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Wednesday, November 24, 2004

Closing Door!!!

It is almost end of the year and I hate to admit that yet another bad year for me. If I were to write a story about my so-called pathetic life, I would personally say it would be the worst seller in book history because my stories never end happily ever after. Maybe I‘m too cynical about myself or maybe the truth I found within myself wasn?t as good as it look. What I found ironically was we tend to look upon other as one significant being but when we look at ourselves, we couldn‘t see anything. For me, being a very low-esteem person, I can handle critic well although it is hurtful, but I learn from my mistake and try to improve as much possible as I can. However, toward certain extend, I take the critic too seriously until I become a person who wasn‘t me at all but a person who‘s living in other people expectation. Having negative thought, thing weren?t easier and it become worst when we being label by other non other than your friend. Every time, people say nice things about me when they want me to drive or do something and then the entire time, people start to critic me because I drive badly and other time, they won‘t even bother talkig to me or ignore me that I existed and worst of all, being label as a taxi driver. I try to ignore it, but I was wondering, am I really treated as a friend or multi-usage devices. At some part, the things that I do, as a friends, they really judge me and think me otherwise and use it against me. I sometime feel helpless and it hurt me really deeply. I used to treat by other this way and I ran away from it and now, I‘m feeling it again. Previously, I dare not open my door but it would seem that that I couldn‘t reach out to other. However, when I open my door, I expose myself too much and end up hurting again. I think now it time to just close the door again?

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