"Lesbian from Venus, Gay from Mar!"

There is a saying that "Women are from Venus, Men are from Mar". Then, what in hell, are they doing in Earth. Women complain too much that men didn"t pay attention to them or understand them and so do men, so why bother, since both come from different planet. Men too are another species where, they pay too much attention in women with fewer cloths on but pay no attention when the women wear too much cloth but expect them to wear more cloths to avoid other men from sticking in their ass. Women, who say "men are the scum on the earth", complaint that man didn't appreciate them but hate it, when men lie to them to show their appreciation. Earth, which is in-between of Venus and Mar, would likely to be the battlefield that fills will survivor of men and women. Speaking of survive, men wanted to expand their horizon and somehow expand till Earth. Since there weren't any species to do their dirty work, so eventually they discover that Venus fill with slave which is the potential worker. As time pass by, like any slavery, they fight for their own independent. Ancient time, capuera dance was introduce by slave to practice their self-defense where else women, practice their art of seduction. Eventually, now women are evolving and fighting for their rights in the society. But what question me and keep me wondering, that if men and women really come from Mar and Venus respectively, then it would seem that men and women are originally gay and somehow ended on earth with spinning head which eventually lead them to sexually confuse between breast and cuckoo and begin the new dawn of battle of the sexes. Hmmm! So, no wonder men and women are on earth. I couldn't help but wonder (Again), are gay and lesbian just migrating to Earth from their own planet then (HEHE). Might have the possibility. Then, it wouldn't be "Women from Venus, Men from Mar" anymore; it should be "Lesbian from Venus, Gay from Mar!"

Gigollo with nice Prada wear!!!

Have you ever had the feeling where you don’t really belong anywhere? I wake up and all I wanted to do is just to get out of the house and be somewhere else. I don’t know, maybe the place that I’m staying doesn’t have a word “home” on it and the worst part is that, living in a place where nobody except for who you are. Every time, I walked out of my house, it would seem that everywhere, everybody is familiar and the same old boring question keep being raise over and over again (*Typical and Pathetic). Seriously! They always start with “Hey, how are you! What you do now? Where is the rest of the gang? Where is your girlfriend?” Common! We just meet yesterday and you ask me the same question again (How ignorant can they be?). The sad part is, the question “where is the rest of the gang?” is always seem to bother me. Not that I care much about it because they all suck big time, but the part that it is so cliché of them to assume that I have all the time in the world to stuck in just one pathetic group. Common, we already hit our maturity stage and we are working now, we have our own life now and yes, it would be good if once in a while we do contact but I like to think as “yes, we were friend before, thing doesn’t turn out, so good bye and move on with our own life without pissing each other ass”. I don’t know, maybe I am been too harsh, because I doesn’t like them one bit (Hehe). Anyway, living in a place with the people that you don’t like isn’t a good idea at all and why do I stuck there at the first place. It is sad to see that the people that once are your own friend actually have a single perception or a motive from the start. Anyway, every morning, I wake up like I had eaten 10 rotten egg but walking out of my house wearing, Prada or Armani which eventually giving people the misconception of me being a trash. Seriously, if you live in a trashy trailer (which my house look like one) and come out with fancy cloths, people might think you are part time gigolo over night or part time stripper. But then again, if I own Prada or Armani, why do I have to live in a trailer. Anyway, my work is going to transfer me to other place (*just for temporary period), so it is a good opportunity for me to move out A.S.A.P. Maybe living a place where people might appreciate Prada for a change and also feel good walking outside without people actually knowing you. So what are we waiting for…LETS PACK!!!

STUCK!!!!

Having some bad sector in my brain cell, blacked eye from staring too much on computer’s screen and pride that feel like falling down from 100 storey high building and just splat every time I leave the front door of my office. Having to walk in hall way that never end and enter a lift where my body just collapse at the corner edge and wish the lift just crash down. Going back to my trashy home was bad enough but going back with no satisfactory, is even worst. Come to think of it, I get over the fact that “temporary high” that used to satisfy me was old new, but where is it when you need one. I used to have faith and believe that I could do anything I wanted but now, I have proved that I was wrong. It is like you are ready to come into a new world filling with excitement but wasn’t ready for the unexpected. Now it have shake me to the core that will I ever live up to the expectation. Mya & Mase might sing “Take me there” but now, I don’t think I want to be there anymore. People say that we learn from failure, but it seems that failure is all I do. Living in a world where every second is counted and I couldn’t help but notice that I am way behind and everybody is out in front running further and further away. Feeling really tired right now, but still, I want to move forward but it is so damn F***KING hard. How come people can run in a simple straight line, where else I am trap in a maze where I keep running around and getting nowhere. Life is so unfair!!!

