New House, Old News

Finally, after suffering almost 6 month living in a dumpster, I finally found a place which I can call home. Moving there take a lot of commitment and also a problem because I own a lot of stuff and I have to cut my telephone line (* which is so sad) and try to suit myself with the new environment. Anyway, last weekend was restless. Not only that I am excited to move but shifting there and start cleaning was a nightmare. It was spring cleaning again which I didn't mind but deep down inside me, I feel kind of regret moving into such a big house where the cleaning seems endless. Speaking of endless, it would seem that endless cleaning the whole place was irritating enough for me but I have to suffer from endless complaining from my housemate as well. So I get the message, but does it have to keep on repeating endlessly until today. I am tired too and I haven?t bath for whole day and I am sticky, sweaty and uncomfortable, but to continued hearing people poking me was simply bad enough. I couldn?t help but wonder, was it me that wanted to move out from a student house, but why do I move in with a student? Again, later we all start applying rule and regulation which is utterly unnecessary. The question lies, why we need rules when the rules are meant to be broken. We been staying there only for 3 days and the rules have been changes endlessly. People say that we should be more considerate among each other and I been fighting to prove that "friend that live together, will become enemy forever" are wrong but it would seem that I'm challenging the fate itself. Knowing that I will loose terribly and face the fact that this would happen eventually. How do we expect to considerate where else other don?t. Again, it would seem that choices that we all made are basically our own choices but why do I get the feeling that I am guilty over the choice that they made and have to make up for it where I don?t see the point of making them happy and suffer for myself. I have made a choice moving here and start new and fresh. I like coming home and park my car on my porch and walk up to my fully furnish kitchen and to my room, where it is nicely decorated by me and enjoy a cool bath in my bath tub. Is this so much to ask for. Why does the bad memory keep on repeating itself and haunt me wherever I go. I have already stopped running and stand at the point where I am tired of running anymore. Will that mean that the bad memory already catch up to me and eaten me up?

Secret Door!!!

In each and every one of us, there is surely a dark area hidden behind a very dark room within us. Some wrote in their diary so that when they grow old, they could at least treasure the particular moment while reading it and some keep it in their heart which eventually ran out of hardisk space and accidentally overflow some agenda. Anyway, a person privacy or dark agenda, I couldn?t help but wonder, what is the whole purpose keeping it while other "piracy" it. On any particular nice day, your diary will eventually expose to make your day seem not that nice anymore or you tell your who-you-think-they-were-your-best-friend about your secret but eventually they become best in broadcasting it. But then again, what lies behind that door in our heart? Was it the past history that we are ashamed of, or was it the guilt hanging behind the door that left you hanging or was it your secret revulsion of that particular person until you nail a puppet on the wall and label their name on it? Finally, above all else, if you yourself hate it when a person try to open your secret door, then why you yourself open other door and expose it to the world? Living in a world where no place is safe anymore, why do we still try our very best lock our particular secret door where else sooner or later, the door will likely be open by others? Then again, it would be rather nice to have that secret door to sometimes remind us some of the bad thing that has ever happened to us, so that we could never repeat the same mistake again.

Behind the scene of Magazine

How often do we buy a magazine and more importantly why? To me, magazine will be like one-of-many of my entertainment tool that help me waste my time and aw at the wonder that contain in it. From celebrity magazine, comics, men?s health to interior design, digital world and my favorite, cooking magazine which eventually make me feel guilty and hungry every single moment. However, what question me is that, in every magazine especially fitness or happy or yippee family magazine, the image itself is enough to gag us and voodoo us to feel "This is what I want". The image that show a loving husband and wife sitting cozy in their loving fine kitchen or a loving family on a nicely design and cozy living room or a stud that is lifting bar-bell and show off his muscle or a supermodel that have nicely figured body with cloths that kill the envy of every single women in the world. I couldn't help but wonder, if this is what make us envy and to us life wasn?t that pretty, so what lies behind each image? Are the made-believe-happy family are only made believe but not happy at all, or the stud/model baring their beautiful body because they are made so or went trough plastic surgery, buttock injection and highly spend of equipment or makeup to look good. So what is there to envy? However, of all the envy and do-nothing to achieve it or not capable of owning it, magazine still fulfill their purpose to make us believe that, there is still beauty in the miserable life that we lead now but then again, too much make belief is not healthy at all since it only make us crazy not getting what we wanted. Life is too short to waste on fantasizing.

