7th month of Confusion and 7th Month Of Bitching!!!

Mostly high school student didn‘t know what they wanted. Mostly college student don‘t know where to go. So after everyone graduated and venture into the working world, they still haven‘t got a clue what to do with their life. I on the other hand am that kind of people except that I didn‘t know whether to choose an IT field or Art field. So I choose both. However, I been working for seventh month and yet I still haven‘t got any clue who I wanted to be. Not to mention the job I am doing now is even confusing me more. I and my colleagues were thrown out in the middle of nowhere to work on this so-called big project and since we have our own mini-project office, nobody is there to take care of any administrative work. Since my housemate is working at the same company but different branch, we somehow end-up or force to be the communication tunnel that helps pass all the resources needed to our place. I didn‘t mind at first because it seems to me that my company has the lousiest management system and I pity them, so I offer to help. However, as we all knew that most help are not easily appreciated, I get scold by my HR manager for no reason. I got scold if one of my colleague didn‘t come to work and I never inform her. I get scold for informing her because my colleague didn‘t inform her. I get scold if I didn‘t place the order for water supply. I get scold if I ask for water supply. COMMON BITCH!!! What do you want from me? I was hired as a programmer not some louse piece of shit whereby my mum doesn‘t raise me up so that she could scold me blindly. I mean she is SO FUCKUP! I gone all the trouble and a “thank you“ was so hard for her FAT-ASS mouth to say. I pity her, she don‘t need enemy, and she is her own enemy. Everyone in my company also feels the same and we all hate her. The only experience I learn from this was never work for a fuck-up people and never offer help to those who can‘t say the word “thank you”. Anyway, today, she have step at my very last nerve and enough is enough. To think that these women ever got married, I pity her child and her husband. I pray for their peace from this bitch?OUCH!!!

Red Comfort...NOT!!!

Ladied and Gentlement, i present you, my aw-so-not-comfortable red sofa that cost me 65 buck.

Goldilock want it just nice!!!

Lately, I been getting a lot of junk mail, not that I am complaining but it is quite frustrating because, mostly my junk mail start with either penis enlargement or bigger breast. What with this world of all the sudden and since when making BIG come back in style. Pamela Anderson might go big last time, but it got BOOPs out when Baywatch call it “The End“. So what is the whole big deal about enlargement? I kind of like it the way they are. Big or small, look the same to me. What intrigue me the most was, there are actually exercise that help make it extra-size. Some people might take that a little bit too far but lately I heard lots of comment from my friend. They say that cold water will shrink men best pal, and hot water might kill men best pal‘s swimmer. Even penises are now self declare goldilocks, “Not too hot, not too cold, I want it just nice!“. However, that is not the point, people are beautiful the way they are. They don‘t need to enlarge anything at all. I don‘t know about women, whether they have this self-mind security setting for male. Password rejected, “Not LONG enough!!!”. I couldn‘t help but wonder, if size really matter, how big is enough? Anyway, life have more than thousand choices for me to make and god-know how many I make the wrong one, so I‘m leaving this small or big for some other time?

Wrong Turn!!!

My phone rang and an unidentified number appear on the screen. I answered, wondering who it was. Toward out of my expectation, one of my long-and far-far-away-for-8-years relative call me up and told me that they are in town and ask me whether I could join them for dinner. My heart wanted to say no but it would mean that I will bring bad name to my parent, so I say yes. After I pack my stuff from work, I rush into the city. The traffic jam was really bad and since I was away for quite some time, I make a wrong turn and got stuck in another bad traffic jam. However, since it been a long time I never been back in the city and having to force myself to meet my relative, I might as well enjoy the view of all the exotic building that is sky high. As I look around, suddenly, it would seem that the whole world stop on me. I try my very best to turn my head and I felt unease. By the time I turn over, I saw my-once-best-friend-turn-enemy walk on the side way. He was walking pass with another friend of his. I couldn‘t help but wonder what it would like if we were still friend. Growing up with two sisters, I always wanted a brother who can bully me or at least any typical big brother will do. Back then, I was foolish enough to substitute my once-best-friend-turn-enemy as my real brother. It was fun at first because growing up in a family where culture and manner is priority; I never once venture out and try silly stuff (well, until he comes along). I was stupid to see that as much as I thought he was a brother-figure, he is still a typical Chinese guy which has no-what-so-ever knowledge about life itself and a scum too (which prove my theory that most men are useless). First appearance, it blinded me who he was and I was hunger for excitement but time painfully show me who he truly is. Finally, our friendship ended. Still, until this very day, I couldn‘t help but hope that our friendship never ends. However, seeing him walking pass brought me back to so many exciting memory. As if meeting my relative was sad enough, my once-best-friend-turn-enemy have to amplify it and people say that in life if we take the wrong turn, we will suffer the consequences. Anyway, even if wrong turn, all I can do is to continue driving down and hopefully turn back to the right path.

