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Thursday, October 14, 2004

Confuse over YADA! YADA! YADA!

YADA! YADA! YADA! Although my English is bad, I‘m still going to write…haha. My BAD! Anyhow, our project finished and I‘m feeling kinda bored right now because I don‘t really have anything to do aside from worrying whether I will be involve in the coming project. I felt kinda left out when I wasn‘t call to the meeting for the new project although there weren‘t much for me to contribute anyway. Mostly is technical stuff and most of my colleagues doesn‘t think that I‘m up to their standard. BUMMER! I was thrown out to do change management instead because there weren‘t any dumb-ass left in team who would do this kind of stuff but me. Not that I mind at first but it is really de-motivating because it felt like I‘m not part of the team anymore. Most of the time, I would prefer to spend my times with the technical team but recently, I have to attend meetings and events to launch our product where else my colleague will spend their time debugging the systems. I am afraid that in the end, I felt that I didn‘t contribute anything and scare of what people might think less of me. Being with the change management team, it actually make me felt that I was important, it was the first time that in a meeting, I was ever part of it, they pay attention to me, and listen to what I have to say. However, in my own technical team, I would personally think that I being treat like dirt. Nobody ever trusted me on a module or my programming skill. The only thing that they ever talk to me was, ask to draw this, calculate the food price, drive to lunch, book table and gossiping about my company people, documentation and ask me to attend useless meeting. Sometime, I am confused whether I should be in a technical team. Sometimes, I wonder whether I entered the correct line of works. Being in a change management of any management is not actually that bad but, I enter this company as a programmer and enter on the same time with the rest of the programmers. For once, I wanted to be part of the team, mainly because I think I am drawn to them as friends instead of colleague. I might consider management thing when the right time have come. However, I can‘t really stand the situation right now. Being left out and pretend to be happy about it. It felt like high school deja-vu again. Grrr…

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