fans and my friends.

Anyway, after the show, we hang around in the shopping complex and then later at night, I rush toward KL city to meet up with another friend of my which two of us have dinner reservation in Victoria Station at Jln Ampang. First of all, I heard many critics saying how bad it was, but I have eaten a lot of time at Victoria Station but in Penang. The service and the food were really good. The captain of the restaurant knew exactly which to recommend. However, as I step into KL/Ampang Victoria Station, it was the most disappointing western restaurant I have ever been too. The service was bad, the waitress keep ignoring my call, the captain have no ideas whenever I enquiry about the foods and the worst part, everything turn up so wrongly and sadly, our drink only came after we finish our meal and that is because we keep asking the captain where is our drink and he totally ignored our order and not to forget, the food…SUCK big time and not fresh at all. Anyway, since it is Christmas, I make an exception and two of us end up meeting another 3 friends for “YamCha” (supper). Apparently, I am not full yet, so I ate again that time. My Christmas Eve was pretty great and hectic but still enjoyable. When I woke up this Christmas morning, I finally can start digging up my presents and the feeling of touching the presents and hearing the wrapping paper tore off and my mind keep wondering what the heck am I getting is all too much joyful.

On leave but wanted to go back to work...CRAZY

Working for 1 years plus, I was never the kind that apply for leaves and will not do so, because, I don‘t really have anything to do at home and I will be bored. At least having something to do in my company was good enough for me. Don‘t get me wrong, but I stay alone in KL, friends are mostly in Penang, family stay too far away and window shopping was never my thing. So the only thing that is closest to me is my colleagues and this company. Anyhow, my company did mention to me that I have to clear off my leave before the year end, which I did and end up having around 2 week of holidays. I plan to go back to my family but end up they all went for a vacation in China (so I end up alone again). Anyway, my leave started last two days, but I went back to my company (wearing shorts which are so weird) and joined my colleagues for lunch. The bad part was, I get scold by my own colleagues because they probably think I‘m the stupidest person in the whole world to come back to work when I was supposedly on leave. Toward some extend, they might be right, but having too much free time alone and nothing to do is really torturing. I keep insisting my colleagues to let me join them for lunch…hahaha, but I end up get scold anyway and I do really want to go back to work. Having to say that, I work as a programmer (not public relation or wedding planner which is more exciting job) and I definitely know that most programmers would rather spend their time away from computer if given the chances.

Anyway, the good part of having holidays is that I got a chance to redecorate my room and clean everything up. Another point to prove I‘m really crazy is that, I really wanted to buy Christmas tree. End up NOT…WHY??? Well, first of all, I‘m not a Christian, so it would be really weird having a Christmas tree and another reason was, it is too expensive and I can‘t really afford it. So, I end up using my color printer to print a A4 paper size Christmas tree…hahaha…how crazy is that and I put all my present below the Christmas tree picture (see pic above…nice???). I never had that many present before nor should I say, I never did once receive a present for Christmas (because I‘m a Buddhist). Actually, I bought myself something and wrap it up and plan to open it during Christmas. When suddenly, my friends gave me presents out of the blue, so I guess I don‘t really need my own present anymore (because to avoid being pathetic for myself…hahaha). I have a feeling that this Christmas is going to be a blast and something to be remembered. Cheer!!!

The Thoughtfulness of Christmas Present!

Yippee…yesterday evening, I was walking with my best friend and then suddenly he gave me a Christmas present which is my first ever Christmas present. I was speechless and although I‘m a little picky with what people gave me, but this present was prefect. Over this pass few year, I never did once receive a proper gift for any occasion. Most of my friends were never a fan of buying a gift because I probably think that they felt the troublesome to wrap it up and more importantly, what to buy. Even with Christmas exchange present, they always complaining about the price for the gift and would end up with an item cost 5 dollar plus the wrapping paper (well some end up buying from 1 dollar shop and didn‘t even wrap it up). I always get annoy because they didn‘t get the whole meaning of exchanging present (I don?t have any ideas too but I made it up). However, still… during Christmas, exchanging gift should be something from the heart, the thoughts that we buy for that particular individual with the mind-set of being thankful for having them as a companion in this short life. Sadly, to say, many of my friends are “KiamSiap” (meaning stingy) and they wouldn‘t understand the meaning of Christmas spirit. However, that night, while driving back, I felt relief to know at least one of the people that I cherish most have a Christmas spirit in his heart. BTW, my hand is itchy right now because the present is beside me. I wanted to open it so bad but my friend make me promise him to open it only on Christmas morning (ARRRGGHHH). Have a very Merry Christmas Everyone!!!