Happy Birthday my Worst Friend!!!

"Just say NO!" and why is it hard for me to just tell the truth and simply say NO but have to twist and turn story up-side down. One of my friends who were my no-good-shitty-asshole-that-I-wish-i-never-met-and-i-hope-he-rot-in-hell is having a birthday. Today was my friend birthday and as much I wish I forget about it, but my "other" friend couldn't help but remind me about it. It was sad enough that we both argue plus nobody-knew-about-it, I have to answer every call and say, I'm sorry and I couldn't make it because I am working late, which by-the-way, "SO not true!" and what with the stupid excuse. I should have answer "F*** that F**king asshole and ask him go to hell and why would I waste my time celebrating his birthday!". Anyway, the fact that not that I'm lying but it also ruin my whole day. I didn't know why, but it did. I woke up today feeling fresh and ready to go to work with a big heart but somehow it shrinks in a bad way. By the way, come to think of it, why do I even bother with it? It is such a foolish thing to get upset over such a lame thing. Anyway, although we did argue and I did wish him rot in hell, still he is a nice person and I really hope him all the best in the world and on his future. So although your not reading this which I hope you didn?t know about this blog (*HEHE), I would like to wish u a very Happy Birthday!!!

What is best for us?

What is best for us, and what is not? Every single being always come to the part where, they are put in a position where they question themselves whether it is suitable for them or not. People say that "we have to try everything to know what we want" but what if the knowing is not what we wanted. The futures itself are mostly blur to any of us as our decision, so how can we ever make it comprehensible enough so that the future is clear enough for any of us to saunter safely. Even so, in every movie, we often see that the actor or actress will say "Follow your heart" and it end with "Happily ever after!" but why is it that when "We follow our heart", we end up "To be concluded!". Then it got me thinking, in any kind of situation, why is it the heart that does the thinking but not the brain. Even with brain, do we have enough data to make a decision that promise minimum risk? Columbus might make an easy decision of "Veni, Vidi, Vici" but why do we "Veni, Vidi, GOD!!! WHAT SHOULD I DO". Anyway, everything comes to our very own decision. Whether it makes us happy, guilty, or even sad, we still have to make the choice. It might not seem that promising, but then again what is best for us since we ourselves don't know what we want.

If "I" or "We" !!!

Was it me or was it that most men always have the term of "I" and the women have the term of "We". Like any most men, it is hard enough for them to commit to any commitment but why is it hard for them to just simply say "We". I had this "Male" colleague that I was suppose to partner up to work on something but eventually, it would occur to me that I was foolish enough to belief that "I" was any part of it. Then there were this guy, who we should be working on an idea which eventually turns out to be "His" idea minus I-was-part-of-it-too. Another typical male friend who I thought he was the best-of-best friend I could ever have but turn out to be the jack-of-ass cause all this while, he was using me for "his" own purpose and by-the-way, this is a guy who criticize me for telling lies to get-my-way but obviously, this guy got-his-own-way. Where else for women, who easily commit to anything, have a bit of habit of saying "We" which eventually got me into trouble the other day. She was a friend of mine and "We" were working out on a solution of how to solve this programming equation and I almost had it until she claim to our superior that "We" have no idea what the whole thing is. The other day, I met my friend?s sister and "We" just meet the other day but she keep on insisting that "We" should go out together. I agree to meet her one or two time, but until I accidentally heard that she told everybody that "We" are a couple and I think that is the last time I saw her. Anyway, if "I" were men favorite word and "We" for women, then I can truly say that "They" are not my favorite people.

Cheer to Cosmopolitan, Cheer to new House!!!