The Electric flows Within!!!

People do not communicate, They just take turn to talk! Mostly people do not share their opinion but trying to convince people to accept their opinion!

Light yet to come!!!

Trap in the darkness of life and yet light is just a window away…

Promote to bigger problem!!!

It was an unpleasant week. Seriously, having to work with somebody that won‘t cooperate with you and having to stay with someone who has different mind-set and stuff. I thought that I was the only one that have communication problem but it would seem that some other people experience the similar thing. Every time I try to ask some inquiry about our module with my leader, he would jump to the conclusion that I am stupid and start talk another thing. Since then, I have been trying my very best to move toward his way and since then I get even more confuse. However, today my other colleague try to talk to him on some issue and they too experience the very same stuff and I couldn‘t help but wonder, was it me or was it him all this while. It is funny because, to him being promote to leader wasn‘t something he would want because it is stressful, so I heard! However, wasn‘t it that being a leader is not being put in a position but action? Where else for my own housemate, she might have a bit of financial problem (although we have the similar salary), she tend to be selfish and deeply-concern about her own money. Worst still, I might consider the fact that she is the type of money-issue-people but toward out of my expectation, she is the Hitler-money-issue type of people. I mean, she want to take whole control of the whole house and doesn‘t want to pay for anything that is out of her expectation and keep complaining stuff which I couldn‘t even do anything about it myself. So can somebody tell me please?I beg you?what should I do? Seriously, personally both of them is a good person and I didn‘t want to destroy the tie because of some stupid position or money issue. Darn it, why cant life be simple?

No Christmas Gift for naughty Kids!!!

After long and waiting for our internet access to come, my internet provider told me that by last Monday we can access the new and improve internet access. I and my housemate were like little kid happily decorating our very own Christmas tree; instead our Christmas tree was decorating our house with lot of RJ45 cable and telephone lines. Imagine, the server is in my room, so we have to nail the cable against the wall from my room to my other housemate room. Over the wall, over my door, under the floor and up the stair we go. We huff, puff and hit the hell out of our house until later, our so call; newly-now-declared-as-bitchy neighbours start to complain. Okay, so I admit that I was ignorant for making so much noise until not knowing what time it was and I did say sorry for like 5 times. However, sorry wasn‘t enough, they keep on dragging and dragging and we have to hear their lecturer and stuff which is quite frustrating. Anyway, the next day (Monday), we all wake up and was disappointed when our internet provider told us that their data center was down and need few day to repair. Again, we were like disappointing kid where we were so anxious waking up and find no gifts under our Christmas tree and got mad by Santa for being a bad kid. This suck!!!

Blazing Sun!!!

Overly confuse with the world of Sun. I don‘t know what the heck I‘m talking about. LOL!!!

Say cool to smoke! Say goodbye to tension and Bye-bye Life

Whenever I switch-on my TV, I was always fascinate with those cigarette advertisement or even when you browse through your newspaper or even drive pass a billboard where it let you feel the wilderness and exotic scene of beautiful scenery, cool Texas looking, or the feeling of being cool. However, each cigarette advertisement always never fails to invoke my curiosity, because in every advertisement, you couldn‘t find any cigarette in it. “Salem Cool Planet“ or was it suppose to be “Salem Could Pollute”. Anyhow, another question still wonder in my mind was what is so good about smoking? Smoke kills and yet so many people smoke. I heard that smoking can release tension and so I experiment it for a few time. First few times I choke and later it is still hard to smoke. It would seem to me that the only tension I get was the tension of me not able to smoke. Seriously, how hard could it be? Anyway, I didn‘t enjoy it one bit and after smoking, my mouth stink like some elephant shit. My friend, who was an ex-smoker and stop for quit some times but because of tension lately, he continues back smoking. I don‘t know whether this is good or not. I wouldn‘t know because I am in no position to judge him. Anyway, it is sad for me to see that youngster who just enters high school or senior in high school or even college kid smoke for no other reason but just to look cool. Common! Of all the thing and smelling like elephant shit is what they define as cool. However, I also pity those secondary smoker, because let face it, we the secondary smoker also have tension and yet we have to sniff other primary-smoker tension. No wonder we die faster. I couldn‘t help but wonder, is it worth smoking in the danger and letting out your life in a complete waste.