I HATE WEEKEND!!!

Weekend is killing me, period. Thing get worst when I have human-build-in clock that make me wake up at 7 am every Saturday and Sunday which mean I have 15 hour of nothing to do before I went to sleep at night. I really envy those people that can get back to sleep. It is like, Poof and they continue sleeping… my goodness, is there a spell or chanting to do this kind of trick. Well at least it would help minus for like 5 hour of my 15 hour of boringness. Even awake, I just lie down doing nothing and it seems forever but when I look at my clock, it is just pass 10 minutes. This is so shitty! Ok, so instead of lying around, I though that I should go for a nice dimsum for breakfast and read newspaper. I bought The Star and sit at the dimsum restaurant and start reading and eating. I read from political news (which is boring) to business section (even boring) to lifestyle (now this is interesting) to comic (which is my favorite) and to sport section (which is utterly the most boring section ever). Where else, speaking of dimsum, I could say that I eat up almost everything with 3 teapot of Chinese tea which cost me a BOMB and toward my horror, I do all that within 1 hour and it is only 8.30 am (SHIT!!!). So, this time, I decided to bring on the big gun by watching Anime (Full Metal Alchemist) to waste my time. Anyway, after watching for like 5 episodes and again, toward my horror, it is only f***king 1 pm. This time, I think I went from insanity to CooKoo… As usual, when I went CooKoo, the only solution is to go shopping which I did. I went to this shopping complex and bought myself a comic (uncanny X-men 453) and sit at Coffee Bean and enjoy my Mocha Frappuccinno. After finishing the comic and coffee, I walked the entire shopping complex from shop to shop including bookstore which I take the pleasure of not buying but standing and illegally reading it. After long session of standing plus my leg is aching, I sit down for some smoking session and watch a bunch of people performing a small concert. However, I noticed the sky is getting darker and was so happy to end the day but, when I got home, I saw my clock only show 4.30pm (F***K). That time, CooKoo couldn‘t even come close to who I am now. I start re-arranged and clean my room and do my laundry and when I finished, it is only 6 pm (OMIGAW…4 hours to go). Then, I went out again to buy dinner and this time, I ask the stall owner to cook really slowly and that I have plenty of time and he should cook for other first. Anyway, while waiting I was bored to death because the show they are showing in the TV is football. After a while of waiting, I got my food and went straight home and that no-good stall guy cook my stuff for only 15 minute plus me driving there and back. 6.30 pm and I purposely bath for 1 hour and for that, my skin get all wrinkles. 7.30 pm, I started eating my dinner accompany by watching The OC season 2. However, this show last for 1 hour which bring me to 8.30 pm and this time, I ran out of ideas what to do. Then it suddenly hit me that I can blog, which I‘m writing these boring journals now and finished it by 9 pm. I give up, I still couldn‘t sleep, it is not yet 10pm. Another 1 hour of suffering to go. I can‘t wait to go back to work. Weekend is killing me… at least during weekdays, I need to work, I got things to do. I HATE weekends!!!

The principle of Equivalent Trade!

Ancient time, people often trades something of an equal value to gain something they wanted. People can‘t gain something without scarifying something and there is no such thing as having it all. When I was young, people always say that I was lucky and that I have everything. In certain part, I thought it was true because I always get anything that I ever wish for. However, having possession over these short term material needs, I never have a father that will be there for me whenever I needed him to be because he was too busy with his own business. I have seen many of my friends, who work very hard to earn enough living expenses for themselves and their family but with the cost of their life commit 24/7 to work. Some, who thought that their 6 month working experience is enough to manage their own company and with the risk they took without thinking the consequences, they face bankruptcy within 3 month. I couldn‘t help but wonder, in every aspect in our life, we gain something and we lose something, kinda like a win/lose situation and if we gain more than we bargain for, will we be punish for our act in changing the force of the equivalent trade?

