Bitterness of lights!!!

It’s been 23 years since I face the world itself and I barely scratch the surface of the meaning of “life” itself. These 23 years, I venture in the dark but I came across some lights. Some light brighten my journey, some accompany me, some even guide me, but most lights are wicked than the darkness itself. There will always many and different road to choose, too much choice to consider, too scare to think what might come. So I run, closing my eye and just run and never look back and then you came along. Your light was different and I thought I was home. You have shown me so many things that the dark blinded me and you show me how beautiful the world is. For the first time, I stop running and cherish what I got. However, a person’s dark soul is always dark and I betray you. Your light fade out on me and no matter what I do, you will not shine as you should be. I want to stay but you push me away. I’m tired of running away, so don’t make me run again….I’m sorry but I don’t know how to show it cos there is no light in me to prove to you that I am…..

Bitterness of life!!!

I’m sitting motionless and my mind was floating dancing in the mist of curiosity of life and how my mind strike to how pathetic my life is. I often wonder why thee bow to the existent of life and for what propose the mother of all creation bring thee to this lifeless and miserable world and what master plan that she had store for thee. Even so, I always thought that I was something, someone who will at least contribute something to the world or someone who will lead people that I hold dear to a bright endless future. Prideful of me, I was blinded by the truth, laugh by reality and bitterness welcome me with wide open arm. Still I move on, lying to myself that somehow there must be a kindred-spirit within each soul that at least have some place for me to call home in their heart. I realize now, mostly that wherever or whenever I go,I’ll be qualifying enough NOT to be either part of their soul or spirit but an external tools which whenever they feel like using me or there is a need for me, then I will be useful for them. It hurt and I pity god, for they face the same treat from the soulless human or should I blame god for not given them a heart.Whichever, I find that this life is meaningless; the only journey that I long crave for or believe is but only the journey toward sorrow and hatred. Maybe there is a brighter good or I was too busy feeling pathetic for myself to see it or realize it or have the eternity of darkness smile upon me.

The other side of me!!!

I always got lots of review from my fren. Some say im boring, crazy, charming, nice to mix with, hate to mix with, depress king, hyperactive person but after all, who am i actually..Me myself too hav lots of review on myself too..mostly bad but do i know myself. People say i like to take charge but am i independant. People know that im a easy-goin person but do that make me a good fren. I hav been too many places, meet too many people, learn too many thing, see too many thing and expereince too many thing. As i grow up, i evolve into another person but deep down, am i still the same person or do i turn into a person who other wanted me to be and not who i want to be. Do i really know myself...why do i keep on depress and never wanted to be happy..do i reach a certain point where im too tired to actually explore the other possibility in life and except the way there are now..or am i too old to be excited anymore...

A new beginning

There was a saying in the movie "Lord of the ring:Return of the KING" where Gandalf mention something about "The end of a Road is another begining of the new path". 2003 just pass and now come the new 2004. This morning, i wake up with full of doubt..was it a new beginning for me start over a new life or im just lying myself or run away from the guilt hanging behind me on 2003. Should i get over it and live my life to it fullest or should i go back and try to fix thing up and try to make my 2004 as good as possible. Anyway..Happy New YEars to u all.......guess what..i just discover my this year resolution.........