Past not worth going back to!!!

After long period of breakdown and escaping the reality, I thought it was time to face my past. So I went back to the place which has haunted me more than anything else. On my journey back, I notice a lot of familiarity, similarity or was it de-ja-vu? There it was, the road that I still remember the road that I walked with my friends, shop that we been to, restaurant that we dine-in and the very same place I will usually meet my friend. All scenes come together at the same time and I can felt the happy moment, the laughter of everyone and then disappear out of thin air. I sit motionless in my car, watching time pass by. I could just drive away, pretending I wasn't there at all but suddenly a knock on my door and I turn. There they were the very same face that once was my friend. Since there was no excuse to go back, I decided to join them and have a few catching up. We went to the very same restaurant, order the very same drink but this time, we all sit there not with our bag or book but with a job which I usually used as an excuse to avoid seeing them. There were nothing much to say, but I wanted to collect my money ($320) which they owe me and get the hell out of there as fast as possible. To be frank, some of us were housemate once and I was kindly enough to pay all the deposit and since I move out, I might as well claim back the money. However during our stay together, we share a lot of stuff, we bought air-cooler, washing machine, telephone-line with fully internet access but the only thing they ever pay was for the washing machine. During that 6 month, they never pay a single bill for the telephone and just because people say that friends and money don't mix, so I just collect the deposit and forget the whole deal. However, when I move out, I took the washing machine with me and when I say that I wanted to collect my deposit, they say I should pay for the washing machine as well and they deducted $100 from my $320. I was furious because I never complain over the fact that they still owe me $200 and $150 for the air-cooler and they want to minus the lousy $100 buck. I didn't spoke a word, I didn't know that my action was correct or not but if we were to continue as a friends, I should just forget the whole thing. After the dreadful meeting and full of regret of going back, I went to one place which will cheer me up. I went and meet with another friend or mine and we had dinner plus lots of complain from me and my friend was kind enough to fill me up the entire Mr.Temple series which I have miss out. Anyway, I come back to my very own world, forget the whole F***KING thing and relief myself with some nice cool bubble bath. Friendship or not, I couldn?t help but wonder, if friends and money don't mix, then what are the chances we can get a real friend when the world we are living in involve money in every second.

3rd is always a crowd!!!

In any going to be relationship, there are always the obstacles that come in between. There will be the commitment problem, the EX problem, the chicken-out problem, third party problem, not so interested problem and so on. However, what if the problem is you? In these 23 years of living, it is always become my nature to become the 3rd person in a relationship which by-the-way I didn't have a clue I was in it until the whole flame start to burn on me. The funny part was, I was the type that think having a relationship was a waste of time but why do I get caught in relationship which I desperately trying to get away from. Anyhow, in the past, girls come along and say "I love you" which to me was a big deal and I admire their courage to tell me personally and shame of me for it is always them who say it instead of me. But it have become a habit that, whenever a girl say "I love you!" I always end up saying "Sorry, I'm going somewhere; I don?t do long distance relationship!" Am I an asshole? But then again, was it my punishment for rejecting a relationship until somebody relationship will always have me hanging as the third person. It is funny though, because most guys will always get tense up or threaten by my present. I couldn?t help but wonder, was it me or was it the guy egoistic problem? How come the guys couldn't see the fact that if we were to compare, I will have much to loose in term of every aspect but why do they still feel threaten. It has come to my attention that, why do two person friendship have to end when someone gain a partner? Then again, what would I know in any relationship since I never experience neither one? Maybe there is a hidden secret in every relationship which we all fail to look at but what if Love is blind, what are the chance that we could find it?

The problem with Men's EGO!!!