What do we find in a Job?

There are times, when old friends meet together; we never fail to speak about our working life. So far, none of my single friends are happy about their work and the more I meet with each of them, they never fail to tell me that they wanted to change jobs. I‘m curious to know what expectation they want for each job they find. It sometimes sad that many of my friends couldn‘t find a decent job but when they do, I some how find it even sadder that they don‘t really appreciate their job. I maybe naive or what people say “we‘re not in other people shoe so we won‘t exactly know what happen with them” but still, whenever people ask me about my job, I would say I love my job because I really do. It always motivate me to come back working although there are some minor clashing here and there, but still I love this job. Mainly because of the people working around me that make me stay instead of out haunting another job like my friends. Some of my friend change job for 3 times last year because he wasn‘t satisfied with his company and it worried me because he is the type that aims for higher salary instead of working experience. Probably that is why people change so many jobs in one short period of time. It is sometime worrying because, it might not look good in our resume and with the competitor outside, our chances of finding a decent job could be jeopardize. I keep telling my friend not to change job frequently as it might give people the wrong ideas. However, what do we find in a job? I know there are a lot of hypocrites out there who wanted easy, nice environment and very high paying salary and just wish they sit their ass off every single day and these are the type that still don‘t have a job. They says, people will never know until a bus hits them but with more than 50% population hypocrites that are jobless, what chances the bus are going to hit them. In the current market nowadays, it is not for us to decide which job we want, but instead the job will decide whether we are worth doing it. I on the other hand still wonder, if I ever change a job, will have the same mind-set as I have right now.

Santa hate bad Boys and Girls!!!

Saw this joke in www.askmen.com … very funny…


Little Johnny has a swearing problem and his father is fed up, so he decides to go to a shrink to solve the problem. He tells the shrink, “My son has a problem with foul language. Can you suggest anything?“ The shrink quickly replies, “Well Christmas is coming up, so I say, leave a pile of dog poop instead of what he really wants.“ The father gets home and Johnny says to him, “When I wake up on Christmas, I want to wake up to a goddamn teddy bear. When I go downstairs, I want to see a goddamn train circling around the goddamn tree. And when I go outside, I want to see a goddamn bicycle leaning against the goddamn garage.“ Christmas morning arrives. Johnny wakes up and rolls over a pile of dog pooh. Confused, he goes downstairs and sees a big pile of dog pooh under the tree. He then goes to look outside and sees another pile of dog pooh next to the garage. The father comes downstairs and asks, “So, what‘d Santa leave you?“ Johnny responds, “I think I got a goddamn dog but I can‘t find the son of a bitch!”

My goodness, if I have a child like this, I don‘t need a shrink, what I really need is an executioner. I rather have me dead than hearing my own kid swearing around like some fucking asshole. Hmm, speaking of Santa, I‘m going to be one this year. I was thinking of a Christmas party eve and make a list of good/bad boys/girls list to see who deserve to get a present. So far, all bad boys and girls, so I guess I have to keep all the present to myself…HAHAHA…too bad Malaysian houses don‘t have chimney for me to climb into. Even if there are chimneys, I probably end up in jail before I can even enter the house. Bummer!!!