ASP + Mozilla + FireFOX, + Javascript = *HEADACHE*

Last four day was totally hectic for me, I couldn’t even do other of my personal stuff but just work and I mean eat, sleep, toilet and etc. were most of the time thinking about work. Not that I fancy working but, I just couldn’t solve the ASP problem that I have been assign to, for the past few day and my mind just keep wondering how to solve the thing. Toward my supervisor and my project manager disappointment, I was expected to finish last three day ago, so that other task could move on and till today, I still couldn’t solve it. I mean, I am so stupid and sometimes, I think that “Am I suitable to become a programmer!” I look at my other colleague and they can solve any problem within a second and they could immediately trace where the source of the problem is and construct it accordingly. Where else for me, I have what-so-no-idea what the thing is and I am seriously ashamed of calling myself a programmer. What is more frustrating is that people are actually voicing up concern (Not that I am mind off) and start saying how serious I am about the work. I mean no offense, but does that mean that previously, I wasn’t serious about my work. I was so booked with this problem and now I have to entertain with my usual stupid childish act to prove that I’m okay (Common PEOPLE, Gimme a break!). It might sound a little bit harsh of me to say so, but if one or twice is fine with me but do they have to say every 2 hour for the last four day. Anyway, can’t be bother by it now because my brain going to explode soon, if I continue. Now, I have downloaded “Mozilla Firefox” which recommended by my friend because my IE F**K up. Previously, I used “Mozilla” but it somehow couldn’t load all the JavaScript that I wrote for my personal website (*Wonder why?). So, I taught that this “Firefox” might solve the problem, but it didn’t (*Bummer). Another 15 minute to midnight, so I better off designing my website and head to bed soon. By the way, I have redesigned my website (www.geocities.com/keith_ys), so enjoy it. It is half done, but do enjoy it. Cheer!!!

Older doesn't mean Wiser!!!

Is it true that “Time” make us wiser? People always said that the older we get, the wiser we will be. Today, I assist my project manager to conduct training for this group of people how to use our company software product. When I say “these groups”, I mean a well educated that hold a high post in government center and old enough to be my father or mother. Anyhow, as when the training was conducted, I notice that all of this elderly people (as we all claim as “Wise” people) are like those typical primary student whereby they all doesn’t care of what you say and simply do their own stuff. It is like, we tell them 1 + 1 = 2, but they are like A + B = D (which eventually have what-so-no-connection). So, is it true that, as we grew older, we get wiser? I think it is not. From my point of view, time only let us experience thing as we grew older, out achievement only make us prouder but most of all, it is the failure itself that make us wiser. However, we as a human, our pride are likely enough to scare us from admitting we are wrong and some make mistake over and over again and still couldn’t realize that the problem is within them. So how do we realize then. Maybe I was wrong, it took failure + acceptance + standing up will only make us wiser in a way.

Silence + Silence too much = concern + new watch!!!

I was half way drilling my mind on, how to extract data out from database to the asp pages and store into crystal report software to generate a rather quite amusing report. It was then, my MSN messenger starting to (*Beep) and I saw the message saying “Are you doing fine, are you alright?” from my project manager. To my curious and suspicious thought, I was wondering why she would say so (although it was very kind of her to ask me). So I reply saying that I’m OK plus asking is there anything wrong and what would make her think in such a way (seem like rude of me for asking...Hehe). It was then, that I wish that I didn’t ask her at all because she replies; saying that I was too quiet and I didn’t make any noise for whole day (I feel insulted in a good way). Anyway, not only her that make such comment, event my HR Manager said that she couldn’t hear my voice over her room. What wrong with these people? I though those silences are suppose to be golden and since when “Being Noisy” are the hip or hap in the crowd nowadays. I come back home and my roommate start to concern about me just because I was too F***ing quiet. So, I admit that I am a bit crazy and do make a lot of noise, but I though that people find me boring, (which their forehead is written so clearly) and all I ever make noise is criticizing people, sing terribly, plain annoying and pain in the ass (I don’t see any “Hap” about it). Anyway, today I was back early from work and me and my roommate have a very enjoyable conversation (the reason cause, he spend most of his time with his girlfriend and I rarely see him at home) and he gave me a new watch (because it is too big for him). So free stuff for me and another accessory to include in my collection. Cheer for being too noisy!!!

Taxonomy!!!