After having long discussion of how should we standardize the work and having the worst pairing up partner in the project, I was ready to meet up with my house agent until my director walk up to all of us and say "Drink and Dinner on me TONIGHT!". Aside from getting near faint-over the fact that cosmopolitan, whisky or margarita is at present, I say "What the heck!" To me, drinking alcohol is like drinking just plain water which comes additional with headache. The fact that the service is too slow until I only got time for one glass of cosmopolitan and I was off rushing to meet my house agent. Later that night, we meet and couple of driving here and there, we reach to these fantastic place on the hill side and enter this grand entrance with nice cottage houses that come with really great well-maintain garden and club house plus big swimming pool, gym and so on. It was my dream house. The moment I set foot on this place, I knew I love it. Shame of me, which I plan with my new housemate that we should act a little bit to hate the place so that they could lower the price for us but toward our un-expectation, the house agent comes with big gun. She was ready, the moment she voodoo us with the delicacy of the house, we were simply aw by it. We walk in and there was this little room to put our shoe, then the living room was magical and the kitchen was fantastic. My room in the other hand, was enormous big with big attach cabinet and the toilet was "OMIGAW!" My new housemate couldn't resist as well, they love it and what can we say, we all love it. The fact that, the place that I currently staying was pure trash and to think that I am living in a castle now, was simple good enough. Now, I'm not just a after graduate student that life in a trashy place with Prada cloths, I am a person that have good job that pay well and a good place to live to show my Prada around.

The question of "Zen"?

It is 12.30 am and I am still wide awake and I blame it to the long holiday. The fact that I'm used to staying up late for this pass few days which apparently, doing nothing but wonder around, which "apparently" is not healthy at all. I have to go back to work (*YEAH) in about 7 hour times and can somebody please help me hit me in the head so that I could get some sleep. However, as I was lying on my bed, I come across this word "Zen" (*mind me, I know...OF ALL THE WORD) and I couldn't help but wonder, what it is? So toward my curiosity, I look up in the internet and come about this story somehow related to "Zen". The story tells of a

Fish who asked of another fish: "I have always heard about the sea, but what is it? Where is it?" The other fish replied: "You live, move and have your being in the sea. The sea is within you and without you, and you are made of sea, and you will end in sea. The sea surrounds you as your own being."

At the end of the story, it tell us the that the only true answer is the one that you find for yourself. So, it would seem to me that I was the fish that ask the very same question about life itself. So what is life? 80% men and women out there still searching the answer and 10% still haven't got a clue what life is. The only answer that I find is that I suck big time in life but of course I do know that I am on land and I live, move and have my so-called-being on land which comes complimentary with stinking air. Anyway, if we find within ourselves, what would we find about our life? Could we say that we are truly happy as we claim to be? But then again, what consider being happy? Being a millionaire or just happy with what we have now. At the end, what is "Zen" or where do we find our "Zen"? This question, I will leave it for other day to think. Now, I'm heading to my bed, have to force myself to sleep or else, there will be no "Zen" left if I am late to work. Good night!!!

6 Month!!!

Today, I woke up with a mood for spring cleaning, although there wasn’t any season happening in my area accepts for my period. Anyway, accompany with my best selection of music, with sleeve fold up and with the right equipment, I was ready. As I sweep, brush, dust and my ass swinging toward the music, clumsily of me, I knock over my cupboard and hit a few thing down. There they were my photo album, my pass history flashes in front of me. As I put down the duster, I pick up the photos and slowly flip trough. Aside from seeing my old ugly self with some bad hair-do with silly out-of-date fashion and some silly action, I notice that it have brought me back to who I was previously and who I have come over and who have change the person I am today. There were some smiling faces which still remember in my mind, and some who I wish I never meet. Some of them were my best friends who have become my worst enemies. Then it got me thinking about the conversation I had with my friend yesterday about this topic “6th month”. I couldn’t help but sit there and wonder, it was back then during college, that I have knew this person for 6 wonderful months and how we started from a simple handshake to become a wonderful friendship. Eventually after 6 month, we argue and never spoke for another 6 month. We become friend (*Again) after that and continue our journey of friendship and try to repair what have been broken for that pass 6 month. However, thing doesn’t work out for that 6 month of repairing our friendship, instead making it even worst. Now, it been 6 month that we didn’t even contact and in this six month, I gain a lot of new friendship aside from losing 1 best friend. Now, my company assign me into this project in some where else which will took 6 month and my colleague decided that we should stay together. It actually freaked me out hearing another 6 month. It feels like a dejavu with different scene but always the same old bad experience. If I were given a chance to turn back time, would I be fixing thing up between me and my 6-month-awful-partner? Is it worth being friend again since fate wasn’t there for us? People say that we learn from mistake, but will I ever learn about this mistake. A part of me still wanted us to be friend again but will that guarantee no-breaking-heart in future. However, I will be away for 6 month and hope that the project will clear my mind off. 6 month, it may look long, but it can be a blink of an eye and by the time you realize it, there are many thing happen within that 6 month.