Soap Opera + Anime = The OC, North Shore, Naruto, Full Metal Alchemist

What ways to spend your boring time without spending money? My answer would be spending endless time watching teen drama or soap opera with boxes of tissues just in case and load of chips. I didn‘t get it, most soap opera or teen drama is about their love relationship and all would end up with the similar scenario but different drama unless if we are into the peoples who act in it. I have a lot of collection of teen drama and the reason why is because the actress in it is so damn fine. I‘m currently watching “The OC“, “North Shore“, “One Tree Hill“, “Laguna Beach“ and whole lots more. However, my favorite soap opera is “The OC“. Season one was good although the fate of Merrissa and Ryan is a bit over DRAMATIC. What is more to say when, Merrissa‘s mum go kiss her daughter ex-boyfriend Luke and then marry Ryan‘s guardian‘s father. Now you see, why I say this show is too much. In season two, at least Merrissa‘s mum slow down on her dramatic episode but I just could bear the fact that Merrissa is dating with her gardener, Ryan is dating a Next-Door-Girl who end up to be his guardian‘s father‘s daughter. So basically, Ryan is dating his aunty. Too much drama and this show are sick. North Shore is not as much drama as The OC but you can see lots of business tycoon between who get to own the hotel and watching how Alex used her dirty trick to seduce other to fall off her game. Tessa is good too but lately she is tame by Franky and there is not much action anymore from her. OK, so much for soap opera, for those anime fans, Naruto is the most must watch anime in this season. It is a ninja kid who wanted to be the strongest so that people will recognize his existent and so far, he is doing fine. Now in the latest episode, we can see Chouji fighting one of 4 horsemen of Orichimaru while, Neiji, Naruto, Kiba and his Akimaru dog, and leader Shikamaru is on a mission to bring back Sasuke. Another anime which just catch my attention is “Full Metal Alchemist” where Ed and Al (both brother) try to resurrect their mother by using their Alchemist power. During the process, something went wrong and Al been suck into another dimension. Ed saw this and quickly cast a spell to save his brother but just able to store his brother soul into the nearest armor and by doing so, Ed lost one of his arm and leg where else, his brother live in a armor without a body. Ed felt responsible for his action and start begins his journey to become an Alchemist soldier, so that he could learn a combination spell to restore Al soul back to its own original body. Overall, these 4 shows that I recommend are the best. Anyway, don‘t watch too much because now I‘m getting addicted and wouldn‘t want to go anywhere but stuck in front of my pc. SAD!!!

Christmas Shopping Spirit!!!

Being a lousy programmer, it is always a happy moment whenever I finished a module and for this case, I was able to produce a static gantt chart within a week. Not to say that I‘m proud of myself but it felt good and satisfying for completing something new. However, my pride moment was lost within 5 minute after most of my colleagues keep reminding me that it will be thrown away. Anyway, what make it more worthwhile was, Christmas is just around the corner and I knew that by completing this module won‘t bring me any worries during the holiday?s season. Speaking of holiday, surely there are sales everywhere and unfortunately, I‘m not the only one that agrees on this statement. The moment I drive out from my house, I stuck in a heavy traffic jam and I could say that in that particular day, I stuck on the road wasting for about 4 to 5 hour. However, when I step into the shopping complex, I say 4 things to myself. One, I must spend money to celebrate my module completion, second, shop till I drop to get over the fact my colleagues keep making me depress for telling me that my module will be thrown away in the next phase, third, must shop for holiday season and fourth, buy Christmas present for people I care. Basically, that what I did whole day plus some very fantastic lunch and dinner. I like the whole ideas of walking in the shopping complex with big bags and load of stuff and I‘m so proud of myself. Halfway through my shopping, I met this long-time-no-see friend and un-doubtfully she never change since the day I last saw her. She is still the same old loud speaker I knew. From a distance, once she opens her mouth, instantly you will know it is her. I still remember the good old time when I was visiting a friend which lives three blocks away from that loud speaker and seriously speaking, I could hear her voice. That girl didn‘t know the term speak softly is, she have to shout most of the time. I wonder why? Anyhow, meeting her was wonderful and the entire time with her, there is always laughter fill in the air. After one whole tiring session of traffic jam and shopping, I went back with all my goodies and the best part was, for Christmas purposes, I wrap the entire gift with different pattern. While wrapping, I felt happy and joyfull but the one thing that is missing was, I have no Christmas tree to put all my present. Well, my friends say that I‘m crazy for buying stuff for myself and wrap it up and then open it myself during Christmas day. Since they put it that way, I think it is sad…

To Do or Not to Do!!!