Today, at work and like any usual day, if I were not in touch with any programming or debugging, I would most probably killing time off. Like any usual day, I would surf the net trying to keep in touch with my so-called world of fashion, entertainment, art, sex, life and so much more. Mind me, although I am a programmer (which I think it is such a shame), I don’t limit myself to one particular thing but enjoy the state of beauty around me. Okay, I’m starting to talk weird! Anyhow, I was 50% looking trough some stuff about this taxonomy and also “Oracle” and another 50% wondering around about “How’s life going on?” So, 50% + 50% = “I am so 100% BORED!” So, speaking of taxonomy, it have occur to me that, if I were to taxonomies or simply classify the people in my work place, it would be simply fun (or I should say, I think I’m too free). Let me see, we definitely have a group of species which I believe to have low sense in communication with other people but do have the brain of every people. This species actually interest me, where they do speak a certain language which nobody and I mean everybody didn’t understand. Another species, which I believe they were once kidnapped and somehow brainwash and being inject with some kind of drug which enable them to speak good English (* with slang) and I think the drug somehow show some side effect where it somehow, lower their body metabolism which eventually make them vulnerable to cold. Ah, the origins (which survive the kidnapped) seem to be the kind of species that is trying to evolve and have a limited and hard mind to accept and to open to other people culture. Finally, the untouchable species! This species hold the majorities among other species and actually, to be frank, I dare not describe this species (HAHA, I might get into serious trouble). Anyway, there are many underground species that I haven’t look into and yet to be found. So thank you for watching Frappucinno’s taxonomy section, where anything is taxonomies…

Bad image, New hair cut!!!

It was 5 months ago, 14th November 2003, where I had my hair dye with 3 different colors to give a little 3D effect. Today, 11 April 2004, I look into the mirror and there was no “D” effect anymore. My hair is long, uneven at the behind and it started to bug me. I wanted to keep it long, but some how, that image I saw in the mirror look likes John Lennon with a huge bad hair day. I could have ignored it, but this couple of day was unpleasant and I wanted change so badly. Later, I grab my car key and drove to “Meeko” which eventually, who did my hair last 5 month ago. I got in and the very same people attend to me and I told them, I need something new and short. They start with washing my hair first plus massage, and I just simply love it. It was like heaven or manicure for women. Anyhow, I get to know this boy (who washes my hair) namely “Jude” (of all the name) and we talked. He asks what I do for a living and I proudly answered “programmer”. It was then the conversation turn out not as pleasant as I thought. Mr. Jude-That-Wash-My-Hair said… “You must be earning good money, nowadays, doing 3 ring tones for hand phone is like big buck”. It struck me then, do I looked like those typical and pathetic people that sell pirated CDs and have no life but doing ring tones for a living. It is good enough, that I don’t look like some computer nerd but this is outrages. Anyway, I panic and later told him that I want to keep my hair clean and short minus the “something new” because I scared that he will fix something new that look like one of the pirated CDs seller with no life but do ring tones for a living. Finally, I got my hair cut. Clean, short and simple. Hopefully now, (Crossing finger) that I look cleaner now. I pay 33 buck for my hair and left the shop. As I walk toward my car, there they were, the pirated CDs seller. It turn out, the Mr. Jude-That-Wash-My-Hair was wrong. I didn’t look like any of them. I was better; I’m not somebody that waste my time doing ring tones. I have a career in front of me. I am a programmer and that, what differentiate them from me.

Bottle and Name!!!

This morning I woke up and I saw the bottle. I was barely able to get myself into reality but the bottle which was hiding under my computer table all this while, flashes my past history right in front of me and how it scare the hell out of me. It was no big deal but seeing the bottle there and some other stuff that I own really make me think, some of my bad memories. I knew that I still couldn’t let go of it but that instance, I get off from my bed and start throwing things out especially the bottle. That afternoon, although I didn’t finish cleaning up, I went out shopping with some of my friends and an excuse just to get out of it. We were out hunting for network card (because, my network card blew up and I couldn’t online for 2 days) and hand phone (because, my friend accidentally drop her phone in a pail full of water). We all went to every shop and do some research and so-called interviewed some people and bargain like a bunch of aunties in a market to get cheap stuff and some of my brain cell exploded because my friend wasn’t sure which model to buy. As we all were walking, suddenly my favorite song came out-loud. It was Beyonce’s “Crazy in Love” and I notice there are many people gathered at one spot. I was like so totally crazy thinking that Beyonce is actually here but instead I saw 3 crappies dancing on the stage. It was an opening for this “V” magazine and I can tell you for sure that, it was no opening; it was definitely the closing business for the “V” magazine. Come on, at least bring up some good performance, instead they put some 3 stooges on stage and make the fool out of themselves. Sadly enough, they end it with break dance which eventually breaks the crowd. Anyway, we left the scene which a huge laugh and eventually the dance make up my friend’s mind which hand phone to buy (*FINALLY). Later that night, I was suppose to meet up with my another friend to go to this newly opened and happening disco but I pass, cause that afternoon I have spend over 300 buck and my wallet is running dry and pleading for help. So be a good people and donate to frappucinno’s fund and you will save a boy (Ignore me). Anyway, I did go out but not to disco but meet up with my other friend for some supper. Eventually, I didn’t like the place. It fill up with bunch of college kids species which shout “GOAL” whenever the people in the magic box kick a ball into a net (*Weirdo). Aside from the weirdo, I was having a good time talking to my friends but later, another friend came up to us and start talking and he purposely brought a name which ruined my whole day. The name was somehow connected to the bottle which eventually reminded me that I still haven’t clean up my bad memories in my room. Later that night, I couldn’t stop thinking both the name and the bottle and I was panic. I even lied about something which I promise my friend not to but it have to come out. I was running out of option and I wanted to go home. Finally, I got back to my room and saw a few plastic bags contain all my bad memories. I just sit there, staring at it and I couldn’t help but wonder, I need to get away…

Sleepless night!!!

