3 lousy days!!!

Have you ever waked up from your bed and think that you wake up at the wrong world? I do. This pass few days were like HELL and I mean it. Sex and the City’s Carrie Bradshaw might have some issue on men or relationship but I have issue with the world. Not to mention, emotionally broke down, head migraine, vomiting non-stop, sick, being double-cross, back-stab, high level of stress and blood-pressure, being accuse of something which I never did, car accident, and a whole lots more and it happen within just three fucking day (excuse moi). Did I mention about the weather? The heat from the sun, just shoot straight down to earth and nothing in between blocking it. We are exposing to it blindly, and it is killing me. Aside from the vomiting, which causes my lung to swollen and the heat is making it dry and painful, my lips is breaking and worst come to worst, newspaper announce that no water the whole day in my area. Seriously, when this madness going to end. Ok, some other people life are worst than mine and mine is like nothing compares to theirs, so in other way, I should be grateful. But still, I just hate it, I’m thinking, when will this world be making senses again? Anyway, pointless to think about it now, to avoid any more bad karma, better stay at home. I’m cleaning my PC now. Come to realize it, my PC too, is a mess, but it hold the past of me. Some good and some bad memories. I’m tired of looking into my past again and start weeping over it. It is time to delete it out of my hard disk and start putting in more new good stuff….any recommendation?

The Power of GOOD-LOOK!!!!

It all started from Adam and Eve, and then come along all different sizes of men and women. There are skinny, fat, fit, sexy, bulky, and many other type of shape that you can possibly imagine of. However, what intrigue me was, when I heard that skinny guy find it hard to get girlfriends. So, what do women actually look in a man, or vice versa? I have a very good looking guy friend and also talented but most girls claim that he is insecure just because he is skinny and short. How about fat people like me, girl just simply hate big-fat blob because we are simply not that good looking. Are we men, have to be a CK model or even Brad Pitt just to get a girl then. How about women? Some men fall for beautiful women only or worst, a model obsession. If all this case were true, then where do all just mere normal people go, if all the model or beautiful people grad holds of everything? Then again, where does inner-beauty goes if everyone’s believe nowadays are base on “outer-beauty”. People say “Don’t judge a book by its cover” but what is all this fuss about “Making a good first impression” lies. Are looks that important? From where I see, good-look takes all and not-look-good easily fall for or seduce by good-look. Come back to the point, what do people actually see in one another, or what are we all seeking for? Love, Stability, Good-Looks, Money, Great Sex Life or plain one-night-stand?

NIght, Heat and ....

Once upon a time, where night out, partying, disco, lights, peoples, loud “BOOM! BOOM! Sound just concurred it all. It feels like when the moon is set free, it unleash the gate of hell and fire is widely spread into everybody soul and everybody just go wild and the heat that drove everyone crazy. I was that people. Still I am in the stage where responsibilities are place upon my hand, yet deep down, I still crave for it and let loose whenever I want. Today, one of my ex-colleagues came and joins me and the rest for lunch and she told me that “My appearance might look young, but deep down; MY body is OLD”. Toward certain extend, do people reach a stage where the body is too old, and other responsibilities drop out of no-where, without expected and hit us what the real world really is. I might pretend that I’m still in the college period where party is all what really matter and there are no worries. But then again, my college years was a big flop, and I don’t want to talk about it or have I miss out the one thing I miss out during my childhood and teenager life that I start making up for it now. Speaking of missing out, I might be 22 years old, but does my body can handle the heat and excitement those youngster have right now? I been to party, seeing people party, dancing, shouting, screaming, shake their booties and other wild stuff and I end up feeling like a piece of shit the next morning (or should I say “afternoon”) and went on with my so-called pathetic life where career is at stake and job waiting to be done. Anyhow, when the moon start shining down, I feel like a hungry Dracula. Hunger for excitement…….

Farewell...Dear Friends!!!

At work, around 12pm, the Human Recourse Manager walks into the room and says “Its time!” Although I can sense some sadness in everyone as we all went to 9th floor but all of them is trying their best not to show it. I walk toward the rest room and I saw them. Two lovely people in my company which I care is trying their best to smile and trying their best to make everybody laugh. I look at them and I see the past. I still remember that when I first step into this company, feeling scare, they just simply make me laugh. They would buy lots of cookies and chocolate and they will always call me up to treat me some. They will always make fun of my supervisor simply because he is a foreigner. With them, there will be always laughter in the air. Today, I couldn’t laugh. All I can think of is that life is so unfair. The moment that when you are close with someone, that someone is being grab away from you. That two people is like a big sister to me and today, happen to be their last day working in the company. The farewell party is about to start and my HR manager ask me to give a speech but I couldn’t. I scare that I will cry halfway giving a stupid lousy speech. Everybody was disappointed. The party started and we all have a good time gathering, talking and the food was fantastic. After 2 hour, we all went back to our own desk and start working. By the end of the day, both of them came down and hug all of us and say goodbye. Later that evening, I went to 9th floor ad I see emptiness in their desk and think that there will be a different in the working environment now. Previously, I couldn’t open my mouth to make that speech, but later before they were gone, I say…

Although fate have pull us apart, But our memory will remind us the happiness we shared, Although time is short, But you have impact all of our life, How can we ever thank you for being such a wonderful friend, There is no other reason I can think of, But to say that, you are the best gift we could ever have, Farewell, but not goodbye, And all I can ever wish for you is… For you to be happy, Always…

BAD REVIEW!!!