I‘m in the state of confusion! When I started in this project, I have this kind of ideas how the project going to be (so do my colleagues) and yesterday, my CTO told me another thing which confuse me even more (so do my colleagues). I once thought that this project is huge and worried that me and my colleagues couldn‘t finish on time but it end up that we suppose to come out with a simple stuff to test another modules which is really silly because we all went through the wrong concept of R&D, documentation and whole load of stuff which I think it is unnecessary. However, once the mis-communication being sorted out, I on the other hand feel kind of useless. Why? I was suppose to come out with a static java image chart then later export it to JPEG and the problem here is that I‘m not that familiar with java and I have to wait till my other colleague finish his module only then I could used his data to produce the chart. After all this trouble getting the job done, which I‘m still in the process of doing it, I heard that later in this phase of the project, they are going to throw away my part and replace with something more useful. Yet another news was, I suppose to come out with this chart is because I need to test the back-end processing code whether it produce the correct data or not. So, being a useless programmer such as myself, I was thinking, what is all the point doing all this chart fuss where else we could display it in a table format to check the value is correct or not. Since they are going to use something better, why ask me do something just for displaying purposes (and it is not easy to produce the chart). So, I might be a bit over-reacting, and I could think that, this is an opportunity to learn some new stuff although it won‘t be used in this project. But still, I don‘t really like people using the term throwing away other people stuff which people put their heart into it. At least give some appreciation or something but no, just throw it away like some kind of reject shop. So, I am sensitive but still, I hate it. Some of my colleagues that work on other “will be rejected” module don‘t feel the motivation to continue further in this project because all our hard work will be thrown anyway. Again, people keep asking me how my module progress is and frankly speaking, I have no ideas. Should I proceed or should I stop at this point and just let it be. Anyway, will they going to implement it or not, I don‘t really care much now. I just continue doing what I suppose to do. At least I learned something and hopefully this will help me out in future coding.

Christmas is coming but no snow...BAD!!!

December is probably one of my favorite month because Christmas and New Year
are just around the corner. I dunnu, but there is something magical about this
month that I really like except for the bad luck happened to me lately. However,
screw bad luck, Christmas is coming to town and I can‘t hardly wait for it. I
just LOVE buying and wrapping gifts, decorating the Christmas tree, home bake
cookies, hanging the cool red socks and a whole lots more. Although, truthfully,
I never did any of that because I‘m not a Christian and it might sound weird to
say all that but still, every single year, I wish that all of this could come
true or at least, I have a gift under the Christmas tree (which I never see one
before except in TV). Not only that, the one thing I like about Christmas is
also the SHOPPING SALES and Christmas season always produce good line of fashion
cloths and I seriously can‘t wait to dip my hand into it. The other day, I went
to this shopping complex and I was speechless. The entire ground floor fill up
with fake Christmas trees and whole loads of decorative accessories. I can see
many parents bring their kids around picking their Christmas tree, mix and match
all bunch of goodies, lights, and I felt really happy for them (actually, I‘m
jealous…hehehe). However, the one thing missing around here is SNOW…Such a
waste that in this very magical season, there is no snow around for me to
enjoy…to bad, but when there is "Real", there are "Fake". Heck, I never seen
fake snow either. What a shame… Anyway, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year…I
do really hope that everyone is happy around this happy season…YOHOO!!!

Freaking Bad Luck

Lately, I‘m been having bad lucks. The reason is because, last week, my car‘s tyre got blown up, I got into a car accident, I crash into a water host, then food posioning which bring me to endless vomiting for 3 days, and feeling very depress in my office. Oh, did I mention that the car tyre cost me 168 plus 400 for the accident. I was so depress lately and I was hoping somethings would go nice and I was about to go trough theraphy session but noooo, all of the listed above have to happened. What did I do to deserve this? Other than that, I‘m actually quite scare to go out because I don‘t want anything bad to happen anymore but sitting in front of my pc for 24/7 is killing me. Im freaking bored and not only time is slowing passing by but it is killing me too.

Crashing to work...

Like any usual morning, I turn on my car radio very loud and started my journey to work. The traffic was bad but at least it was ok and everything seem perfectly fine. As I was driving toward a corner, I step on my brake to slow down abit but suddenly, my whole car loose balance and start spinning 180 degree. During that horrified Merry-go-round, I felt that the time have died on me and everything seems slow motion. I was panic and yet, I can‘t control my own body. It is like, my body have betray me. While spinning, I saw this car coming right at me and it freak me out but luckily, the car was able to avoid me. Just as I was able to turn to the other side, I saw this huge wall coming right at me and then I CRASH. The moment I stoped, all I can think about is whether I‘m alive or not. Other car driver stop their car half way and ask whether I‘m ok or not and I was in total shock that time. Then as I just able to grab hold of myself, I walked out from my car to check on its condition. The front part of my car was in a total damage from banging into the wall but luckily, there weren‘t any damage to the engine. Just then, I went into my car and drove to work.