Men! A creature which is famous for it's egoistic. It has occurred to me that most men never dare to admit that they need help from anyone. It is bad enough that most of them have problem in commitment and this proves their chicken-shit but why the macho act? Men complain that women running around shopping complex and got nothing in the end but why do men running around with problem and still couldn't solve any of it? Scenario No. 1: My mighty team leader (male), who was supposed to come out with a simple prototype but having difficulty in an area which I am good at and wasted 1 hour un-solving it and didn?t even bother asking his own teammate (which is me). By the way, during that 1 hour, with my being-a-team-spirit attitude, I asked him whether I can help in what-so-area-that-is-bothering him for five f***ing times and shame on my patient, I have take in my big gun and shoot his f***ing ego and do whatever that have to be done last 1 hour ago. Scenario 2: I went out with a bunch friend that consists of 4 males and 4 females and one of the male was suppose to book a hotel rooms which he didn't. No worries because, we can easily book the room at the reception and that's what that idiotic egoistic male friend of mine do. After 30 minute later and still no news from him, I went and check what is wrong. The only wrong was that my friend was having trouble speaking in English with the receptionist. Later, after solving and get a room, my no-good male friend scold me for interrupting and say that he could have done it without my help. I couldn't help but figure, are all men trap in their very own ego? I know that men are scum but still, I believe that most of them in the world are not but why do every men that I know off is trying to prove that men are really scum? I just want to pass my message around to all the men that have ego problem that it is okay to ask for help. Asking help doesn?t make you any less macho. So get over yourself and make life simpler for all of us.

Which is better for Me?

People often say that in life, there must be some choices so that we are flexible in some other ways. However, some flexibility is not that good when the choices are hard to make. Last few week ago, my company reallocated me to some other place to work on a project and recently, they want me back. At first, it was okay because my CTO wanted me back, but it get uglier when my project manager wanted me to stay and end up, I have to make a choice whether to go back or not. After long and stressful weekend thinking where I wanted to be, I still end up without an answer but more doubt and guilt in my head. I wasn?t happy when I was reallocate and even more depress when the project started because of some personal issues and some conflict in the work area and part of me wanted to go back so badly. However, speaking of career wise, it would be wiser if I stay and continue develop my skill in this project and another reason I want to stay is because I don?t like leaving thing hanging and move on to another thing. Moving or not, both side hold it pros and cons; happy or depress, promising future or not, whichever, I?m still deciding. One of my colleague mentions that the hardest road will lead to better fortune at the end. Is he right? Some of my colleagues choose to be happy at work and some choose not to be happy and work hard for career purpose. Well at least they have some sense in their life. How about me? Which would I choose? When I start works, which priorities first? Was it the happiness or the experience? So far, the only experience I experience was only the art of depressing. Anyway, I have made up my mind and I plan to stay back. The problem still remains unsolved in my head and yet it only adds up another question in my mind. Do I make the right choice?

Dacing in the dream world!!!

Lately, there wasn't anything happen except for the same old self-concern and a few struck by sadness and the feeling of being lost being occurred. Lately, I feel like I'm trap inside my very own chamber which I lock myself inside, away from the sickness which been spreading in the world outside. Lately, the only things that lighten me up are the things that play inside my magic box. Having no internet connection at my home yet, I been non-stop watching DVDs, and MTVs to at least make me forget the word "boringness". How nerdy I am? What more nerdy is that, I've been non stop watching the movie "Honey" which acted by Jessica Alba where it is about a girl who wanted to make a change to her own neighborhood and help the children on the street and just go out into the world and do something which she love. It might not sound that interesting but the whole scene, hip pop song, dancing, MTVs and etc are simply enough to catch my attention. However, the one thing that fascinated me was the actress was able to do something that she like which is dancing and how a simple thing like this could bring somebody to some extend level and watching Jessica Alba dancing was another thing. I couldn?t help but wonder, was it the movies or could it be in real life? Dancing is what I like too but of course I wont do it in public or else it would be like elephant dancing mumbo jumbo but I would like to go out into club and just go wild, having rhythm with flow and just dance off my booty (* of course I have to get into some diet program first). However, my fascination over some MTVs and movie is only but a dream to me, which will not be happen and I should wake up to the real world, where most thing is suck. BIG TIME!!!