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Thursday, July 22, 2004

Lonely Smoker!!!

In this world, there are 2 types of people; People make silly mistake and people purposely make silly mistake. I was on the other hand the one that purposely make silly mistake. I was scare at first and I knew well enough that it was bad to take it but with the tension lately and whole lots of excuse, the one and only stupid reason which I thought could take it away was smoking (well, I say it was an excuse?du-uh). The moment I put it on my lips and sip, I felt this sensation heat and the pain that burn my throat. As I exhale, it felt like my soul being pulled out and left my body helpless. The world around me passes in front of me like crazy-merry-go-round. I was struggling to get hold of myself back to reality but I guess I was hold prison in wonderland. I never felt this way before but I know I was high. That instance, I was wondering, was getting high help tension go away? Well it did for me but what of those who regularly smoke? I mean, toward certain extend, where addiction and getting used to smoke, does that help solve the tension anymore? Anyway, I don‘t smoke regularly but the other day, I smoke and suddenly everyone that I knew was shock to their very core. It is funny though, because I have friend that smoke too but I don‘t see they get this kind of reaction but why me? I felt even more guilty after that incident and dare not smoke in front of them anymore?hehehe. However, it is so unfair, as much as I was a one-man-show; sometime I felt lonely and wanted to be part of the group and no matter how I change or how bad I had become, I was never part of any of that. I am sick and tired of becoming a goody-goody and being push around. Maybe I was never meant for anything?sad??

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