It was 2 a.m. in the morning and I’m feeling restless. I don’t know what keeping me awake but like any usual late night, I will usually roll from left to right just to force myself to sleep. Instead, I pour myself a glass of Champaign and sit cozily at a corner of my bed with blanket over me. I look out to my window and see nothing but dark alley accompany with lonely whispering sound of the wind. That night, the moon deserted me but at least I got my “crossgen” to keep me company. To me, I usually would sleep if I read anything which I intended to do, but somehow the book fascinates me. This book is about this 5 different world where each has their own culture, beauty, background and what intrigues me was how they all fight for what they believe and fight for their love. 5 different worlds, with 5 different story, 5 different power but somehow connected with a single “Sigel”. Anyway, after reading the book, I couldn’t help but wonder, we all live in a single world, but war seem to be happening everywhere and anywhere. Why can’t all unite as one harmonize nation where we don’t have to worry about war and suffering. But then again, there are parts of me wishing that in some way, we could play the part in the comic itself. Wouldn’t it be fun if we get to wear cool armor in sigil, own a floating city of meridian, the power of the first, cool classic of scion and elegant custom and magic from mystic. Anyway, it is almost 3 a.m., it is time to get some sleep or else I couldn’t wake up to work. Goodnight…

Equation toward relationship!!!

The other night, me and my colleague was talking about relationship, friendship and a whole lots of gossiping. As usual! However, it got me thinking about my friendship, or my relationship with other over these 23 years. It seems to me that, my relationship with my friends is like gypsy moving from one town to the other; leaving nothing, but just plain historical memories in each town. But what question me is that, what drive this gypsy move from one town to another and what drive me from moving from one group to another? I heard many that have best friend, or soul mate which their heart remain together although what might come in between them. How come, I see my past and saw nothing but a one man show. Why can’t I stay or remain at one place? It occur to me that making friends is like “1 + 1 = 2”, but how come, in order to remain in a relationship is like “2 + X = Y” where “Y” remain unknown until the “X” is certain. Why can’t relationship be simple as it is? Why do we need “X” to determine our “Y”? What if “Y” turn out to be what we wanted, will there be other equation to confuse us more. It is like “When the going get tough, the tough get going”, but what if I don’t want to get tough. Maybe that the reason, why I jump from one group to another. Maybe I still couldn’t figure out my “X”…

Finally..being confirm!!!

It all started from just plain, orange juice which eventually move on to beer, follow up by whisky, frozen margarita, long island tea, vodka, Bloody Mary, sex in the beach, tequila, and finally a spinning head. That night, our company has a private party in a very private exclusive club bar kind-of-a-thing and if you were to ask me what is the function is all about. I can officially tell you that “I have no idea”. But that night, my boss did announce that they want to hire us for good and all the worrying all this while was finally gone. I’ve been confirm. It was a very good night plus all the free alcoholic drink. Today, I step into my office thinking that, I’m a programmer now, instead of the title “Trainee” programmer. I walk up to my desk and as usual, I switch on my PC and later for the whole day, boringness just struck me and also my colleague. Some were bored because of nothing to do because the project is over, some were bored of testing the same thing over and over again and some bored for some no reason. So I couldn’t help but wonder, are we actually safe to consider ourselves being confirm or not? If the bosses are to see what we actually do, what will he do instead? Not only that, I have a long friendly talk with my HR manager and as interesting as she could be, the other couldn’t see that or afraid to see it. How will a superior act in order to let other feel ease with them but on the same time, strict with them? Just one simple word, “Superior” and we let this word to clouded our mind or let it frighten us to be with this superior species. So whose fault was it? Was it the unwillingness of both sides to start a conversation or simply the “Superior” excuse? On the other hand, my supervisor was talking how proud he is with all our performance and says that I have nothing to fear but grab hold of this opportunity to learn and grow. He also did say that, I did make a huge contribution toward this project and everybody know it, but how come I am the only one that feel that I’m not given enough credit for what I have done. If I were that huge, why wasn’t my name printed on the list on, who did what and whichever we did. Okay, I should be happy about my confirmation but how come I couldn’t be happy about it. I taught I was happy that night or was it the whisky, or the tequila. I wonder…