Whenever or wherever I go, it always comes to the part that I’m scare of having a bad review. Trust me!!! Being a Big, Giant, Lumpy fat person doesn’t help in any good first impression. Anyway, when it comes to any review about me, I’m gladly to hear or excited in any other way. Typical as it sound, I simply know what my review will be trough their face without even needed them to speak but a little confirmation wouldn’t hurt a bit. But then again, I’m assuming too much. Am I? Well, we all can’t expect people to like us, some might get good review and some might not. But how come, it seem that of all the review, why am I so tight up with all the negative and bad review. Some review are good simply because that particular person know you, but how about the people that doesn’t really know you and start giving bad review without even considerate anything. The scary part is when the bad review really hits you that you are really that bad. Then again, why am I complaining too much about it, where else the most bad review that I’m worry of are my own review about myself. Being not able to accept myself the way I am and thinking too much about other’s review. For example, at work, everybody is worry of getting review from the top management and everybody is trying their best and doing so perfectly and they all are nice people. For me, being a total unproductively, and yet making too much noise, and fooling around, I think my review will be worst in any company’s history record. This pass few days was like totally “pain in the ass” and so damn stressful. I was given a chance to prove myself worthy of something, but in the end, I wish I had never taken that opportunity. Most probably is because, I was afraid of getting a bad review. Somehow, the thing get screw up and it brought so many tension, rumor and conflict in the working environment, where I just wish it will simply go away. Maybe this is just a typical working environment, but I never expect people to take it as a “competition” in a way. It is worst that I have to face this problem and hopefully (“cross finger”) that I would not effect on my reviews. Speaking of problem, it is enough to actually have this problem, but it seem like it is getting out of hand, where people are actually coming in to not help out, but making thing worst than it is already are. URRGHH……Just hate it, but then, I’m crossing my finger again that what happen is not what I think it was. SOMEBODY SLAP ME!!! To think of it, getting review are not as bad as it seem, we all can’t please everybody anyway. Sadly, mostly people didn’t realize that, getting bad review is not mainly what other will think of you, but what we think of our self. So give yourself a little credit. You definitely hate it being in my shoe. Trust ME!!!

A night to remember!!!

Unlike any Saturday night, where I would usually sit at home and my eye will stick on the monitor screen and my finger will start tapping on my keyboard, I was getting ready to go to a barbeque party. Button up my blue jeans-shirt with a light khakis pant, my mind was preoccupied with question “How am I going to survive tonight party?” Mind feeling with doubt and a kind of lost in time and didn’t realize that my date was waiting for me outside. I rush out and when I saw her, standing as funky as she could be, the entire question in my mind were wipe away that instance. We reach the party around 8 and when I first step into the house, I was awe with the house and the beautiful garden and how the place just light up to the occasion. My experience with every barbeque party was terrible but this was different. It is like I’m in a movie, the music, the light, the table covered with red cloth, a small barbeque stove with lots of good food and fill with great people. My friend greets us with wide open arm. I feel bad that I didn’t help much but he was a very good guy. Pretty occupy with preparing food, but he still makes sure that we all feel at home. I was scare at first, because I didn’t know either of his friends but they all come up to us and with a simple hand shake, a new friendship is created. The whole night was a magical moment, everybody was comfortable, and the food is simply irresistible, music just hit in with different mood and the air fill with laughter. Not only that, I met an Australian girl and a Germany girl. Both of them are beautiful, and funny. They crack me up, making me laugh and tell me their experience traveling and some other great stuff. The other is funny and never fails to make me laugh. The girls are sexy, sweet and beautiful and the guys are cool, charming and they make a really good joke. The food was fantastic, and this is courtesy of my friend’s girlfriend. I like especially the chilly meat-ball. The party ends with a great chocolate porcupine cake although it looks very sweaty when the knife came….hahaha… After that, we went to pub; the music is mostly techno, in-house music, so it is really hard to dance toward it because I’m more familiar with R&B music. But the place look damn cool, it was decorate with ancient statue from Thailand and Cambodia. The floor is like a bridge with pond and fishes inside (Although I pity the fish). The whole place brought up a different atmosphere. Everyone drinks vodka and enjoy themselves chatting and some dance. I reach home to my bed around 4.30am. I lie there and think that was a great party and night out. Mostly the party I went to, I go back with dissatisfaction and I didn’t know half of the people there but this is different, at least I know their names and I luv them. There is no word that I can really describe it, but all I can say, for a very long time, I never felt happy until yesterday night.

Money isn't everything!!!

If people were given a choice to choose, what will that be? From where I clearly see now, is that most people that I know of, is “Chasing for money”. What have become of the world nowadays where people are so tight-up with “money” and all the stupid excuse that I frequently get is “You are rich; You don’t know the meaning of being poor!”. Are they right? Are this stupid excuses accepted whereby, I’m working and get paid similar like them. Unlike them, I’m still in the beginning road to actually learning to be success and to me, money is important to help me reach my goal. However, money is still not as important when it come to doing some thing that we actually love and excel in it. To some extend, money is not something that we should be prioritize that until it blind us from our road to success. Some of my typical friends actually get paid higher than me and still complaining that it is not enough and she just waste her time there doing something that she hated and complain every single day. Some friend, do what their parent wanted them to do, although the pay is not too high, but still they rely on their parent and let’s called them “daring” to actually criticize other people. I don’t know, from my point of view, is it worth-it doing something we don’t like? and when it actually hits you that “This is not I want”, what then? How many days, month or even years are we going to waste until we actually come to our senses? Is it too late to change by then? Speaking of survivor, “money” hit every part of it but still, all of us are unique and we all have abilities, and we need to explore it and to actually learn how to fall and to get up again. In success, there is no way that we all will succeed, if we all are not willingly to go beyond it and just rely on your monthly income to help you get through your every life and also blaming other for their success and didn’t do anything about themselves.