The power of one Voice!!!

After a long break from projects and stuff, I felt that I am ready to dive into another new project which my company been endlessly talking about but take no action in it. I knew that I will be part of the team in this new project but I wasn‘t sure which module I will be place into. However, my company has taken a new approach to actually exposing most of us into research and development area which I think it is still new to most of us. We on the other hand have to start from nothing to something. Sadly to say that most of us don‘t communicate as much as we used too. Not many are actually happy with the new process because, none of us are familiar with it and the time limits…suck big time. I was hoping that someone will actually have the guts to voice out their opinion and try to negotiate with the project manager or the CTO himself to work thing around. However, none of us give a shit on what going on. Still, I find it sad and I knew that we will suffer most of it if we just let things the way it is. In this project, I was kind of piss with the task given to me which is handling the UI of the system and nothing else. I felt that I have proven myself in the previous project that I can actually do programming and I was hoping something more in this new project but I guess nobody knew it. Seeing my name there with the letter U and I beside my name was something I didn‘t expect and I could say that after seeing my task, I went total berserk. My colleague, alone been given the hardest module ever and he alone do it and I barge into my CTO room and negotiate a way to allocate more resource for him. Another meeting, which was the worst meeting ever and I on the other hand barge into my CTO room again and negotiate a better solution to pass the message to my colleagues. Seriously, none of the above is my business and I go all busybody trying to solve other people problem where else I couldn‘t even solve my own problems. However, what I‘m trying to achieve here is to let everybody in this project to work as comfortably as much as possible but I‘m scare that I‘m crossing the line or scare that my colleagues will think of me otherwise. Sometime I feel bad for barging around other people business but I can‘t help it seeing thing as it be and i know everyone is not happy about it and nobody is taking action or what-so-ever. However, I did voice out my problem to my project manager about my task and luckily, he was able to fix something better for me in this project. My CTO and project manager was also nice to hear me out and work around with me and provide a better solution for my colleagues which I really appreciate it. Again, I felt bad to intruded but I learn something for it. In any case, if we voice out, people might hear us and help us. I also wish that my colleagues will get along well with the management people and hope that they will voice out their opinion or else, nobody is going to know what is on their mind. Still, I couldn‘t get over the fact that whether I did the right or wrong thing…

Cognitive Behavior Therapy

Having too much breakdown, and no shrink to help me with my problem. I
thought that I could a least find some resource through the Internet to help me
solve my problem. Well, my problem didn‘t solve just yet but I found something
which might just help. Have you suffer from this symptom:

• Depression and mood swings


• Shyness and social anxiety


• Panic attacks and phobias


• Obsessions and compulsions


• Chronic anxiety or worry


• Post-traumatic stress symptoms


• Eating disorders (anorexia and bulimia) and obesity


• Insomnia and other sleep problems


• Difficulty establishing or staying in relationships


• Problems with marriage or other relationships you‘re
  already in


• Job, career or school difficulties


• Feeling "stressed out"


• Insufficient self-esteem accepting or respecting yourself)
  


• Inadequate coping skills, or ill-chosen methods of coping
  


• Passivity, procrastination and "passive aggression"


• Substance abuse, co-dependency and "enabling"


• Trouble keeping feelings such as anger, sadness, fear,
  guilt, shame, eagerness, excitement, etc., within bounds


• Over-inhibition of feelings or expression

If you do, which I have, then the only solution to your problem is to get
"Cognitive Behavior Therapy", which I need. In this therapy, it will involve two
part called Behavior Therapy and Cognitive Therapy. Behavior Therapy will help
distance your problems and help in clearing your mind to more peaceful/calm
mind. Cognitive Therapy will help change the way our thinking pattern. Anyway,
although I sound crazy but I really do consider getting a therapy to help
channel my inner depression to something useful. I mean, there is so much thing
that I want to do with my own life and life suck and short (Thank GOODNESS) but
I wanted to do something that I will not regret not doing it after I die.
However, having self-depression getting in my way, I don‘t have the motivation to
do anything. It is like I was program to do nothing but depress. I look there
and poof, I‘m depress. SUCK…