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Wednesday, November 24, 2004

Dukka..my suffering!!!

I‘m trying to find my inner peace but I couldn‘t find any. I‘m been trying my very best not to let some small sweat stuff to bother me, but every word I hear, every action I see and everything seem to bother me. I felt like this suffering inside of me screaming to get out and I just wanted to let loose, hitting something or even cut myself and just let my blood flow out. I might sound crazy but I used to do that, watching my hand full of blood. At first, when slashing the knife to my hand, it felt like being sting by bees and then white flesh can bee seen and then huge amount of blood flood out. Wonderful scene if I could say. Anyway, I can‘t really handle stress very well. My mind somehow twisted and I get very sensitive to almost anything. Maybe, that is why I?m depressing all the time. For few times, I try ignoring my surrounding but every part of my body can‘t resist it. IM SOOO MESS UP!!!

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